21 Apr
(non) letters to a DM, childish things, my way home, twin flames

a session with Lucifer

♥  march 18 . 2019 ♥

😈 session with Alyssa (Desert Hempwork) and her guide Lucifer

# march 27th, my birthday, i move into the Devil’s year. So, i feel this reading is very suitable for me

Note: I am/was reluctant to share this one. Coz, a few months ago i was dying to know more bout my DM. Now i realize my own path is more important and I am shifting my focus, I hope I am lol. But as Spirit told me: you own nothing, and I already gave insights in past life sessions, so here is a part of some weird story and some more info about Ana, a very high energy that visits me sometimes. #

I message Alyssa >

First answer >

# My first question gets confirmation so that’s cool! The answer to the second question surprises me pleasantly and yet I feel heavy. I know for some time now that our inner children are important, I got images of them and I started to work on my own inner child, again. But since I am detaching from the twin flame label and focus on me, ahum 😁 I don’t wanna violate his energy, his space, although I can’t really shut down the 5D connection. It is delicate lol. #

More from Lucifer >

# So on point! Getting my power back and take control of it, not being afraid of it, as I was for sooo long. It is returning. Also I know now what this Devil’s year is bringing me: my full power 😜 and pleasure, coz the inner children is also about fun and it is badly needed! #

# Some clarity: I don’t wanna ask / know about my DM but Ana is an energy I am very interested in. To me she is an entity I have an important connection with, twin flame stuff or not, our bond is unique. So yeah, while in this session Ana popped up and I was just curieus. #

# Obviously there is much more information, but I have not yet access to it 🤔 #

# Yeah, wings are here lol 🙏 #

Thanks Alyssa and Lucifer! So i just take off then 😎

Childish Things

Few days later, pondering bout inner child stuff. After some hesitating, I decide to go visit my inner child in her tree house, between the roots of a giant tree 😊 It’s a bit dark inside, gloomy. I tell her to put some trunks on the wood stove. She seems distracted lol, hardly reacts. I ask her if she wants to visit His inner child and reluctantly she goes ..

First impression (where is she drawn to): he is in a corner of his room, with his back turned to the little girl, there is no green, no nature,  he won’t response so she leaves.

Second scene (where does she finds his core): she finds his core in the middle of this corn field where the sun is shining gently and the softly shining gold color of the corn is every where. His core energy is in this shed he build for himself. It has a roof of corn leaves and three walls of corn stalks. But he isn’t home.

She returns to me and I feel a bit guilty I asked her to go and she got rejected, again.

Another visit a few days later. I find my inner child in my heart (she moved!) and we decide to go together and take another look at his inner child (I won’t let her do this alone this time). We take a long walk from my heart through veins and other stuff 😲 till we come to a square room where his inner child is seated, legs crossed, in the upper right corner. Back turned to us and he is doing something with his hands, we can’t see what. Then he turns to us, yes he does notice us, and he turns around to show us. He has a beautiful white shiny orb in his hands, playing with it. Throwing it in the air and catching it. He smiles at us and turns back to the corner to go on with his ‘work’. Okay we go, don’t wanna disturb him.

Okay, I have no intention to push or to violate another person’s energy field and I have my own stuff to attend to. So, I decide for now not to visit him again. I feel like an intruder and I don’t like that. My inner child and me take the path back to my heart.

A few days later I have a session with Kat in which she finds that I hold an essence of the archangel Lucifer.. which again is so fitting.

06 Apr
meditations, the cycle of the soul, twin flames

past life : the slave

♥  april 18 . 2017  ♥

BlueSkyHynosis : guided past life regression (youtube) 43:11min

The narrator leads me to a temple, there’s a corridor with doors, i pick one door and go in. Then he asks me questions: how do i look, age, what’s inside, how’s dinner, etc.

Where am i?
It feels Roman, i get 987 AD. I am wearing sandals and a short dress with a cord around my waist, i have medium long dark hair. I am a woman, 18 years of age.

What is the city?
Alexandria, some kind of temple. There is an altar with a dead man on it.

How is dinner? 🌽
I stand in a large, white marble room. Very large. And i stand in a row with other young people, all dressed the same. We each hold a plate with food with both our hands. We stand about 8 meters opposite a large table and the chairs are occupied by men. Each one of us serves one man, we are personal slaves.

Happiest scene. 🌴🌞
I am playing with my boyfriend, outside in the sun. Nature, a meadow. He has black hair and blue eyes. We are about 6-7 years of age and we live in the same street in a small village. We are the same and we know. He promised to take care of me. But we were taken apart, i never heard of him again. I became a slave.

Most important question: why didn’t you protect me? 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♂️
Because he couldn’t. We were taken apart coz together we were too strong!

The gift: We could astral travel, we had wings. And we both had our third eye opened. We were just too powerful in the eyes of the ruling elite.

Another scene.
I am giving birth and they take my baby away. Never saw it again. I sense i am the slave now, and when a child was born, they took it away.

What was the lesson this life? ❤️ Love conquers all!

april 6 : 2019
Posting this now, it seems weird that this life teached me that love conquers all. It must have been a quite cruel life i guess … but somehow the vision that covers / envisions / rules this life, is a vision of freedom and love and light.

Coz now i realize all that time i was surrounded and protected. Looking back into that life, as i do now, wondering .., i see the light that was always there, i feel the love that surrounds me, feel the sun on my skin, feel his ever lasting love on me 🌸

I think i cleared this path 😁👍

Wikipedia
Alexandria is founded in 331 BC and was the capital of Egypt till 969 AD.
Cleopatra was the last Ptolemee, she died in 30 AD.
In 641 AD Egypt was conquered by the Muslims.

25 Mar
duality, empathy, my way home, the cycle of the soul

soul retrieval : darkness

♥  march 25 . 2019 .   ♥

Soul retrieval with Katherine Martin Youngren. March 25th 2019, 10:00-11:00 am CET. This is a transcript of my second session with Kat. Here is the link to the first session.

We connect through Messenger, Kat is in America and I am in Europe, we say good morning and Kat is already coughing severely. She tells me: I got up half an hour ago, got me a coffee and i started to cough and feeling very tired… I tell her half an hour ago i sat with a coffee and had to cough severely and cry, i felt very tired yes. But it is not a cold or cough, she tells me. No, i tell her, it is my throat chakra.

Ok, what lives do i want to look at? Kat asks me. I tell her that i feel that no one thing is more important than another, this is the state i am in … do i wanna know bout my DM? Bout Ana? Bout my mission? Is one thing more important than another? I am in limbo …

🦋
Kat tells me the story of the caterpillar that is transforming into a butterfly. And it is the cocoon that is pivotal, what is happening in there. It is an inside job, the caterpillar kinda dies inside the cocoon, it has to die so the transformation can be complete. I tell Kat i already felt like dying before, i die again and again. This is another death. We never stop to heal, she says.

So, Kat first cleans me, my chakra’s, aura. And there is much darkness that is attaching to me and inside of me. Kat tells me i have to shield myself when i go outside and when i come back home i have to clear the shield before entering. I take the pain and darkness from others, can be friends, relatives but also totally strangers, i take the darkness with me.

I can shield however way feels good to me, white light, violet flame. I just have to set the intention. Awareness of this is key i suppose …

Then she cleans my house and again she experiences something she never has before: house is trying to heal me, it has taken my pain and darkness, it is in the walls and the floor. And now house is also stuck with this darkness and isn’t even able to say hello to Kat, like it did in the earlier session. For your information: in the former session my house greeted Kat so friendly! Is was so cool it did that, Kat never had a house greeting her so friendly.
So, Kat and me clear house together, we ask house to release the darkness, let it go. After all the clearing i do feel better 🙂

Kat tells me: you know that all of our lives are happening at the same time (there is no time, it is a 3D concept), so this ‘state’ of darkness is playing out now, somewhere …

The Sacrifice 🌸
Kat suggests we are going to look at a life where the darkness attached to me: So i ask, with my hand on my heart: Spirit, can you please show me a life where the root of darkness attached to me? And it gets darker and heavier. I sink, slowly i sink and it is getting darker. I keep sinking, slowly. Where am i? I am pulled down by something, what is it? Something is tied to my feet, dragging me down. It is a rope. And something heavy is on the other end of the rope. And i sense sand and shells, water, little fish. Yes i am in water.

So, who tied the rope to my feet, who wanted me dead? Where was I when this happened? I was on a boat, on a river, there was a party. And i wanted to help the people there, give them light. So i sacrificed myself, thought that would help them so i killed myself.
Now, while sinking and sinking deeper into this dark, i feel the earth around me, i feel the flowers, the trees, the clouds, the grass, the water, and they feel me. They get my light and i see their light. Kat asks me: does it benefit the people on the boat? Mmmm, no it doesn’t …. they aren’t aware of it at all … my suicide was in-vain.

# afterwards
this experience must have had a great impact, i know it has .. the strange thing was, it didn’t feel like drowning, how i expected it to be. The light i was giving to what surrounded me and the light that was given to me by the life around me .. was so serene. There was no struggle to survive, no pain, only compassion. The humans that were partying weren’t aware but all other life was
#

The Fairy 🌳
Kat asks me: What do you wanna explore now? Another life with darkness attached or a first life where you connected to nature? I choose the latter and i ask spirit to show me. Now i am in a huge ancient forest, huge trees, green leaves, lushly. I am flying through the forest, visit trees, they are friendly. Lol, i am a fairy 🙂 Kat asks me: where is Kat? Can you ask where Kat is? So i ask spirit: Spirit, can you tell me where Kat is? Hard to tell, i get the image of a huge tree. She is the tree or inside the tree? Kat tells me this is ancient Greek and she is a nymph. Now, here sitting on my bed and yet flying around in this magnificent forest, i can feel my crown chakra light up and sparkle. I tell Kat, she feels her crown too.

# afterwards
I had to Google nymph. Suits you dear Kat
There are several kinds of nymphs.
Dryad, also called hamadryad, in Greek mythology, a nymph or nature spirit who lives in trees and takes the form of a beautiful young woman. Dryads were originally the spirits of oak trees (drys: “oak”), but the name was later applied to all tree nymphs.
Later Kat tells me she was the nymph Daphne (see Apollo and Cupid) and she was able to go in and out of trees and water.
#

Baby Darkness 👻
We are going to look to the first life where i was a guardian of darkness.
It is dark, hard to grasp what is happening, it all is .. feels .. rudimental, i hardly move, just am, big dark .. something. bit moving bit no-moving. im formless. Ah, Kat says something, far far away. Far outside of me. i am totally in myself. She asks me: are you a mother? Ah, a mother! Kinda, there are little things moving inside me, little black square boxes, bout 5 i sense. They move in my chest and they quarrel! And they move and they are loud and they are quarreling, annoying! The one with the loudest mouth is pressing against my chest bone. Auch! It hurts. Inside and outside is all quite dark, like just before dawn.

Kat asks me to send the pieces of darkness out, into the world. I don’t have to carry them inside of me, i can release them so they can do their work in the outside world, stir up some that need it (lol), they can come back and will come back. It is ok, i can send them out again, with love and care. That is not rejection. While i am letting the boxes out they change colors, the black changes into soft colors.

😭
During this ‘past life experience’ i cry quite some. Coz this is what is playing out in my life now, knowing that i can’t reject darkness, i feel too much sorry for it ..

#
sounds crazy maybe yes i know. It is what it is, there is too much rejection already, too much not seeing, but i see, i feel, and i can’t reject. Nothing. There is neither good nor bad, neither darkness nor light, neither me nor you… All is one and nothing can be rejected, not on the long run.
#

So yes, darkness comes to me, it attaches to me. Some of it is mine, most is not, lol. And i don’t have to keep it, it won’t benefit me to keep it. I can love it, maybe transform some of it, then let it go.
Kat tells me a part of my mission is to protect nature, another part is giving darkness a voice, a place. Also, i am a keeper of an archangel essence, Lucifer’s. Why doesn’t that surprise me 😈

Side-note: the second angel who presented itself to me in 2016, was Ariel, the angel of nature. The first was Ismael, who helps to open the heart. With thanks to all ‘my’ angels.

Ans
To Kat, whom i highly recommend if you consider to explore
With a big hug and much much love sista!
XD

04 Jan
my way home, the cycle of the soul

letting go

♥  january 4 . 2019  ♥

# Pages of my journal – the Hermit’s journey #

As i sit here on my couch, my higher self on my right as usual, i reflect, 2018 is gone.
And i am good at beating myself up: you havent done enough, you havent worked hard enough, you are not worthy.

Higher Self smiles. “Thank god, at least YOU are here!” i tell HS. “WE ALL are”, he says 🙂
Reflecting: yeah, guess i screwed up some things lol, but mostly i grew, i realize i grow and keep growing, against all odds, against all fears.

2018 : Temperance, The always loving Raphael, Wings (fack, i have huge ones, still dont know how to use them lol), lots of pain and an ocean of tears, can i shed more? Yes, they tell me with a smile lol, mfs 🙂

Letting go : 2 turns to 3 The Divine Step In
Ana is visiting me lately, more frequently. She still doesn’t really tell me who she is …
oke, as far as i know : our history goes back to Vega and the Lyran star system, i was Vega …
or, we were Vega, something like that, there was some unity together with Alcyone, the Pleiadian central sun.

Nowadays, Ana is my spirit guide, but her energy is sooo high its hard for me to reach her.
Let go, understand her. But i FEEL her, and she is mostly all white with a blue gaze, like ice.
My first name for her was The Ice Queen. The second was His Mother (lol), the third was Ana.

Ah, letting go yes!
Struggling the whole year with attachments, first and foremost to the twin flame journey. We gotta get rid of the label! It served its purpose. It drives people mad, yet, asking ourselves is the start, isn’t it?

Yes, what is the worst attachment? What is the worst fear?
Rejection popped up a few weeks ago, thought id handled that lol. Guess not.

Ah, i wanna end this now! Uh, i mean the journalling 🙂
Wrapping up not only 2018 but a bunch of lifetimes yo!

With a bunch of love and madness 😎❤️😁
Ans

22 Aug
childish things, my way home, twin flames

Ana : the ice queen

♥  august 22 . 2018  ♥
convo with Ana aka The Ice Queen

# wtf is Ana? #
fyi : Ana is a new energy in my life, so i am exploring

I ask Ana if she is Alcyone but i already feel she is not
i see them merging to one but they aren’t one.
She smiles: so you know, we are not one but we are very close. Like some monad? I ask her. No no, she laughs, that is 3D perception, forget the labels 🙂 it is beyond dimensions.

And me? How do i relate to you both? You belong to us, Ana says and laughs again, shes beautiful. Who who who .. am i.. i manage to calm my emotions and mind, don’t dare to feel that that. Yes, you are Vega, Ana tells me and Alcyone smiles, hey there, i’m back.

And i died, Vega died, i felt Her dying, me dying i guess. Thats why this Vega war haunts me lol. I died there, i loved her, i died there, again and again, this endless circle of dying, living, and living is dying and dying is living and and why has there be so much pain and so much war and why are people not nice mom and why and why ….

… dont you shut up and stop your questions little girl, you are driving me crazy, she says… and i look at the ground, my shoes they shine, my black shiny shoes, i love them, they love me

Mmm, she still exists in our star charts, the info about her dead has yet to reach us.
Funny thing, i know 😉

Alcyone – Ana – Vega
what trinity wtf?
guess Ana is a star too
merging? Alcyone smiles the moment i feel it
lol, they are twin flames

Love ♥️

broken
20 Aug
(non) letters to a DM, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames

soul retrieval with Kat

♥  august 20 . 2018 : total time 1h45m  ♥

This was a session i had with Kat (Katherine Martin Youngren). She is a gifted and loving person and she is great in retrieving soul fragments and a perfect guide for exploring past lives  ♥️ I did leave some parts out, not much but things i gotta explore a bit more. The setting : i am at home on my bed in Europe, Kat is at her home in America. We talk through messenger.

First she clears me / my chakra’s. Nothing really disturbing with my chakra’s, im quite clean, i ask Kat bout my solar plexus, nah, nothing to worry about. But, she says: this morning when i woke i had an ache in my stomach, maybe already connecting to your energy.

Then she clears my house. She is happily surprised, my house welcomes her, is friendly to her! That’s so nice! She tells me till now she never experienced this, being welcomed by a house so friendly. I feel so much gratitude and joy when she tells me and i tell her bout my contact with house, the walls, the floor, atoms. Later this evening i thank house for being so nice to Kat. House smiles 🏡

Paris : the killing

We won’t go through the lives i already know but see where we go. I tell her bout the killing (of my twin), i think it was Paris late 18th century, here’s the link >>  and when i am done she asks if i know who was the woman i killed. No i don’t so we gonna find out. We ask spirit to show me, and this is weird, i get an image of his mother (my twin’s). Kat then asks me to explore a life with this woman we call for now his mother. So i ask spirit to show me.

Stabbed in the back : the dark room

I am inside and it’s very dark, Kat asks me if i can find the light switch, lol, i cant see a f*ck. I take a few careful steps with my hands outstretched till i feel a wall, it’s rocky like some kind of cave or cellar. Am i locked in here? i ask myself. Slowly my eyes adjust and about 10 feet in front of me there’s the outline of a door, at the other side of the door is light and it’s shining through.

Kat asks if i am alone in the room. Well, i can’t see or hear anyone so i guess I am. But nope, i feel a presence. Now fear hits and i am shaking. And i feel someone behind me and it freaks me out, it is danger. I sense a woman in black clothes, an older woman, smaller than me and she is very hurt and angry. I know what is going to happen and Kat feels it too, i hear her moaning, like me. And there it is, the knife in the back. Suddenly the woman takes two steps and stabs me in my lower back, a few times. There is so much hate and pain. I fade away and die here.

Why did she kill you, Kat asks. I am sobbing a bit and feel the impact of what we did, of what happened. I took something of this woman, a man, her husband. By now, i almost forgot that this woman is his mother, this is where we started lol. And i am sorry i took her husband.

Kat asks me if this life was before or after the Paris-life. Mmmm, i don’t get the answer at once, i go to the killer (me) in Paris and feel his inner life, was he aware? Yes, hidden deep inside there is an unconscious knowing of this life. Okay. So it was before the Paris-life. That makes sense, Kat says.

Ana : the sun 🌞

Okay, we explore another life with this woman and at this point i decide to call her Ana.
I am outside, it’s a bright, sunny day. Green meadows, blue sky, flowers. Where is Ana, Kat asks me. Lol, i feel she is up there. But what is up there? Now i get the picture of the Fool card of the Tarot with a bright sun in the right corner and the sun smiles at me. Nah nah, the sun? Ana? A spirit? I am puzzled. Weird stuff this retrieving pieces 🙂
Okay, so Ana is the sun or maybe a spirit, she was very friendly in this life. Was she a guide maybe, Kat asks. Yeah, definitely feels so. I know her very well and she knows me.

A war : the plane ✈️

Kat asks me to go to a life with Ana and X (my twin, well okay, my supposed twin).
I am sitting in a chair, with some helmet on my head, i am sitting alone on the most right chair of a row of several chairs. And there are more rows before me, ah, it is a plane! We are waiting for take off. Ana is in some sort of pantry, she is dressed in white, some nurse’s outfit it seems. X is in combat outfit, just like me, somewhere in the ship. (plane / ship?). What is our connection? Ana and X are just acquaintances, Ana and me are kinda friends, i tell her much bout me and i like her, X and me are good friends, we know each other a lifetime, boy next door, is what i get. Nothing romantic. In this life i died when an explosion destroyed our house. I died in an instant, i have no memory of the dying. It was some war and we were in duty, all 3 of us. We also lived next door i think. Me with Ana? X next door. I could see a part of a street with a few houses. Time is hard to tell. Early 20th century?

A girl and boy on the run : the tube 👫

A life with me and X. It is dark and i am kinda moving forward, I can’t see where i am, there is a faint green light in the distance. X is behind me and is also moving. Ah, we are in some kind of tube, we are able to stand in the tube so it is quite big. And we are walking in this long, long tube, towards the green light.

Why are we here? Are we escaping something? Sure feels that way. I try to hear noises to locate ourselves and maybe others. Ah, we have escaped! From that big, dark house that we don’t like. I am about 12-14 years old and X is bout 5-6 years old. I have initiated our escape and X relies on me, we have to get out of here. Those people are awful! We both are very well dressed, i wear some kind of cloak, brown with a darker thread in it and my brown, curly hair is tied in a pony tail. X wears a black suit with a white tie and a white shirt, so tres chique for the little boy. We come from this really wealthy family (as orphans or something …?) but they are all liars and bad people.

We are at the end of the tube and there is a policeman with this light, he looks nice. I look hopefully to this man and he smiles … and he takes us right back to the house. X and me are being taken apart (X in the basement?). And then i got these punches in my stomach! Again and again and again till i lose consciousness and eventually i die. There is a big, bright light when i die and i feel so happy, i know i will be okay now. X will be okay now, i feel this the moment i die, we will be taken care off. The man who killed me was some farmhand. A brutal, ignorant man who likes to punch 12 year olds to death. X died soon after me, he killed himself, he jumped into a well or something, out of something .. It seems England to me, very English. There were horses and carriages, maybe early 19th century?

The Fall : the pyramid 🚀

At this point Kat asks if it is okay if we look into a life she and i had together. I am already dizzy of all these lives and connections lol, yep sure. I am standing in the middle of a pyramid shaped building. And it is so hard to focus, i can hardly hear Kat talk. I shake and spin coz of the energies in this building … wow! They go through me like mmm like energy snakes. Hard to describe and the whole pyramid is filled with it! Completely filled with some kind of energy strings that move likes snakes.

The corners of this building are rounded, not sharp and the top of the pyramid is also rounded. It is more like the top of a rocket. Are there more people with you, Kat asks. Ah yes, right in front of me, standing in a corner is Kat, she is my friend. Now i am looking left, there is this young man in a grey, striped suit, dark hair and he smiles, he is perfectly dressed. On the right of me, also in a corner stands an angel, white and bright, smiling yes. We are all smiling now coz something big is going to happen, i am going to fall or jump. I now realize i’m standing in the middle on a square spot and that spot is going to open and i am going to fall! It is my time. We say goodbye and i go! But first i pay Alcyone a visit, can’t leave without saying goodbye to my old friend :-). Am i going to Lemuria? The first time Gaia? This must be a long long time ago … in the future.

The twin sisters : the pond 💧

Another life with Kat. I haven’t even asked spirit to show me .. and Kat is already moaning, she is in pain! And my body feels so weird! It feels like something wants to get out and Kat is kinda crying: are you pregnant with me? she asks me. I don’t know, i wanna get out of this body! I feel like my skin is getting teared off my body. What the hell is happening? Are we .. are we siamese twins? i ask Kat. Feels like we are very very close and we can’t separate.

Kat moans, feels a cut around her waist and a cut in her left arm. I can’t place it.

Who are we, what are we? We are two blond girls, bout 4 years of age, cute twin girls. We stand at the edge of a pond, there is green grass and flowers, and i feel me standing in the water now. Ouch! You punched me on my nose! i yell to Kat. Lol, that was a surprise, really didn’t see that coming, i can feel the punch on my nose as i sit here on my bed! And i push her, a push in her belly. And she stumbles and falls into the water and … here i feel we are drowning, green, blurry water. While this was happening i had a lot of throat clearing.. asking myself why… but yes, we were drowning.

(I think we were twins and it was very crowded in our mother’s belly and we wanted to get out. Another thing: did the mother get a cesarean section? Could explain the cut Kat felt).

A frustrated drunk : the saloon 

Kat asks if there is something i want to clear, the root of something. I mention addictions. Okay. Ask spirit to show you the root of addiction (what is the vow connected).

I am outside, its drizzling and its grey and dreary, a muddy soil. I have a bottle in my left hand and with my right hand i hold on to the wooden pillar of the porch, so i wont fall. I can hardly walk. I just left the bar, more like a saloon, all wooden and the ladies .. well you know 🙂 I bought them booze and they were nice to me. But they wont get me no i will never believe a woman again! they are all evil and all liars and i feel really drunk lol and i have to concentrate to talk with Kat, weird. I feel alone and rejected and they are all the same and i wont marry and i am my own boss! Okay, Kat and me are both a bit puzzled bout this life, it doesn’t really explain something about addictions. Maybe i find out later. 🤔

So far  😯

01 Jun
(non) letters to a DM, follow me to the bottle, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames

decapitation

♥  june . 2018 : i killed my beloved  ♥

Its dark, evening, night. I walk through the streets of Paris, downtown somewhere.
Narrow, moist streets, it rained earlier. Im in a sort of rush, im uneasy.
I hide in my black cape and black hat. Head between my shoulders. Rush to my favorite bar.

I am in an alley now, its all rotten, dirt, anger, danger, darkness, whores and scum.
My eyes are everywhere: left, right, left, right, left, right… and ahead.
Yes, there she is. That piece of betrayal, delusion, luring me into.. what?

She’s standing in a portal, in front of a house, a door.
People passing by, also in a rush, no one looks at any one! All scum with secrets!
Hiding in their capes and hats, so called gentlemen puh!

Yeah, that woman! That whore who thinks she is the world!
Standing there, so full of herself.
Im 2 steps away now, i grab my knife.
No one is watching! All busy with their own mischief.
I take 2 steps, into the portal, and stab her in her belly, one time.

No one reacts or notices it.
Anyway, its just a woman, some stupid whore.
I feel relieved, my rush is gone and i feel great!
I walk some streets till i reach my bar.

Yeah, theres my table, at the end of the bar.
And some mates, how nice!
I wanna drink beer now, i feel so good.
Coz im a man, and im in charge!

I sit at my table with some guys and i get drunk.
And im bragging about how i killed that whore.
Ain’t i great guys!

Well, they aren’t really friends i guess, coz they catch me.
And they get me to jail.
And they bring me to the guillotine.
And i feel the blade slicing my neck, but its not sharp enough.

My head is still attached to my body, with still a piece of flesh connected to the body.
Fuck, even this i screw up!
I slowly fade into red, then black, then nothing…..

After decapitation, i came in a black black world and i sank in redness.

12 Feb
the cycle of the soul, twin flames

Jozef Rulof

♥  february 12 . 2018  ♥

Jozef Rulof (1898-1952) was a Dutch psychic medium, healer, author and painter. He wrote dozens of books about life, death, and the hereafter. His most important guides were master Alcar and master Zelanus. For years he made journeys to the hereafter with his masters, learned about karma and the cycle of the soul, about the astral world, twin flames etc etc. I will post more about his ideas, his downloads 🙃 Although his books are written decades ago to me they are still very relevant in these times of awakening. For now more on Wikipedia.

One of his statements to ponder about.
🤔 Man did not descend from ape but ape descended from man. The first living cells on Earth were human cells. When these cells died, new life emerged from their rot: animal cells.

More info and free books (PDF) available in 6 languages 🙂
in different languages
pdf’s in english
my favorite : the Cycle of the Soul
This book tells the story of Lantos and what he experiences when he commits suicide. Among more topics of course.

29 Oct
duality, my way home, the cycle of the soul, Zero Point & time

the death of Vega

♥  oktober 29 . 2017 : dimensionality is a human concept  ♥

3D, 5D we are quite known with this concepts now. We think we have integrated them in our daily lives. By the way, shifting paradigms, shifting timelines? Do we really think we know what we are doing? Hold on!! 🌀

Do we? Join me on the next step: Zero Point. The Creators Dominion, The space without space, time without time, dimensions without dimensions. Can you still follow me?

I went back, way back: Paris 19th century, Lemuria bout 12k B.C., the rise of the Pleiadians, go back go back they say, the Lyran war, the death of Vega, i WAS Vega 🤔

Then i realized, i didn’t have to be Vega to feel her pain, her dying. I merge more and more into unity consciousness, into Zero Point where timelines collapse, where all is one, where i don’t have to be that murderer of my twin in Paris, where i no longer am the healer in Lemuria.

No, i am not that past or that present, more and more i am the energy. That flame of Creation that experiences everything, connected to all that is.

And fuck you!! Its fucking hard, lol.

Thanks dear Kat ♥️

23 Jun
(non) letters to a DM, my way home

abyss of frozen hope

♥  june 23 . 2017 : my last life  ♥

Do You remember? Standing at the Abyss of Frozen Hope? Me telling You this is my last life on earth.
I don’t know why i tell You or how i know, i just know.
We talk about afterlife and reincarnation and it hits me: This Is My Last Life On Earth!
And coz i can tell You all, well, almost all 😊 i tell You this the moment i feel it.

“Maybe you come back as a leader”, You say. And i think of world leaders, political leaders, religious leaders.
I don’t know what You think. “Nah”, i reply. 🤔

But yes lol, You were right! I have come back as a leader, in what seems to be a ‘next’ life
I didn’t really have to die in the PHYSICAL, not this time. I mean, i wasn’t buried or burned 🔥
But yeah, this is kinda dying I guess.

And i have come back as a leader, my own leader! Anyway, to start with 😜
Love

03 Jun
childish things, my way home, twin flames

the pink girl

♥  june 3 . 2017 : Lyra, The One I Am  ♥

I am standing on that hill, the hill i love so so much! This is my world, my whole being, The One I Am!
There is no one else on this hill, yet i am not alone. My companion Alcyone is here. pastedGraphic.png
Alcyone, my guiding star, my master, the brightest light in my universe.
Lyra, he says, you are a healer of the Temple of Light and Love, do your job. pastedGraphic_1.png

I am in the temple, HE is here with me, dark curling hair, those blue eyes!
Now i feel strong, we can manage! Together. pastedGraphic_2.png
Alcyone sends his beam into my Third Eye, into my heart and my hands, and we heal. pastedGraphic_3.png

Ouch! F¥ck! I am 2 years old, a cute little girl in a pink dress, mom is showing off with this pink girl.
In the park, sun is shining. Alcyone, where are you?! Take me away please! I don’t belong here! pastedGraphic_4.png
But Alcyone is gone and im here, feeling trapped, being tied up in some stupid child thing!
I cant move! pastedGraphic_5.png

Now, Alcyone is back. pastedGraphic_6.png
And I Am Lyra.
Took some ‘time’ though.
Ah yes, i agreed it seems.

Welcome to you all, beautiful Light-workers!

15 May
meditations, my way home

retrieving pieces

♥  may 15 . 2017  ♥
After-meditation : retrieving pieces from Lemuria.

# april 30 . 2017 I found out that I had a past life in Lemuria which ended quite dramatically #

I had a beautiful meditation in the presence of Metatron. And it felt good to have him here, and i thought bout Lemuria. That it very likely holds pieces of me, coz i witnessed its fall. So i asked Metatron if he could assist me and he agreed 🙂

I said the words Katherine (Martin Youngren) told me to say : i ask now that all the pieces of me that Lemuria holds, to be wrapped in love and forgiveness and be returned to me at this time. Please i ask that all the pieces of Lemuria that i hold, to be wrapped in love and forgiveness and be returned at this time. Saying this the third time, i began to cry, my stomach and heart area contracting.

Then my third eye contracted and i felt a pressure on my forehead, stronger than i have ever felt. I said the words again, and there suddenly was a beam of light coming into my third eye! Lemuria gave me back the light in my third eye. This was the first time i experienced my own light in my third eye. Now it was receiving and emitting light.

I stayed focussed, receving the gift. I felt light and joy. I thanked Lemuria. What i gave back : i was on the hill again, looking down at the destruction of Lemuria. I asked: what do i have that belongs to you? I felt acceptance and love and pain, my pain, our pain! Again i said the words bout returning all pieces to Lemuria. But now i added:  wrapped in love, forgiveness and LIGHT. And i gave back the pain i felt, carefully wrapped and transmuted into light. The light was very important i felt. I cant give back pain without transmuting it. Again i said the words and it was ok.

For now its ok coz i feel there is more. It all felt very good and enlightening.

My third eye kept glowing for some time, even after this ‘meditation’ was over. And now its presence is more clearly. By the way, i was a healer in Lemuria, a channel, i received light from a sun (Alcyone), i received it in my third eye, it travelled through my throat chakra and connected with my heart. From there it flowed to my hands. And i healed.

So far, till now, the heavy weight i felt on my heart, is almost gone, theres still some weight. Next time! I thanked Metatron for assisting me!

With love

30 Apr
meditations, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames

Lemuria : first contact

♥  april 30 . 2017  ♥
Blue Sky Hypnosis Past Life Meditation

Before i started meditation i asked spirit to guide me and show me what’s most important for me now, at this time.

# The narrator leads me through a meadow and into a building. Inside is a corridor. I choose a door and go inside. #

I am in the corridor, a long long corridor with many doors. I choose the door that is the furthest away. It is a silvery door, very simple, no handle, I am puzzled how to open it and then it simply opens itself.

Inside : I am looking at my feet, I am barefoot. I wear a simple dress with a cord around my waist. I am female, green dress, blond hair in a braid. I am 23 years of age. I wear a simple ring.

Outside : I am standing on the rocky slope of a hill. Sun, a blue sky. The blue of the sky makes me cry. It is a very pleasant scenery and I feel at home here.

Dinner : outside somewhere on the slope of the hill, a simple, rectangular long table, people sitting at the table. My name is Lyra and I collected the foods. Fruits, berries and green vegetables from the surroundings. Most people are seated now and I put the food on the table. I am looking up to the sky, it is a bright and starry night. I love this place and I smile.

A happy scene: I am up the hill, sitting on a bench, with Him! The starry sky, the blue of his eyes and his dark somewhat curly hair. In silence we just sit and enjoy. And I get lost in his eyes.

Another scene : we work together in the temple up the hill, the city lies beneath us. We heal, as a team. There is a man on a bench, we stand on both sides of the bench. From above a sunbeam enters my third eye, the light flows through my throat and heart  and into my hands. Healing Light and I am the channel for this Light. My voice is important too, soft, non-judgmental,  comforting.

Worst scene : I am 46 years of age and again I am with Him on our beloved hill. And we look down upon the ruins of the city, the destruction of what once was our love and our life. And my heart aches (I feel now physically my heart being so heavy!). And we know we gotta part, not only from this world but also from each other. Time to leave has arrived. And it hurts!!

Lesson / gift : I came here to experience pain in all his facets so I could learn to transform it for the benefit of all. And the loss of this world, the loss of Him, is a terrible pain. And I made a vow, there on the hill : give me all the pain I can handle and I transform it. Make me strong and I will bring this love, this world back.

The year : 10.000 BC. The city : Amara. The place : Lemuria.

There was a symbol on the door to Lemuria … an 8 horizontal … eternity.

More about Lemuria.
The Lemurian Connection
wikipedia

21 Apr
meditations, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames, Zero Point & time

a golden me

♥  april 21 . 2017  ♥

BlueSkyHynosis : guided past life regression (youtube) 43:11min

The narrator leads me to a temple, there’s a corridor with doors, i pick one door and go in. Then he asks me questions: how do i look, age, what’s inside, how’s dinner, etc.

The corridor : i choose a door. The door is golden and emitting a soft golden light. A door, very clean and stainless. The number on the door is 11. It has no door handle, it just softly opens to me.

Inside : my feet are golden, i am totally golden it seems, no clothes, just, i am golden. Hair? Gender? Jewelry? I really can’t tell, just that all is golden.

The room : all is golden, the floor, the ceiling, the 3 walls, emitting a soft golden light. The room is square, there’s no opposite wall from where i am standing, the wall is missing and i just look into the universe. Beautiful! It’s dark blue with purple and reds, i see stars, nebula’s, milky ways, I am in awe.

What’s your age : i can’t tell, i am very old! Thousands of years..

What’s the year : it is 9,343 lol, past life i think 🙂 Yep, time doesn’t exist! All fades into one.

How is dinner : i am floating in space now, kinda spinning around and spiraling through space. I am taking in light and i am emitting light. Very at ease and joyful.

Most important scene : i stand again in the golden room, looking into space, where the fourth wall is missing. I see a new star being born and I did this, it’s my creation.

Which person is there : ok wait, it is OUR creation! Coz now i notice the OTHER BEING in the room. It (yep it) looks just like me, a golden soft glowing being, totally at ease and emitting so much love. Just like me i can’t tell if it’s male or female. And i feel it doesn’t matter either. We together are feminine and masculine. I ask myself and IT if it is my twin flame? My higher self? Who are you? And i instantly know, get the answer: I am you, you are me, we are soul, we are two, we are one, don’t label it. We are love, we are creators! And we just created this new star.

Where are you : i got the name Sagittarius. The city : Lyca.

What is the lesson, the message : we, the two of us here in the room, are powerful creators. We create from within the heart. And i feel our hearts emitting sooo much love and light and joy and compassion!

What does ‘you’ there has to tell you : me here (the now, earth, my present life) and me there (the past/future) is all one. Trust you, trust me, i am your higher self, you are me, i am you, i love you, we ARE powerful creators. We are the universe, belief it. Trust it.

Ok, that’s it. So beautiful!
At the beginning of this meditation, my hands got so heavy and warm, glowing! When in the room with our hearts emitting love, i felt them, they are connected to my heart, they create together. They are important: ‘use your hands wisely and with a loving touch’, i was told.
Almost all the time of this meditation, i cried, tears of joy, of happiness, of oneness. And, of remembrance, i remembered! Lol, i remembered the future!
And all the time, there was only love, joy, all was peace and so so … i can’t explain, nothing interfered, not once a single ‘negative’ energy! Not the slightest sign of…