still wounded

♥  march 27 . 2019 ♥

what if all is the same

and it is not bout me

it never was bout me

punches in my stomach

again and again



now, it are

angels, punching

on my shield

my hard heart shield 😁



rising but

stagnate coz

my heart


let her


still wounded

what if


soul retrieval : darkness

♥  march 25 . 2019 .   ♥

Soul retrieval with Katherine Martin Youngren. March 25th 2019, 10:00-11:00 am CET. This is a transcript of my second session with Kat. Here is the link to the first session.

We connect through Messenger, Kat is in America and I am in Europe, we say good morning and Kat is already coughing severely. She tells me: I got up half an hour ago, got me a coffee and i started to cough and feeling very tired… I tell her half an hour ago i sat with a coffee and had to cough severely and cry, i felt very tired yes. But it is not a cold or cough, she tells me. No, i tell her, it is my throat chakra.

Ok, what lives do i want to look at? Kat asks me. I tell her that i feel that no one thing is more important than another, this is the state i am in … do i wanna know bout my DM? Bout Ana? Bout my mission? Is one thing more important than another? I am in limbo …

Kat tells me the story of the caterpillar that is transforming into a butterfly. And it is the cocoon that is pivotal, what is happening in there. It is an inside job, the caterpillar kinda dies inside the cocoon, it has to die so the transformation can be complete. I tell Kat i already felt like dying before, i die again and again. This is another death. We never stop to heal, she says.

So, Kat first cleans me, my chakra’s, aura. And there is much darkness that is attaching to me and inside of me. Kat tells me i have to shield myself when i go outside and when i come back home i have to clear the shield before entering. I take the pain and darkness from others, can be friends, relatives but also totally strangers, i take the darkness with me.

I can shield however way feels good to me, white light, violet flame. I just have to set the intention. Awareness of this is key i suppose …

Then she cleans my house and again she experiences something she never has before: house is trying to heal me, it has taken my pain and darkness, it is in the walls and the floor. And now house is also stuck with this darkness and isn’t even able to say hello to Kat, like it did in the earlier session. For your information: in the former session my house greeted Kat so friendly! Is was so cool it did that, Kat never had a house greeting her so friendly.
So, Kat and me clear house together, we ask house to release the darkness, let it go. After all the clearing i do feel better 🙂

Kat tells me: you know that all of our lives are happening at the same time (there is no time, it is a 3D concept), so this ‘state’ of darkness is playing out now, somewhere …

The Sacrifice 🌸
Kat suggests we are going to look at a life where the darkness attached to me: So i ask, with my hand on my heart: Spirit, can you please show me a life where the root of darkness attached to me? And it gets darker and heavier. I sink, slowly i sink and it is getting darker. I keep sinking, slowly. Where am i? I am pulled down by something, what is it? Something is tied to my feet, dragging me down. It is a rope. And something heavy is on the other end of the rope. And i sense sand and shells, water, little fish. Yes i am in water.

So, who tied the rope to my feet, who wanted me dead? Where was I when this happened? I was on a boat, on a river, there was a party. And i wanted to help the people there, give them light. So i sacrificed myself, thought that would help them so i killed myself.
Now, while sinking and sinking deeper into this dark, i feel the earth around me, i feel the flowers, the trees, the clouds, the grass, the water, and they feel me. They get my light and i see their light. Kat asks me: does it benefit the people on the boat? Mmmm, no it doesn’t …. they aren’t aware of it at all … my suicide was in-vain.

# afterwards
this experience must have had a great impact, i know it has .. the strange thing was, it didn’t feel like drowning, how i expected it to be. The light i was giving to what surrounded me and the light that was given to me by the life around me .. was so serene. There was no struggle to survive, no pain, only compassion. The humans that were partying weren’t aware but all other life was

The Fairy 🌳
Kat asks me: What do you wanna explore now? Another life with darkness attached or a first life where you connected to nature? I choose the latter and i ask spirit to show me. Now i am in a huge ancient forest, huge trees, green leaves, lushly. I am flying through the forest, visit trees, they are friendly. Lol, i am a fairy 🙂 Kat asks me: where is Kat? Can you ask where Kat is? So i ask spirit: Spirit, can you tell me where Kat is? Hard to tell, i get the image of a huge tree. She is the tree or inside the tree? Kat tells me this is ancient Greek and she is a nymph. Now, here sitting on my bed and yet flying around in this magnificent forest, i can feel my crown chakra light up and sparkle. I tell Kat, she feels her crown too.

# afterwards
I had to Google nymph. Suits you dear Kat
There are several kinds of nymphs.
Dryad, also called hamadryad, in Greek mythology, a nymph or nature spirit who lives in trees and takes the form of a beautiful young woman. Dryads were originally the spirits of oak trees (drys: “oak”), but the name was later applied to all tree nymphs.
Later Kat tells me she was the nymph Daphne (see Apollo and Cupid) and she was able to go in and out of trees and water.

Baby Darkness 👻
We are going to look to the first life where i was a guardian of darkness.
It is dark, hard to grasp what is happening, it all is .. feels .. rudimental, i hardly move, just am, big dark .. something. bit moving bit no-moving. im formless. Ah, Kat says something, far far away. Far outside of me. i am totally in myself. She asks me: are you a mother? Ah, a mother! Kinda, there are little things moving inside me, little black square boxes, bout 5 i sense. They move in my chest and they quarrel! And they move and they are loud and they are quarreling, annoying! The one with the loudest mouth is pressing against my chest bone. Auch! It hurts. Inside and outside is all quite dark, like just before dawn.

Kat asks me to send the pieces of darkness out, into the world. I don’t have to carry them inside of me, i can release them so they can do their work in the outside world, stir up some that need it (lol), they can come back and will come back. It is ok, i can send them out again, with love and care. That is not rejection. While i am letting the boxes out they change colors, the black changes into soft colors.

During this ‘past life experience’ i cry quite some. Coz this is what is playing out in my life now, knowing that i can’t reject darkness, i feel too much sorry for it ..

sounds crazy maybe yes i know. It is what it is, there is too much rejection already, too much not seeing, but i see, i feel, and i can’t reject. Nothing. There is neither good nor bad, neither darkness nor light, neither me nor you… All is one and nothing can be rejected, not on the long run.

So yes, darkness comes to me, it attaches to me. Some of it is mine, most is not, lol. And i don’t have to keep it, it won’t benefit me to keep it. I can love it, maybe transform some of it, then let it go.
Kat tells me a part of my mission is to protect nature, another part is giving darkness a voice, a place. Also, i am a keeper of an archangel essence, Lucifer’s. Why doesn’t that surprise me 😈

Side-note: the second angel who presented itself to me in 2016, was Ariel, the angel of nature. The first was Ismael, who helps to open the heart. With thanks to all ‘my’ angels.

To Kat, whom i highly recommend if you consider to explore
With a big hug and much much love sista!

my mother

♥  march 11 . 2019  ♥

my mother
gave birth to me
when she turned 17
just 3 days earlier
on March 24th

she was a child
she was hurt
i didn’t
i took her

took her life

yeah she
when she grew
not wiser

she was

told us



and i love her

hurt !

♥  february 26 . 2019  ♥

Okay, some clearing 😊 after a period of silence.
Im listening to this tarot reader who says im deeply hurt 😳
And yes, i think i finally gotta admit: i am deeply hurt!

After some years now of spiritual growth, acceptance (mmm?), cleansing … i gotta admit all this ‘light-work’ is sooo fucking dark!

Where is that light? That bright, illuminescent, all compassing Source light?! Yeah of course duh, its inside me lol. I passed that stage 😎 Found it!

Light attracks shadow, so, here it is! Right, hurt, yes again, thought i was ‘over’ that, loved all no matter what. The point is, i do, love all, always did. That started the hurt to begin with. I cant hate, cant blame others, never. I know im the creator and it doesn’t really matter 😁

The hurt is back, tenfold. The brighter, the darker, isnt it?
Some days ago i discovered (lol, welcome Geurts!) i am a shadow worker, at the moment i am, guess i always was. Now i know there really is place for the shadows to come. Always there in the shadows, now its time.

27032019 the Devil enters
how appropiate 👿

on the devil’s threshold

♥  february 3 . 2019  ♥

# On the Devil’s treshold. #
In Hermit mode – again

You own nothing
Spirit told me
I am not my thoughts
I am not my emotions
I am not my fears
I am not my words
I am not my self
I am integrating all i was, am, will be
This lifetime
Beyond beyond

I searched for me
Searched in past lifes
Searched in future lifes
Explored galactic lifes

(This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love)

Now, dancing in my kitchen
In this limbo
I dance
I smile
I cry
Coz spirit hits me

I am retrieving
Calling back all i am
In this lifetime
No past
No future

*Lol & fack
Of course!
No future
No past
Only the now!*

I call back all that i am
All my babies
All the crying babies
All the infants
All the fearfull infants
I call back
All my wounded adolescents
All my hurts
All my fears
I call back all
The broken pieces
Of my heart

I know now why
it has to be the Devil

While retrieving me
The darkest parts return first
The light hasn’t arrived yet
Its the dawn of time
The dawn of pain
Ive been there
I choose this

But the deepest pit
Has yet to come
2019 March 27th
Let It Enter
Im ready!

HS smiles
Spirit smiles
The Universe smiles
I smile
………yet, i am all………


♥  november 1 . 2018 : Angus & Julia Stone – from the album  ♥  Snow

your house, my house
any little reason to come around
your future is in my capable hands
but you have to understand that i don’t mean it

all i want to do is run around to your place
fix a drink and pretend that we are ok
we can hide in the cover of the storm
you’re the lightning and i’ll soon be gone

follow me to bottle and we’ll figure it out
i will leave my troubles by the river

your house, my house
running out of reasons to come around
and the part of me that wanted to believe
is making friends with all of my enemies

all i wanna do is run around to your place
and fix a drink and forget that this will all change
pretend that we are ok

follow me to bottle and we’ll figure it out
i will leave my troubles by the river

an offering to appease the ones we love
an opening to fall into your arms

plassen zwart

♥  september 12 . 2018 : poem 1987 ♥

plassen zwart
badend bed
plassen zweet

dat wat was
verscholen in het moeras
borrelend wachtend

de geest verweven
geduldig leven
sissend smachtend

plassen zwart
plassen zwart
van geest

pools of black
bathing bed
pools of sweat

what once was
hiding in the swamp
bubbling waiting

the mind intertwined
temperate life
hissing yearning

pools of black
pools of black
my mind

little little toddler

♥  august 29 . 2018 : little little toddler  ♥

I am crying while telling my inner child that it’s okay, that she wasn’t rude. And she knows she wasn’t rude and now she understands why this toddler song made her sooo mad and sooo sad 🙁

She is bout 3-4 years of age, playing in the small garden of her grandparents. And they sing this toddler song and she gets so angry and then so sad and the little girl yells: no! no, I don’t tremble on the flowers, I don’t do that! And this song was sung for years and every time she got upset and she didn’t understand why these grown-ups could say these terrible things about her.

Well, here it is 🙂

klein klein kleutertje
wat doe je in mijn hof
je plukt er alle bloempjes af
je maakt het veel te grof

o mijn lieve mamaatje
zeg het niet tegen papaatje
ik zal zoet naar school toe gaan
en de bloemetjes laten staan

little little toddler
what are you doing in my yard
you are picking all my flowers
and make it quite a mess

o my dear mummy
please don’t tell daddy
i will go to school now
and leave the little flowers

heart beats slow

♥  august 23 . 2018 : Angus & Julia Stone ♥

Well, I heard you were (you were lying)
About how brave you are
Well, I heard you were (you were still trying)
Trying to get back to the start

And we won’t let it into the kitchen
No, we won’t let it into the house
No, we won’t let it through the front door
Cause it’s burning her pretty little heart

I’m gonna miss you
Gonna miss you, girl
And all of the things we could have done
I’m gonna miss you
I’m gonna miss you
And all of the things we should have done

You say I move so fast
That you can hardly see
You say I move so fast
How could you be with me?

But my heart beats slow
But my heart beats slow
But my heart beats slow
But my heart beats slow

Well I wish you, wish you well
All the best
Well I wish you, I wish you well
All the best

koorts & tranen

♥  august 22 . 2018 : i wrote this in 1987  ♥

koorts & tranen
‘n immense kou
pale blue eyes + stromen tranen
zweet & pijn
‘n niet weten
and i don’t care + beken zweet
kapotgebeten lippen
‘n verschrikkelijke spierpijn
+ ‘n foetushouding
time for you is up
honger + hartstocht
‘n kapotte keel
baby come and free the hurricane
wit + dood
‘n behaaglijke rust
kotsend overeind komend
+ duizelig
a sweet tau
don’t leave me here alone
a sea of jelly
gewond and i’m not human

fever & tears
an immense cold
pale blue eyes + flowing tears
sweat & pain
not knowing
and i do not care + pools of sweat
broken lips
a terrible ache
+ a fetal position
time for you is up
hunger + passion
a sore throat
baby come and free the hurricane
white + dead
a comfortable rest
rising up vomiting
+ dizzy
a sweet tau
don’t leave me here alone
a sea of ​​jelly
wounded and i’m not human

selfie selfie selfie

crash & burn

♥  june 26 . 2018 : Angus & Julia Stone  ♥

Won’t you take me Be my love next door
When you run out I can bring some more
Won’t you throw down This heart of mine
And I’ll roll out My stretch of time
Oh my stretch of time

Billy opened Up a can of worms
So I lit up Smoke and let it burn
Will you come back If I turn and run?

Will you come find me If I crash and burn?
Will you come find me If I crash and burn?
Will you come find me If I crash and burn?

Look so pretty When you brush your hair
Won’t you be so Kind to take me there
Will you come back If I turn and run?

Will you come find me If I crash and burn?
Will you come find me If I crash and burn?
Will you come find me If I crash and burn?

Won’t you take me Be my love next door
When you run out I can bring some more
When you run out When you run out


♥  march 27 . 2018 : translation  ♥
and gates and the fire tr
umpet and the dragon o
n the treasure with anot
her firetrumpet and will
the gate open the guard
s seem nice and friendly
but theres something si
nister                theres fire
an obscured path
theres ice and remorse
maybe some time

it is dark
the abyss lurks
it is scabies
morbidly observed

it feels terrene
the fissure beckons
i feel warmth
my body like

the only one

♥  march 3 . 2018 : Angus & Julia Stone – Draw your swords  ♥

See her come down through the clouds
I feel like a fool
I ain’t got nothing left to give
Not a cent to lose

So come on Love draw your swords
Shoot me to the ground
You are mine I am yours
Lets not fuck around
Cause you are, the only one
Cause you are, the only one

I see them snakes come through the ground
They choke me to the bone
They tie me to their wooden chair
Here are all my songs

So come on Love draw your swords
Shoot me to the ground
You are mine I am yours
Lets not fuck around
Cause you are, the only one
Cause you are, the only one

Songwriters: Angus Stone / Julia Stone

do you believe in unicorns ?

♥  january 28 . 2018 : matters of the heart  ♥

❤️ am i . was i . heartbroken ? guess so

# they tell me : remember . it is all illusion #

“Do you believe in unicorns?”, she asks the little girl. “Yes i did! Of course i did! But then the world showed its ugly face, people just didn’t care bout unicorns. I told them! They wouldn’t listen.

# and they tell me : remember . it is all illusion #

Now she cries, this little, fragile child, showing me her tears, her pain, this f*cking freaking hard harsh world. How could she cope? How could she? Yes! Show me! How can i?! Yes, heart broken. Can you survive a broken heart?

# they say : it is all illusion . you know who you are #

“Ah, you are here,” i tell HS and give him a smile 🙂 Yeah, thought so, you are back”. “Nope,” my higher selfs replies: “YOU are back”, and he smiles. Of course , in the end, i may be stubborn lol, but then you havent met my HS!! Yes yes HS who broke my heart? Former lovers? Parents? Gaias suffering? YOU name it okay?!  I accept it 🙂 with love 🌸😎 You know, my HS is ALWAYS right! I have to admit 🙂 “Who broke your heart?” he asks. And in some weird way, i have to be honest with him lol. Not Who… but What .. if some one broke my heart, it would be me, lol of course!

@ stationary
come on love, draw your swords, shoot me to the ground 🙂
diversions diversions .. WHO WHO WHO WHO
F*<k Y¥o
Don’t u dare 2 G0!
anyway, the Unicorns are back 😎
to be continued 🙂

Love ❤️🌷❤️

a convo with pain

♥  january 3 . 2018  ♥ 

finally i sit with Pain . connecting with it . getting to know it  😩
and i sit with it . and we are silent  🐞  we just sit and be
respecting each other . sometimes looking sideways
finding each others eyes

“Yes”, it says: “i am pain and i suffer, i bring suffering and
you were afraid of me, you rejected me and
i hid in the darkest corners of your being
peeking through the cracks of your perceptions
watching you, watching me.”

“Now i sit with you”, i reply: “i am tired
tired of fighting, tired of fighting you, fighting me
tired of rejecting you, rejecting me
tired of being afraid of you, afraid of me.”

and we smile to each other, we have grown, we are wiser and kinder  💖

* Thank you for being here with me, for respecting me, having compassion with me. Thank you for sitting here with me, in silence. Winter storms outside us, inside us. *

With love 🌹


♥  december 27 . 2017  ♥

I can’t remember when i saw this movie for the first time, it could well be 1981, the year Possession came to the movie houses. At that time they were quite obscure, not really mainstream stuff. Possession is made by Andrzej Zulawski while he and his wife were divorcing.

The first time i saw it, i was in complete horror. I couldn’t say anything about this movie, coz i didn’t know what to think anymore. So confusing! I managed to get this movie, this confusion and total chaos, out of my head and went on with life.

Well, guess i thought i moved on with life, coz deep under the surface 🌀

Yes, i began to appreciate this movie and although it also repelled me and i didn’t know what to think of it, it was able to confuse me, sneak into my head. How and why? Why did it trigger me this much? I was fascinated!

Okay, i saw it a second, third and fourth time.

I mention the movie because to me it is about awakening, duality, the lowest of people and the best of people. I intent to write more about it. 🤔

IMDb about Possession
Wikipedia about Possession
Critics round up

in my angels i trust

♥  november 3 . 2017 : but get the f*ck out of my belly  ♥

A trip to Zero Point 

Sitting on my couch, hearing a song .. and crashing: pain, belly shaking, harder, whole body shaking. Oh no, here we go again! I need a wall and have to lie down, in my staircase, for Christ sake 🤬

Shaking harder, my head, uncontrollable, my belly feels like exploding. Theres something in there. And i cry: “Get out of my belly!” I am scared now and i want it out!

* i realize i have angels and i ask: Metatron, Michael, Ariel, Uriel, Raphael, Zadkiel, Sandalphon, help me please, what is this?! They come and calm me. I form a pillar of light in my body, from Gaia (help me Gaia, please) to my crown chakra, out to the Universe. And activate the Rainbow Bridge. * 🌈

Get out of my belly! Till, a huge sun rises from out of my belly. Wtf, is this good or bad? It’s a bright, friendly sun, no problems. But something has to get out of there, i WANT it out. I let my sun grow, expand, and i examine it. Angels around me, forming a circle, i am safe, lol, just checking, sorry 👍

There is something hidden in there. Now i sense: don’t be scared, don’t be angry, ask it to come out. So i do: will you please come out? I won’t harm you. I ask twice. It comes out, some undefinable, softly greenish glowing form, out of my solar plexus and going up, kinda sneaky lol, as if it doesn’t want to be seen. NO WAY, I think and i am scared again, it wants to go to my heart! The angels tell me: let go, embrace it, hold it. ♥️

Mmmm, trust lol? I guess YES. I sense: hold it as you would hold a baby, it wants to be held. And i calm down and i take this baby and hold it as if it was my own.

Some minutes later, i have calmed down (what the fuck was this? Whats happening? Can YOU all please tell me why? etc etc). Okay: first thing they give me is my twin, he was this entity, a very young child. Then, my belly is my power center, my sun is huge, he was hiding in my sun. Why? I GAVE him control over my solar plexus and it IS attractive. But what he WANTS (needs ?) is to reside in my heart. And So Be It 🙏

Lol, i guess i don’t have to meditate anymore, it comes natural. And, when they want! Free will? I really doubt that! Mine is going down the drain 😮

In WE we trust 😍😘

duality is a veil

♥  oktober 11 . 2017 : ZP – the merging point  ♥

passages of my journey home

Mmm, this turned out to be a bit of a philosophical and scientific post 🤔

Merging of Duality. Ever wondered where two (counter) parts merge? Can you imagine the merging and how that actually feels? And do you try to bring the parts together, as i did? To reduce the space between the counterparts?

A few days ago HS told me to go deeper into my pain and there was already so much pain. I replied: Fuck you! He told me: Fuck YOU! You know what, Higher Self is always right of course. 🙄

I am doing some carpentry in my new home and think bout Higher Self’s words, and i allow my pain to be here and i cry. I let myself drift away with the pain, deeper, deeper, spiraling down, i sink on the floor, crying, shaking. Ok, stay there and feel it! Feel it.  😭

My darkness grows, dark grey smokey trails, till, some light comes in. It expands and my feelings of joy expand. Now i feel / experience as much pain as i feel bliss. They are equal, in balance, and i don’t know what to choose, and i don’t have to! So, i feel both, i let both in. I laugh and i cry.

The strange thing is though, i realize, really realize, there is no merging of dualities because of coming closer, nope, there is a merging cause they are allowed to expand, to grow to infinite space (ZP?) and yes, move away from each other.  ⚛️

* not making them smaller so they will fit in in the space that is convenient for you, not ‘giving them a place’ but by letting them be the infinite energy they are *

And in that infinite space they have the freedom to merge, into oneness, into Yin and Yang
Venus and Mars, DM and DF ♀️♂️

Beyond the veil there is only oneness.
I hope someone can relate to this, lol.

With love ♥️

the last pain

♥  september 18 . 2017 : the last frontier  ♥

* i am angry and i am tired – in Hermit mode *

“Alcy (i call him Alcy since he is no longer my master but an equal presence, and f*ck, he is jumping in and out of my belly so may i!) “Do i get IT all now?” i ask Alcyone, the Great Central Sun.

There is so much knowledge inside me, sometimes it’s almost too much. Joy deepens, pain deepens, and i know the hardest is yet to come. This connecting with ALL there is, with ALL of Gaia but also with my past (and yes I realize there is NO TIME, it is all happening now sigh).

“So Alcy, do i GET IT ALL now?.” 🤔

“Yes, prepare for The Last Frontier, The Last Pain there is”, Alcyone tells me. And he explains: “You are breaking down your walls, you want to be the authentic you, you wanna pull off your masks, you have to! And I am here for you. You are living your last life on Gaia, saying goodbye to Gaia gives you a lot of pain. And Gaia gives you all you need to know and all you want to feel and to experience.”

Yes, Gaia’s uploads into my body won’t stop, they increase and i am glad most of the information is subconscious to me, it will reveal itself when it’s time. This is the last connection, the empath’s nightmare lol. Feeling all of her/these energies, feeling a planet. And i am scared to death! The Last Frontier, The Last Pain, a genuine and loving connection 🙂

Lol, Higher Self is telling me to hurry up finishing my room so ‘we’ can move forward (i’m still busy in my new house). And i know i am procrastinating coz of fear, by the way HS.. ‘we?’ Am ‘I’ nowadays ‘we’? Yes, i am angry! Angry with HS, with the Universe, coz they tell me nothing at the moment. They ‘direct’ me, give me information but no solutions or clues. And i feel blank inside.

Why is my house a friendly old man with gray hair and a gray beard who sits beside me and smiles while i am crying and why is Bert walking across my kitchen in this suit he wears on that pic from ages ago? Ughh, Bert is the guy i thought was my father till my mother told me he wasn’t 🙁 Is he dead? Is this why he is showing up now? Does he have a message?

And these waves, uploads from Gaia? Why? What are they? They drive me crazy! And they increase, bout every 3-4 minutes they come into my legs, up in my body and i shake. Kundalini? HS won’t answer, the Universe won’t answer, Gaia won’t answer, Alcyone won’t answer and my house doesn’t answer, i am blank. 😳

Wait wait wait. And i feel old and i am sooo tired! I am here, recollecting.

Meditation : The little pink girl is in the temple of Telos, in Inner Earth. She has just entered, angels at her side, taking her hands. She walks, in awe and feeling so tiny between the two angels, to the middle of the temple and she asks: “Can i really open my heart now?”. The angels answer in silence yes you can.

“But it hurts, the world comes in and i have to protect myself and i DON’T WANNA protect myself any longer! I am so done with these walls around me!”

Brave little girl, i love you  ♥️

shiver & shake

♥  august 15 . 2017  : and free yourself  ♥


I sit in my garden and my dog is chasing a cat. I smile but then i feel sad, soon i relocate and i have to leave him. I feel a shiver and my body shakes. Lol, this has become so familiar to me, this shaking. Now i look to my dog through Her eyes, Lyra’s eyes, i smile and my heart smiles and i say “thank you”. 🐩

* SHE feels ONE with ALL. She knows that time is an illusion and that sadness is a state of mind. And She lives from Her heart. She looks at her dog and feels only love, She knows this will always exists, nothing is lost, all is here, NOW. And She has the wisdom of the stars and the blessing of the Universe. She is whole, She is Creation * 🌀

“Who are you thanking Lyra”, i sense. Weird, i can’t tell if it is Higher Self or Alcyone. “Well, lol, i thank Me actually. For allowing myself to be here, in this place, at this time and to feel and experience this fully!”

I am at peace
Lyra  ♥️

my little one / the frog

♥  june 20 . 2017  ♥

“My little one, what are you thinking about?” He asks. Yeah, Alcyone calls me ‘my little one’. And now i wanna know, why He calls me this way? 😳

“Am i little?” i ask Him. “Yes, you are a little human,” He says and smiles, “but in fact you are great. And I call you ‘my little one’ coz you care so much for the little beings. The crawling busy insects, the beautiful spiders, slow turtles, the caterpillar in the middle of the busy road, ah and yes, the frog you have beaten to death. 🐢

Yes yes i remember, me beating a frog to death with a wooden stick. Coz, yes it was awful to do but i HAD TO DO IT! PERIOD❗

I found the frog, on a bicycle path. At first i didn’t know what i was looking at, but yeah, f*ck, it was more death than alive, organs out, leg almost torn off, but the head and arms were still a little moving.

So i thought, yeah, it’s awful and i can cycle on and leave ‘it’ here but .. i couldn’t. I guess it was too late already, by staying here, giving this moment attention and to really look at the wounded and torn apart frog and to decide what to do, what could i do? And not to look away in pain or anger or disgust. And to walk away from pain. Whatever pain. The frog’s pain, my pain. What’s the difference anyway? 🤔

Soooo, i found me a sturdy stick, and hit it and hit it and hit it. I don’t know how many times i hit him, or her, i had to be sure he was dead. And of course i beat him to heaven ❤️

Lol, i intended to write about something completely different, but after the first sentences it just ‘changed’ and this real life story came into my memory. Alcyone pranking on me, thx pal. Transmuted this one too 😊

Izta : daddy has come home

♥  june 3 . 2017 . 1:09  ♥

I climb the mountain and lay down on her, Izta. I come here to ground, to feel Gaia.
Gaia protects Izta, the waiting one, the sleeping one, the melting one.
Izta waits for her warrior to come and take her home.
And she waits and waits. But Popo is nowhere in sight. pastedGraphic.png

The little girl waits for her daddy to come home.
Her mom tells her : don’t worry, he will come.
And she waits and waits, but he never came, she never saw him again. pastedGraphic_1.png

And she lost ground and eventually she lost trust, coz now she knows, he was never supposed to come home!
Many many years later, her mother told her : we broke up and i just couldn’t tell you,
you were a little girl, i didn’t want to hurt you. pastedGraphic_2.png

The little girl also discovered that this man, whom she loved and believed to be her daddy, wasn’t her daddy at all.
Well, to her he was, even though she never saw him again. Grown-ups!! Puhhh! Grow up!! pastedGraphic_3.png

And she waits and she sleeps and she melts. And she grounds, together with Izta, the waiting warrioress.
They wait in silence, in peace. Gaia is here, she supports and loves as a gentle mother, Gaia knows. pastedGraphic_4.png

Some day, some night, he will return, Popo, the warrior.
And he will reclaim his rightful place next to his beloved Izta.
Daddy has come home. pastedGraphic_5.png

The story of Izta & Popo