a session with Lucifer

♥  march 18 . 2019 ♥

😈 session with Alyssa (Desert Hempwork) and her guide Lucifer

# march 27th, my birthday, i move into the Devil’s year. So, i feel this reading is very suitable for me

Note: I am/was reluctant to share this one. Coz, a few months ago i was dying to know more bout my DM. Now i realize my own path is more important and I am shifting my focus, I hope I am lol. But as Spirit told me: you own nothing, and I already gave insights in past life sessions, so here is a part of some weird story and some more info about Ana, a very high energy that visits me sometimes. #

I message Alyssa >

First answer >

# My first question gets confirmation so that’s cool! The answer to the second question surprises me pleasantly and yet I feel heavy. I know for some time now that our inner children are important, I got images of them and I started to work on my own inner child, again. But since I am detaching from the twin flame label and focus on me, ahum 😁 I don’t wanna violate his energy, his space, although I can’t really shut down the 5D connection. It is delicate lol. #

More from Lucifer >

# So on point! Getting my power back and take control of it, not being afraid of it, as I was for sooo long. It is returning. Also I know now what this Devil’s year is bringing me: my full power 😜 and pleasure, coz the inner children is also about fun and it is badly needed! #

# Some clarity: I don’t wanna ask / know about my DM but Ana is an energy I am very interested in. To me she is an entity I have an important connection with, twin flame stuff or not, our bond is unique. So yeah, while in this session Ana popped up and I was just curieus. #

# Obviously there is much more information, but I have not yet access to it 🤔 #

# Yeah, wings are here lol 🙏 #

Thanks Alyssa and Lucifer! So i just take off then 😎

Childish Things

Few days later, pondering bout inner child stuff. After some hesitating, I decide to go visit my inner child in her tree house, between the roots of a giant tree 😊 It’s a bit dark inside, gloomy. I tell her to put some trunks on the wood stove. She seems distracted lol, hardly reacts. I ask her if she wants to visit His inner child and reluctantly she goes ..

First impression (where is she drawn to): he is in a corner of his room, with his back turned to the little girl, there is no green, no nature,  he won’t response so she leaves.

Second scene (where does she finds his core): she finds his core in the middle of this corn field where the sun is shining gently and the softly shining gold color of the corn is every where. His core energy is in this shed he build for himself. It has a roof of corn leaves and three walls of corn stalks. But he isn’t home.

She returns to me and I feel a bit guilty I asked her to go and she got rejected, again.

Another visit a few days later. I find my inner child in my heart (she moved!) and we decide to go together and take another look at his inner child (I won’t let her do this alone this time). We take a long walk from my heart through veins and other stuff 😲 till we come to a square room where his inner child is seated, legs crossed, in the upper right corner. Back turned to us and he is doing something with his hands, we can’t see what. Then he turns to us, yes he does notice us, and he turns around to show us. He has a beautiful white shiny orb in his hands, playing with it. Throwing it in the air and catching it. He smiles at us and turns back to the corner to go on with his ‘work’. Okay we go, don’t wanna disturb him.

Okay, I have no intention to push or to violate another person’s energy field and I have my own stuff to attend to. So, I decide for now not to visit him again. I feel like an intruder and I don’t like that. My inner child and me take the path back to my heart.

A few days later I have a session with Kat in which she finds that I hold an essence of the archangel Lucifer.. which again is so fitting.

nothing really matters

♥  april 11 . 2019  : Madonna : nothing really matters  ♥

# please watch the vid, it is beautiful #

trying to define .. darkness, light, duality
and for some time now
sometimes …

i know
nothing really matters
nothing will ever really matter
all will always matter

what if
all is the same
all is
there is

what if
all is true
and every one
is right

what if
all is wrong
and there is

what if

there is
no god
you are


mother of atoms

still wounded

♥  march 27 . 2019 ♥

what if all is the same

and it is not bout me

it never was bout me

punches in my stomach

again and again



now, it are

angels, punching

on my shield

my hard heart shield 😁



rising but

stagnate coz

my heart


let her


still wounded

what if


wrapping up

♥  february 13 . 2019  ♥
1 thing is true 4 sure 😁 nothing is real but source
# a Hermit’s journey # pages of my journal #

wrapping up
Temperance / 2018 / past lifes
wrapping up
past pains / past fears
wrapping up
Gaia / Lyra / Lemuria / Vega
wrapping up
all i was / am / be
Yo / Anna / Ans

wrapping up
1 : humans / aliens ( this plane & that plane )
# love them / hate them # not true ( i could never hate, as an infant i didn’t understand hate, i just didn’t hate, it confused the hell out of me! it made me different, it made me doubt myself, i was clearly wrong! i didn’t fit ) thx Pl. 🙂

wrapping up
2 : GAIA : yes all capitals / wrapping up Gaia is very hard to do. i came to love her, in all these ages, all our lifes 2-gether.
she got me entangled in her web 😎 the drama! the feelings! the hurt! ah, THE PAIN! yes! capitals! i love it you know / got addicted to it / this level / this /

wrapping up
3 : Darkness : i know now that Darkness never leaves me ( and ) / i don’t want it to
coz / just coz / its me

wrapping up
4 : past / which is not
Alcy – Ana – Vega – Y
the corner stone
divine / can we connect

5 : up
/ coz i am
/ nothing
/ else

6 : wrapping
what is [ not existing ] was

7 : seven
welcome to my world

on the devil’s threshold

♥  february 3 . 2019  ♥

# On the Devil’s treshold. #
In Hermit mode – again

You own nothing
Spirit told me
I am not my thoughts
I am not my emotions
I am not my fears
I am not my words
I am not my self
I am integrating all i was, am, will be
This lifetime
Beyond beyond

I searched for me
Searched in past lifes
Searched in future lifes
Explored galactic lifes

(This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love)

Now, dancing in my kitchen
In this limbo
I dance
I smile
I cry
Coz spirit hits me

I am retrieving
Calling back all i am
In this lifetime
No past
No future

*Lol & fack
Of course!
No future
No past
Only the now!*

I call back all that i am
All my babies
All the crying babies
All the infants
All the fearfull infants
I call back
All my wounded adolescents
All my hurts
All my fears
I call back all
The broken pieces
Of my heart

I know now why
it has to be the Devil

While retrieving me
The darkest parts return first
The light hasn’t arrived yet
Its the dawn of time
The dawn of pain
Ive been there
I choose this

But the deepest pit
Has yet to come
2019 March 27th
Let It Enter
Im ready!

HS smiles
Spirit smiles
The Universe smiles
I smile
………yet, i am all………

letting go

♥  january 4 . 2019  ♥

# Pages of my journal – the Hermit’s journey #

As i sit here on my couch, my higher self on my right as usual, i reflect, 2018 is gone.
And i am good at beating myself up: you havent done enough, you havent worked hard enough, you are not worthy.

Higher Self smiles. “Thank god, at least YOU are here!” i tell HS. “WE ALL are”, he says 🙂
Reflecting: yeah, guess i screwed up some things lol, but mostly i grew, i realize i grow and keep growing, against all odds, against all fears.

2018 : Temperance, The always loving Raphael, Wings (fack, i have huge ones, still dont know how to use them lol), lots of pain and an ocean of tears, can i shed more? Yes, they tell me with a smile lol, mfs 🙂

Letting go : 2 turns to 3 The Divine Step In
Ana is visiting me lately, more frequently. She still doesn’t really tell me who she is …
oke, as far as i know : our history goes back to Vega and the Lyran star system, i was Vega …
or, we were Vega, something like that, there was some unity together with Alcyone, the Pleiadian central sun.

Nowadays, Ana is my spirit guide, but her energy is sooo high its hard for me to reach her.
Let go, understand her. But i FEEL her, and she is mostly all white with a blue gaze, like ice.
My first name for her was The Ice Queen. The second was His Mother (lol), the third was Ana.

Ah, letting go yes!
Struggling the whole year with attachments, first and foremost to the twin flame journey. We gotta get rid of the label! It served its purpose. It drives people mad, yet, asking ourselves is the start, isn’t it?

Yes, what is the worst attachment? What is the worst fear?
Rejection popped up a few weeks ago, thought id handled that lol. Guess not.

Ah, i wanna end this now! Uh, i mean the journalling 🙂
Wrapping up not only 2018 but a bunch of lifetimes yo!

With a bunch of love and madness 😎❤️😁

r u ready to fly ?

♥  november 4 . 2018  : Rozalla – are you ready to fly  ♥

Do you know I’m watching your colours keep flashing
I look through your eyes
Grey is for waiting not knowing
You’re going to be by my side
Red is for warning and blue is the colour
And yellow is love
Black is the colour of night
When you’re lying with me

Are you ready to fly
Can you leave the world behind, baby baby
Are you ready to fly
Together we’ll reach for the sky

When I hear you calling me
My heart is jumping and I want you so much
This rainbow emotion is starting to thrill me
I feel good inside
Kaleidoscope spinning as you start to touch me
We’re purple and gold
We live in the focus of love
And we’re drifting away

Are you ready to fly
And leave the world behind, baby baby
Are you ready to fly
Together we’ll reach for the sky

Are you ready to fly
Are you ready to fly

Oh you know I’m watching your colours keep flashing
I look through your eyes
Grey is for waiting not knowing
You’ll be by my side
And red is for warning and blue is my feeling
Black is the colour of the night
When you’re lying with me

Are you ready to fly
And leave the world behind, baby baby
Are you ready to fly
Together we’ll reach for the sky

Are you ready to fly oh yeah ooh
Are you ready
Are you ready

Are you ready to fly
Are you ready to fly

Fly with me oh I
Are you ready to fly
Can you leave the world behind
Are you ready to fly

Ana : the ice queen

♥  august 22 . 2018  ♥
convo with Ana aka The Ice Queen

# wtf is Ana? #
fyi : Ana is a new energy in my life, so i am exploring

I ask Ana if she is Alcyone but i already feel she is not
i see them merging to one but they aren’t one.
She smiles: so you know, we are not one but we are very close. Like some monad? I ask her. No no, she laughs, that is 3D perception, forget the labels 🙂 it is beyond dimensions.

And me? How do i relate to you both? You belong to us, Ana says and laughs again, shes beautiful. Who who who .. am i.. i manage to calm my emotions and mind, don’t dare to feel that that. Yes, you are Vega, Ana tells me and Alcyone smiles, hey there, i’m back.

And i died, Vega died, i felt Her dying, me dying i guess. Thats why this Vega war haunts me lol. I died there, i loved her, i died there, again and again, this endless circle of dying, living, and living is dying and dying is living and and why has there be so much pain and so much war and why are people not nice mom and why and why ….

… dont you shut up and stop your questions little girl, you are driving me crazy, she says… and i look at the ground, my shoes they shine, my black shiny shoes, i love them, they love me

Mmm, she still exists in our star charts, the info about her dead has yet to reach us.
Funny thing, i know 😉

Alcyone – Ana – Vega
what trinity wtf?
guess Ana is a star too
merging? Alcyone smiles the moment i feel it
lol, they are twin flames

Love ♥️

i fear the day

♥  august 10 . 2018  ♥

I am going to oil some wooden trays and i fetch the sunflower oil. And for a moment i am afraid the tray is going to tell me it wants chestnut oil 😯

Oh yes, and then another tray is yelling: “And i want olive oil!”

Lol, this didn’t happen, not today anyway … but i fear the day they are going to tell me what they want

a message from Bob

♥  august 7 . 2018  ♥

There is more about Robert Monroe on my site, not much yet, more to come. See tag below.

there is no beginning, there is no end, there is only change

there is no teacher, there is no student, there is only remembering

there is no good, there is no evil, there is only expression

there is no union, there is no sharing, there is only one

there is no joy, there is no sadness, there is only love

there is no greater, there is no lesser, there is only balance

there is no stasis, there is no entropy, there is only motion

there is no wakefulness, there is no sleep, there is only being

there is no limit, there is no chance, there is only a plan

from Robert A. Monroe : Ultimate journey

There are 3 books in this series.
Book 1 : Journeys out of the body
Book 2 : Far Journeys
Book 3 : Ultimate Journey

i am

♥  july 14 . 2018 : i am  ♥

i quit waiting, can’t do it anymore
struggle with waiting for years now
i’m done with it
it only delays my own path
i have to focus on my own path

i am
evaluating & re-evaluating
defining & re-defining
creating & re-creating
i love me
i love you
i love

so, i am consolidating my energy
can’t afford now to spread it everywhere lol
i will set my boundaries, ah f*ck, i have none!
still, i have to define what is me, what is you, what is the collective

so i am withdrawing my energy
to feel what is me, what is you
your pain is my pain, your joy is my joy
my pain is your pain, my joy is your joy
yet, i am a human with strictly set boundaries
namaste, with love
Ans 🌹

am i channeling myself ?

♥  may 29 . 2018  ♥

“HS, who is giving me my information?”, i ask my higher self, while showering and feeling his presence.
HS smiles and i know, much comes from him, my male HS!
“But but lol, you stand here next to me, not above me, and we are one more and more.
So basically, i am channeling myself?”, i ask him. 🤔

We look at each other … and burst out in a laugh!
“Yes, basically”, he replies.
With compassion,
from the silly neighbor who bursts out in a laugh while showering alone. 😳

a visitor

♥  march 16 . 2018  ♥ 

in my kitchen . crying . despair . loss . pain
there is a presence . nah not Bert
i cry and i am so tired . someone is here ?
i wanna ask who is here now
but i am too afraid to ask

i just cry . looking at my Higher Self for support
without words i ask HS : who’s here ?
you find out . he replies
i am so scared . trying to speak and ask
who are you ? but i can’t

who … who … w … w …
im just too scared . this new presence
too much for me to cope with

finally . after minutes . i manage to ask
who are you ?
lol . it just disappeared !
i was too late 🙁

ok . i know why i was so afraid
i know who it was

wow i leveled !

♥  february 28 . 2018  : and a door opened  ♥

In bed, shaking, the energies rush up through my legs, they come from Izta : my grounding force, Gaia’s daughter, i love her, she is my sista ♥️ The energies rush up my spine, get stuck halfway my belly and my heart and i shake and shake. Open your crown, consciously, i sense. Of course i obey lol, resistance is futile you know.

I imagine my crown opening gently with white flower petals. The energies rush up, they feed my wings, my little pink glowing wings, from when i was a child, now growing big and white, still vulnerable.

“Hi HS,” i greet my Higher Self who is showing up now, “Uhhh why are you male?”, i ask Him. “Coz you are female”, he replies and smiles. Ah it is all about balance now, i get it. Going into this Temperance year. Maybe weird but i am really looking forward to it. 🌀

* A room, square, only a door and HS in a tuxedo and white tie lol! What, wait, i am in a ballroom gown and HS is standing behind me. We are facing a closed door. HS puts his hands on my back and gently guides me to this door. “You are a gentleman too”, i tell HS while turning my head and giving him a smile. “Of course i am”, he replies and directs me to the door.

I turn my face to the door and .. f*ck! I face the open door, it is a black hole, it is all black, it is the universe, lol, i don’t know WHAT it is and HS gives me a gentle push, and i stumble across the threshold. 😯

And while i fall and fall and fall, i hear HS shouting: “It’s a test!” *

Wtf! Are you ready ⁉️

living temperancely

♥  february 24 . 2018  ♥

“My year of living temperancely”, i say to Raphael, giving Him a smile. 🙃
March 27th is my birthday, going from a Death year into the Temperance year.
Poeh, can I have some rest please, Raphael?

Raphael pours his cups once again, and again … and again …
“You know kiddo, we were friends ever since, well ‘there’, you forgot but I know I kept your wings for you till you were ready to fly again. I strengthened your heart when you thought it would break. I ignited your flame when you thought there was not a single spark left.

Slowly you are remembering our bond, our vow. Yes, a vow There, see, the tears, you are crying now. Tears of gratitude I sense. Go now, it is time, little one.”
Temperance is dedicated to Raphael, the protector of my heart.

Yo, I am  ♥️


♥  december 27 . 2017  ♥

I can’t remember when i saw this movie for the first time, it could well be 1981, the year Possession came to the movie houses. At that time they were quite obscure, not really mainstream stuff. Possession is made by Andrzej Zulawski while he and his wife were divorcing.

The first time i saw it, i was in complete horror. I couldn’t say anything about this movie, coz i didn’t know what to think anymore. So confusing! I managed to get this movie, this confusion and total chaos, out of my head and went on with life.

Well, guess i thought i moved on with life, coz deep under the surface 🌀

Yes, i began to appreciate this movie and although it also repelled me and i didn’t know what to think of it, it was able to confuse me, sneak into my head. How and why? Why did it trigger me this much? I was fascinated!

Okay, i saw it a second, third and fourth time.

I mention the movie because to me it is about awakening, duality, the lowest of people and the best of people. I intent to write more about it. 🤔

IMDb about Possession
Wikipedia about Possession
Critics round up

Robert Monroe : quote

♥  november 20, 2017 : i am more than my physical body  ♥

Robert Monroe was a successful and distinguished business executive, dedicated family man, and noted pioneer in the investigation of human consciousness. He invented the Hemi-Sync® audio technology and founded The Monroe Institute®, a global organization dedicated to expanding the uses and understanding of consciousness >> more info The Monroe Institute

because i am more than physical matter , i can perceive that which is greater than the physical world . therefore , i deeply desire to expand , to experience ; to know , to understand ; to control , to use such greater energies and energy systems as may be beneficial and constructive to me and to those who follow me . also , i deeply desire the help and cooperation , the assistance , the understanding of those individuals whose wisdom , development and experience are equal or greater than my own . i ask their guidance and protection from any influence or any source that might provide me with less than my stated desires

in my angels i trust

♥  november 3 . 2017 : but get the f*ck out of my belly  ♥

A trip to Zero Point 

Sitting on my couch, hearing a song .. and crashing: pain, belly shaking, harder, whole body shaking. Oh no, here we go again! I need a wall and have to lie down, in my staircase, for Christ sake 🤬

Shaking harder, my head, uncontrollable, my belly feels like exploding. Theres something in there. And i cry: “Get out of my belly!” I am scared now and i want it out!

* i realize i have angels and i ask: Metatron, Michael, Ariel, Uriel, Raphael, Zadkiel, Sandalphon, help me please, what is this?! They come and calm me. I form a pillar of light in my body, from Gaia (help me Gaia, please) to my crown chakra, out to the Universe. And activate the Rainbow Bridge. * 🌈

Get out of my belly! Till, a huge sun rises from out of my belly. Wtf, is this good or bad? It’s a bright, friendly sun, no problems. But something has to get out of there, i WANT it out. I let my sun grow, expand, and i examine it. Angels around me, forming a circle, i am safe, lol, just checking, sorry 👍

There is something hidden in there. Now i sense: don’t be scared, don’t be angry, ask it to come out. So i do: will you please come out? I won’t harm you. I ask twice. It comes out, some undefinable, softly greenish glowing form, out of my solar plexus and going up, kinda sneaky lol, as if it doesn’t want to be seen. NO WAY, I think and i am scared again, it wants to go to my heart! The angels tell me: let go, embrace it, hold it. ♥️

Mmmm, trust lol? I guess YES. I sense: hold it as you would hold a baby, it wants to be held. And i calm down and i take this baby and hold it as if it was my own.

Some minutes later, i have calmed down (what the fuck was this? Whats happening? Can YOU all please tell me why? etc etc). Okay: first thing they give me is my twin, he was this entity, a very young child. Then, my belly is my power center, my sun is huge, he was hiding in my sun. Why? I GAVE him control over my solar plexus and it IS attractive. But what he WANTS (needs ?) is to reside in my heart. And So Be It 🙏

Lol, i guess i don’t have to meditate anymore, it comes natural. And, when they want! Free will? I really doubt that! Mine is going down the drain 😮

In WE we trust 😍😘

the death of Vega

♥  oktober 29 . 2017 : dimensionality is a human concept  ♥

3D, 5D we are quite known with this concepts now. We think we have integrated them in our daily lives. By the way, shifting paradigms, shifting timelines? Do we really think we know what we are doing? Hold on!! 🌀

Do we? Join me on the next step: Zero Point. The Creators Dominion, The space without space, time without time, dimensions without dimensions. Can you still follow me?

I went back, way back: Paris 19th century, Lemuria bout 12k B.C., the rise of the Pleiadians, go back go back they say, the Lyran war, the death of Vega, i WAS Vega 🤔

Then i realized, i didn’t have to be Vega to feel her pain, her dying. I merge more and more into unity consciousness, into Zero Point where timelines collapse, where all is one, where i don’t have to be that murderer of my twin in Paris, where i no longer am the healer in Lemuria.

No, i am not that past or that present, more and more i am the energy. That flame of Creation that experiences everything, connected to all that is.

And fuck you!! Its fucking hard, lol.

Thanks dear Kat ♥️

resistance and a sneaky soul 😲

♥  october 22 . 2017 : resistance and a sneaky soul  ♥ 😲

I quarrel with Higher Self, my guides, some angels, a fairy, whatever 😡 while my soul tries to sneak into my body.

Yes, our souls want our bodies! Is this some new approach from above? Am i too slow, too stubborn? Lol, yes, i am in resistance at the moment. What? Why? F*ck, all the old me is falling apart, and i try hard to hold on to the last known pieces, the last known securities, the last comfort-zone. 🗝

What does it mean when the soul merges with the body, the psychical? Yes, we heard again and again that ascension this time isn’t about going up, but about the spiritual descending in the psychical. Well, our souls want to come in, avoiding the interpreters like HS, guides etc. They are very useful yes, but the soul is far more direct.

The soul resides in that Zero Point where all merges. It won’t be an easy proces, merging soul and 3D. We (soul and human and ego and energy and emotions and so on) gotta merge and travel together through a diversity of densities, of colors, of darkness. Well, good luck to all of us 🍀♥️

duality is a veil

♥  oktober 11 . 2017 : ZP – the merging point  ♥

passages of my journey home

Mmm, this turned out to be a bit of a philosophical and scientific post 🤔

Merging of Duality. Ever wondered where two (counter) parts merge? Can you imagine the merging and how that actually feels? And do you try to bring the parts together, as i did? To reduce the space between the counterparts?

A few days ago HS told me to go deeper into my pain and there was already so much pain. I replied: Fuck you! He told me: Fuck YOU! You know what, Higher Self is always right of course. 🙄

I am doing some carpentry in my new home and think bout Higher Self’s words, and i allow my pain to be here and i cry. I let myself drift away with the pain, deeper, deeper, spiraling down, i sink on the floor, crying, shaking. Ok, stay there and feel it! Feel it.  😭

My darkness grows, dark grey smokey trails, till, some light comes in. It expands and my feelings of joy expand. Now i feel / experience as much pain as i feel bliss. They are equal, in balance, and i don’t know what to choose, and i don’t have to! So, i feel both, i let both in. I laugh and i cry.

The strange thing is though, i realize, really realize, there is no merging of dualities because of coming closer, nope, there is a merging cause they are allowed to expand, to grow to infinite space (ZP?) and yes, move away from each other.  ⚛️

* not making them smaller so they will fit in in the space that is convenient for you, not ‘giving them a place’ but by letting them be the infinite energy they are *

And in that infinite space they have the freedom to merge, into oneness, into Yin and Yang
Venus and Mars, DM and DF ♀️♂️

Beyond the veil there is only oneness.
I hope someone can relate to this, lol.

With love ♥️

the last pain

♥  september 18 . 2017 : the last frontier  ♥

* i am angry and i am tired – in Hermit mode *

“Alcy (i call him Alcy since he is no longer my master but an equal presence, and f*ck, he is jumping in and out of my belly so may i!) “Do i get IT all now?” i ask Alcyone, the Great Central Sun.

There is so much knowledge inside me, sometimes it’s almost too much. Joy deepens, pain deepens, and i know the hardest is yet to come. This connecting with ALL there is, with ALL of Gaia but also with my past (and yes I realize there is NO TIME, it is all happening now sigh).

“So Alcy, do i GET IT ALL now?.” 🤔

“Yes, prepare for The Last Frontier, The Last Pain there is”, Alcyone tells me. And he explains: “You are breaking down your walls, you want to be the authentic you, you wanna pull off your masks, you have to! And I am here for you. You are living your last life on Gaia, saying goodbye to Gaia gives you a lot of pain. And Gaia gives you all you need to know and all you want to feel and to experience.”

Yes, Gaia’s uploads into my body won’t stop, they increase and i am glad most of the information is subconscious to me, it will reveal itself when it’s time. This is the last connection, the empath’s nightmare lol. Feeling all of her/these energies, feeling a planet. And i am scared to death! The Last Frontier, The Last Pain, a genuine and loving connection 🙂

Lol, Higher Self is telling me to hurry up finishing my room so ‘we’ can move forward (i’m still busy in my new house). And i know i am procrastinating coz of fear, by the way HS.. ‘we?’ Am ‘I’ nowadays ‘we’? Yes, i am angry! Angry with HS, with the Universe, coz they tell me nothing at the moment. They ‘direct’ me, give me information but no solutions or clues. And i feel blank inside.

Why is my house a friendly old man with gray hair and a gray beard who sits beside me and smiles while i am crying and why is Bert walking across my kitchen in this suit he wears on that pic from ages ago? Ughh, Bert is the guy i thought was my father till my mother told me he wasn’t 🙁 Is he dead? Is this why he is showing up now? Does he have a message?

And these waves, uploads from Gaia? Why? What are they? They drive me crazy! And they increase, bout every 3-4 minutes they come into my legs, up in my body and i shake. Kundalini? HS won’t answer, the Universe won’t answer, Gaia won’t answer, Alcyone won’t answer and my house doesn’t answer, i am blank. 😳

Wait wait wait. And i feel old and i am sooo tired! I am here, recollecting.

Meditation : The little pink girl is in the temple of Telos, in Inner Earth. She has just entered, angels at her side, taking her hands. She walks, in awe and feeling so tiny between the two angels, to the middle of the temple and she asks: “Can i really open my heart now?”. The angels answer in silence yes you can.

“But it hurts, the world comes in and i have to protect myself and i DON’T WANNA protect myself any longer! I am so done with these walls around me!”

Brave little girl, i love you  ♥️

my house talks to me

♥  september 12 . 2017  ♥

Bout a month ago I moved into my new home, a small apartment in a (rebuild) monastery. Long story short: i lived here some 20 years ago, in another part of the building. At that time we discovered a leyline crossing our building. I met my husband here, married here, moved with my hus and now divorcing and returning to this lovely place. Okay, what’s new? My House Talks To Me 😳

I am doing some carpeting in my bedroom and kick a piece of wood out of the way, mmm, IT doesn’t seem to like that. ‘You don’t want that?, i ask. ‘Who wants to be kicked?’ it answers. Okay okay, I interact with flowers, trees, bricks, houses, why not a piece of wood? ‘Yes, why not?’ i sense. “Beautiful stones with a history, telling a story, you enlightened humans can accept that, can you accept a piece of wood with his own history?”

I look around in this room and connect, MY bedroom. I FEEL the wooden roof, the floor, the walls. And i cry! Suddenly. WE ARE ONE, WE ARE CONNECTED. And this place talks to me, now: ‘Finally, you know now I am here, YOU are here, I wanted YOU here, you belong here, now at his time, this place. Yes, you discovered 1 leyline, there is another line, just crossing the first, you are now above this crossroads of leylines, this grid point, you are where you are supposed to be, finally. I asked you to come, coz the time is NOW. And you listened, you felt my call.

And i know, since months i have this strange energies running up my legs, they come from Gaia. And i wondered where they come from and why. And now it seems related to this place. I cry and cry and i ask this presence to stop now, i can’t handle anymore. Yes, i knew there was something with this peculiar place, I have to be here. Well, i am here .. but .. lol .. i am exhausted!

Okay, i think this is enough, to me at this moment it is enough.
Actually there was more stuff but i edited this one. At this point it is even too weird to me 🤔

Love ♥️

the Hermit

♥  august 2 . 2017 : a friendly raindrop  ♥

I am rediscovering the Tarot, now in an intuitive way. Years ago i studied the cards, using books to understand the messages. Now messages flow more. So, since we are so busy clearing old crap and with these strong energies around, i started with spreads on pics. And while being bombarded with waves, hidden knowledge came to the surface. 🔒

The spread: 4 pics, 4 different ages. The one with the biggest impact was the youngest me, it seems she is/was the wisest. Being born under the sign of Aries, with the number 9 the Hermit, she was born with Empress capabilities. The very moment i draw the Hermit, i burst out in tears. I draw my ‘own’ card, the card i feel so familiar with, and in a split second i know: you knew, i tell the girl in the pic, you knew it all.

♥️ little one ♥️ i know what my life is going to be, i know i will meet Him in this lifetime, i know what i came here for. Im standing outside, it drizzles. A raindrop comes along. I see it and IT SEES ME. It smiles at me. I cry and thank the drop, for seeing me. It thanks me for seeing IT. And the waves keep pouring in. 🌀

“Did you doubted she knew?,” Higher Self asks, while i close the curtains (f*ck, this late already, i gotta sleep!). “Well HS, i didn’t really know but i was wondering for some time now what she wanted to tell me.”
“Well, yes she knew all: who she was, why she came, that He would come. Coz they made this arrangement, long long time ago, when Lemuria fell. The both of them. To be there/here, the time was right. The time is NOW.”
“Thanks HS, but i really gotta sleep now. Goodnight.” ♥️

And goodnight little powerful one, im proud of you. 😊

i am awful !

♥  july 2 . 2017 : what the f*ck is 5D ?  ♥

I am awful, i tell myself, while cleaning the house, where everything has its own place. I wipe some dust off a table. Yeah, really awful! I am such a perfectionist, so meticulous. Lol, You are here, smiling, only You know HOW meticulous I am. And i am happy and as you laugh about me, i laugh about me. 🙂

January 2017 : after 1,5 year of crying, confusion, pain, doubt, lol, dark night of the soul, welcome, i love you! I don’t know how i managed, but i did somehow. thank you Ariel, Ismael and Gaia/Izta. I was sooo tired of it all, i felt like shedding all the tears i had, purged all the pain i ever experienced. And i accepted. Just as it was, it is what it is. And i let Him free, let him BE.

And i discovered all these Facebook-rooms, read all these posts bout twin flames, bout ‘waves’ coming in, bout 5D (what the f*ck is 5D?), bout a ‘journey’ (journey, journey, what journey, ME?). Nowadays, lol, i can’t shake His higher self of my back! He is always here, smiling, loving my stupid habits, my addictions (which are his too by the way), my sexual fantasies (and we do share these too). 😮

And i think : was it only January? Really? How much did i flipped the circle? On which spiral am i now? Yep. DNOTS and 6 months of clarity, love, acceptance, letting go and finally knowing, feeling    I AM WHO I AM

Yo . Lyra . Johanna . Jo , Ans . Anna . transmuter of pain . starseed . Pleiadian . Lemurian healer . murderer . lover . Lyran . priestess of Alcyone . a child of God / Source / Eternity. Yes my love, we are ALL. And we go higher, another spiral, another battle, a ‘battle’ we already won.

Thank you all! Lightworkers, friends, companions on this journey, confused ones, karmic ones, source, inner child, TF’s, angels, guides, trees. Yes, and now i realize i am as crazy as you ‘guys’. ♥️

silly woman

♥  june 2 . 2017 . 23:56 : are you male or female?  ♥

I walk in this beautiful monestary garden, it is summer, and i am enjoying the flowers.
I love the little ones most, the ones that struggle to survive amongst the bigger plants and trees.
And i feel drawn to a small group of little flowers under a tree. pastedGraphic.png

I ask them : hello there, can i ask you something? Oh, ok, they say.
Lol, it sounds a bit like they are annoyed.
I ask : are you male or female? I got a sense of not understanding, so i ask : are you a man or a woman? pastedGraphic_1.pngpastedGraphic_2.png

One replies : what is man, what is woman? We don’t know these words.
So, i try to explain to them, in a biological way, but i sense im getting nowhere. pastedGraphic_3.png
They are confused, and i feel sorry i got them confused.

The speaking one tells me : no no, we are all one, we are the same, you got it wrong! pastedGraphic_4.png
Lol, now they got me confused! 

At this point i think : you silly woman, you are talking with flowers!
And i go on with my walk. pastedGraphic_5.png

This happened bout 20 years ago, long long time before my awakening.
I remembered this conversation just now! Silly woman pastedGraphic_6.png

i am not alone

♥  may 27 . 2017  ♥

I am not alone, in fact, i never was. It just seemed so, a drifting soul in a vast universe.
A blue planet, blue waters, a sentient being, a blue being. How the hell did i get here?
Ah yes, it seems i agreed to be here, at this time. Did i? Wtf!

I remember being a child, by the way, i am still that child, the child that didn’t want to be here.
It was hiding in a tree, between the roots of a loving, compassionate tree 🙂 thank you tree.
It was safe there, taken care off. The child was playful, sensitive.

It wanted a purse, 3 years of age, in a store with mom and grandma, she didn’t get the purse.
She threw herself on the floor, yelling: i want that purse!
The grown-ups where embarrassed with this child.

Now? I give her all the purses she wants, Green, purple, yellow, blue, red.
But, all she wants is the treehouse, and walking the bridge to the Stellar Gateway!
Playing with the stars.

The stars smile at her, she is a star-child.

Thanks Carolyn Kundalini 🙂

dancing with the moon

♥  may 14 . 2017  ♥


Don’t know where we’re going, But I know I saw in
your eyes My life growing, To unite with u
And the time is towing, us to age And tossing
years But we’re still glowing, Like we never knew

We took a decision, To have no definition
And our ammunition, Is to keep our love true
We chose to share a vision, More then we envisioned
While this song is playing, I want to dance with u

So put on that record that we use to listen to
When we found the truth
A golden soft memory in blue
To repaint it, in me and in u
So put on that record that we use to listen to
When we found the truth

I’m dancing in your garden, To ease up all that’s harden
plant a seed this morning, To see a flower bloom
Words need not be spoken, Sleeping souls have woken
And this song is not more then, a blooming after noon

For there is no other, For me u are the mother
A perfect sound of ever, In a perfect tune
As night slowly approaching, The sun is set for love
And when I see u smiling, I’m dancing with the moon

So put on that record that we use to listen to
When we found the truth
A golden soft memory in blue
To repaint it, in me and in u

So put on that record that we use to listen to
When we found the truth
A golden soft memory in blue
To repaint it, in me and in u

Don’t know where we’re going, But I know I saw in
your eyes My life growing, To unite with u
And the time is towing, us to age And tossing
years But we’re still glowing, Like we never knew