still wounded

♥  march 27 . 2019 ♥

what if all is the same

and it is not bout me

it never was bout me

punches in my stomach

again and again



now, it are

angels, punching

on my shield

my hard heart shield 😁



rising but

stagnate coz

my heart


let her


still wounded

what if


wrapping up

♥  february 13 . 2019  ♥
1 thing is true 4 sure 😁 nothing is real but source
# a Hermit’s journey # pages of my journal #

wrapping up
Temperance / 2018 / past lifes
wrapping up
past pains / past fears
wrapping up
Gaia / Lyra / Lemuria / Vega
wrapping up
all i was / am / be
Yo / Anna / Ans

wrapping up
1 : humans / aliens ( this plane & that plane )
# love them / hate them # not true ( i could never hate, as an infant i didn’t understand hate, i just didn’t hate, it confused the hell out of me! it made me different, it made me doubt myself, i was clearly wrong! i didn’t fit ) thx Pl. 🙂

wrapping up
2 : GAIA : yes all capitals / wrapping up Gaia is very hard to do. i came to love her, in all these ages, all our lifes 2-gether.
she got me entangled in her web 😎 the drama! the feelings! the hurt! ah, THE PAIN! yes! capitals! i love it you know / got addicted to it / this level / this /

wrapping up
3 : Darkness : i know now that Darkness never leaves me ( and ) / i don’t want it to
coz / just coz / its me

wrapping up
4 : past / which is not
Alcy – Ana – Vega – Y
the corner stone
divine / can we connect

5 : up
/ coz i am
/ nothing
/ else

6 : wrapping
what is [ not existing ] was

7 : seven
welcome to my world

Lindow man : poem

♥  november 2 . 2018 : poem 1987  ♥

about the translation : actually, in dutch ‘leer’ means both leather and doctrine, so this poem is very hard to translate, i choose doctrine coz it seems most suitable, however something gets lost here 🙃

leer van huid
leer van verleden

leer van geest
leer van vernietiging

moeras van kennis
en verlies

moeras van dromen
en verloren mens die niet
terug zal komen

doctrine of skin
doctrine of past

doctrine of spirit
doctrine of destruction

swamp of knowledge
and loss

swamp of dreams and
lost human who will not

man van turf

♥  october 15 . 2018 : poem 1987 ♥

natte turf
ijzerrijk begraven
het lichaam trekt
kille haven

de inhoud is
bewaard gebleven
en heeft tumor


de hersens gezeefd
tienmaal geleefd
hemel bezeten

poems are hard to translate because of rhyme and rhythm, yet i give it a try  🙃

wet peat
iron rich buried
body heat
cold harbor

the content is
well kept
and has given


the brain sifted
ten times lived
heaven possessed

plassen zwart

♥  september 12 . 2018 : poem 1987 ♥

plassen zwart
badend bed
plassen zweet

dat wat was
verscholen in het moeras
borrelend wachtend

de geest verweven
geduldig leven
sissend smachtend

plassen zwart
plassen zwart
van geest

pools of black
bathing bed
pools of sweat

what once was
hiding in the swamp
bubbling waiting

the mind intertwined
temperate life
hissing yearning

pools of black
pools of black
my mind

little little toddler

♥  august 29 . 2018 : little little toddler  ♥

I am crying while telling my inner child that it’s okay, that she wasn’t rude. And she knows she wasn’t rude and now she understands why this toddler song made her sooo mad and sooo sad 🙁

She is bout 3-4 years of age, playing in the small garden of her grandparents. And they sing this toddler song and she gets so angry and then so sad and the little girl yells: no! no, I don’t tremble on the flowers, I don’t do that! And this song was sung for years and every time she got upset and she didn’t understand why these grown-ups could say these terrible things about her.

Well, here it is 🙂

klein klein kleutertje
wat doe je in mijn hof
je plukt er alle bloempjes af
je maakt het veel te grof

o mijn lieve mamaatje
zeg het niet tegen papaatje
ik zal zoet naar school toe gaan
en de bloemetjes laten staan

little little toddler
what are you doing in my yard
you are picking all my flowers
and make it quite a mess

o my dear mummy
please don’t tell daddy
i will go to school now
and leave the little flowers

koorts & tranen

♥  august 22 . 2018 : i wrote this in 1987  ♥

koorts & tranen
‘n immense kou
pale blue eyes + stromen tranen
zweet & pijn
‘n niet weten
and i don’t care + beken zweet
kapotgebeten lippen
‘n verschrikkelijke spierpijn
+ ‘n foetushouding
time for you is up
honger + hartstocht
‘n kapotte keel
baby come and free the hurricane
wit + dood
‘n behaaglijke rust
kotsend overeind komend
+ duizelig
a sweet tau
don’t leave me here alone
a sea of jelly
gewond and i’m not human

fever & tears
an immense cold
pale blue eyes + flowing tears
sweat & pain
not knowing
and i do not care + pools of sweat
broken lips
a terrible ache
+ a fetal position
time for you is up
hunger + passion
a sore throat
baby come and free the hurricane
white + dead
a comfortable rest
rising up vomiting
+ dizzy
a sweet tau
don’t leave me here alone
a sea of ​​jelly
wounded and i’m not human

a message from Bob

♥  august 7 . 2018  ♥

There is more about Robert Monroe on my site, not much yet, more to come. See tag below.

there is no beginning, there is no end, there is only change

there is no teacher, there is no student, there is only remembering

there is no good, there is no evil, there is only expression

there is no union, there is no sharing, there is only one

there is no joy, there is no sadness, there is only love

there is no greater, there is no lesser, there is only balance

there is no stasis, there is no entropy, there is only motion

there is no wakefulness, there is no sleep, there is only being

there is no limit, there is no chance, there is only a plan

from Robert A. Monroe : Ultimate journey

There are 3 books in this series.
Book 1 : Journeys out of the body
Book 2 : Far Journeys
Book 3 : Ultimate Journey

what do u need ?

♥  august 5 . 2018 : to feel  ♥

u r good enough
u r love & nothing else matters
u r perfect & divine & u

don’t need me
to tell u

who u r
what u feel
what u need

u don’t need me

for confirmation
for security
for love

but u might want me
to be ur equal

Yo 🔥

some trapjaw age

♥  april 18 . 2018  ♥

het was licht
die nacht
de autolampen waren aan
zou op wacht gaan staan

het was donker
die dag
de maan was nogal nukkig
toen de oorlog kwam
was iedereen gelukkig

ging op pad
het geloof voorgoed verloren
toen de wereld was
kon zij niet meer bekoren

it was light
that night
headlights shining bright
would stand guard

it was dark
that day
the moon was rather stubborn
when the war came
everyone was happy

took a hike
losing faith forever
when the world became
she could no longer charm

wrote this decades ago for my youngest brother


♥  march 27 . 2018 : translation  ♥
and gates and the fire tr
umpet and the dragon o
n the treasure with anot
her firetrumpet and will
the gate open the guard
s seem nice and friendly
but theres something si
nister                theres fire
an obscured path
theres ice and remorse
maybe some time

it is dark
the abyss lurks
it is scabies
morbidly observed

it feels terrene
the fissure beckons
i feel warmth
my body like

a convo with pain

♥  january 3 . 2018  ♥ 

finally i sit with Pain . connecting with it . getting to know it  😩
and i sit with it . and we are silent  🐞  we just sit and be
respecting each other . sometimes looking sideways
finding each others eyes

“Yes”, it says: “i am pain and i suffer, i bring suffering and
you were afraid of me, you rejected me and
i hid in the darkest corners of your being
peeking through the cracks of your perceptions
watching you, watching me.”

“Now i sit with you”, i reply: “i am tired
tired of fighting, tired of fighting you, fighting me
tired of rejecting you, rejecting me
tired of being afraid of you, afraid of me.”

and we smile to each other, we have grown, we are wiser and kinder  💖

* Thank you for being here with me, for respecting me, having compassion with me. Thank you for sitting here with me, in silence. Winter storms outside us, inside us. *

With love 🌹

Robert Monroe : quote

♥  november 20, 2017 : i am more than my physical body  ♥

Robert Monroe was a successful and distinguished business executive, dedicated family man, and noted pioneer in the investigation of human consciousness. He invented the Hemi-Sync® audio technology and founded The Monroe Institute®, a global organization dedicated to expanding the uses and understanding of consciousness >> more info The Monroe Institute

because i am more than physical matter , i can perceive that which is greater than the physical world . therefore , i deeply desire to expand , to experience ; to know , to understand ; to control , to use such greater energies and energy systems as may be beneficial and constructive to me and to those who follow me . also , i deeply desire the help and cooperation , the assistance , the understanding of those individuals whose wisdom , development and experience are equal or greater than my own . i ask their guidance and protection from any influence or any source that might provide me with less than my stated desires

rumi quote

♥  november 11 . 2017  ♥

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi