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a session with Lucifer

♥  march 18 . 2019 ♥

😈 session with Alyssa (Desert Hempwork) and her guide Lucifer

# march 27th, my birthday, i move into the Devil’s year. So, i feel this reading is very suitable for me

Note: I am/was reluctant to share this one. Coz, a few months ago i was dying to know more bout my DM. Now i realize my own path is more important and I am shifting my focus, I hope I am lol. But as Spirit told me: you own nothing, and I already gave insights in past life sessions, so here is a part of some weird story and some more info about Ana, a very high energy that visits me sometimes. #

I message Alyssa >

First answer >

# My first question gets confirmation so that’s cool! The answer to the second question surprises me pleasantly and yet I feel heavy. I know for some time now that our inner children are important, I got images of them and I started to work on my own inner child, again. But since I am detaching from the twin flame label and focus on me, ahum 😁 I don’t wanna violate his energy, his space, although I can’t really shut down the 5D connection. It is delicate lol. #

More from Lucifer >

# So on point! Getting my power back and take control of it, not being afraid of it, as I was for sooo long. It is returning. Also I know now what this Devil’s year is bringing me: my full power 😜 and pleasure, coz the inner children is also about fun and it is badly needed! #

# Some clarity: I don’t wanna ask / know about my DM but Ana is an energy I am very interested in. To me she is an entity I have an important connection with, twin flame stuff or not, our bond is unique. So yeah, while in this session Ana popped up and I was just curieus. #

# Obviously there is much more information, but I have not yet access to it 🤔 #

# Yeah, wings are here lol 🙏 #

Thanks Alyssa and Lucifer! So i just take off then 😎

Childish Things

Few days later, pondering bout inner child stuff. After some hesitating, I decide to go visit my inner child in her tree house, between the roots of a giant tree 😊 It’s a bit dark inside, gloomy. I tell her to put some trunks on the wood stove. She seems distracted lol, hardly reacts. I ask her if she wants to visit His inner child and reluctantly she goes ..

First impression (where is she drawn to): he is in a corner of his room, with his back turned to the little girl, there is no green, no nature,  he won’t response so she leaves.

Second scene (where does she finds his core): she finds his core in the middle of this corn field where the sun is shining gently and the softly shining gold color of the corn is every where. His core energy is in this shed he build for himself. It has a roof of corn leaves and three walls of corn stalks. But he isn’t home.

She returns to me and I feel a bit guilty I asked her to go and she got rejected, again.

Another visit a few days later. I find my inner child in my heart (she moved!) and we decide to go together and take another look at his inner child (I won’t let her do this alone this time). We take a long walk from my heart through veins and other stuff 😲 till we come to a square room where his inner child is seated, legs crossed, in the upper right corner. Back turned to us and he is doing something with his hands, we can’t see what. Then he turns to us, yes he does notice us, and he turns around to show us. He has a beautiful white shiny orb in his hands, playing with it. Throwing it in the air and catching it. He smiles at us and turns back to the corner to go on with his ‘work’. Okay we go, don’t wanna disturb him.

Okay, I have no intention to push or to violate another person’s energy field and I have my own stuff to attend to. So, I decide for now not to visit him again. I feel like an intruder and I don’t like that. My inner child and me take the path back to my heart.

A few days later I have a session with Kat in which she finds that I hold an essence of the archangel Lucifer.. which again is so fitting.

broken

soul retrieval with Kat

♥  august 20 . 2018 : total time 1h45m  ♥

This was a session i had with Kat (Katherine Martin Youngren). She is a gifted and loving person and she is great in retrieving soul fragments and a perfect guide for exploring past lives  ♥️ I did leave some parts out, not much but things i gotta explore a bit more. The setting : i am at home on my bed in Europe, Kat is at her home in America. We talk through messenger.

First she clears me / my chakra’s. Nothing really disturbing with my chakra’s, im quite clean, i ask Kat bout my solar plexus, nah, nothing to worry about. But, she says: this morning when i woke i had an ache in my stomach, maybe already connecting to your energy.

Then she clears my house. She is happily surprised, my house welcomes her, is friendly to her! That’s so nice! She tells me till now she never experienced this, being welcomed by a house so friendly. I feel so much gratitude and joy when she tells me and i tell her bout my contact with house, the walls, the floor, atoms. Later this evening i thank house for being so nice to Kat. House smiles 🏡

Paris : the killing

We won’t go through the lives i already know but see where we go. I tell her bout the killing (of my twin), i think it was Paris late 18th century, here’s the link >>  and when i am done she asks if i know who was the woman i killed. No i don’t so we gonna find out. We ask spirit to show me, and this is weird, i get an image of his mother (my twin’s). Kat then asks me to explore a life with this woman we call for now his mother. So i ask spirit to show me.

Stabbed in the back : the dark room

I am inside and it’s very dark, Kat asks me if i can find the light switch, lol, i cant see a f*ck. I take a few careful steps with my hands outstretched till i feel a wall, it’s rocky like some kind of cave or cellar. Am i locked in here? i ask myself. Slowly my eyes adjust and about 10 feet in front of me there’s the outline of a door, at the other side of the door is light and it’s shining through.

Kat asks if i am alone in the room. Well, i can’t see or hear anyone so i guess I am. But nope, i feel a presence. Now fear hits and i am shaking. And i feel someone behind me and it freaks me out, it is danger. I sense a woman in black clothes, an older woman, smaller than me and she is very hurt and angry. I know what is going to happen and Kat feels it too, i hear her moaning, like me. And there it is, the knife in the back. Suddenly the woman takes two steps and stabs me in my lower back, a few times. There is so much hate and pain. I fade away and die here.

Why did she kill you, Kat asks. I am sobbing a bit and feel the impact of what we did, of what happened. I took something of this woman, a man, her husband. By now, i almost forgot that this woman is his mother, this is where we started lol. And i am sorry i took her husband.

Kat asks me if this life was before or after the Paris-life. Mmmm, i don’t get the answer at once, i go to the killer (me) in Paris and feel his inner life, was he aware? Yes, hidden deep inside there is an unconscious knowing of this life. Okay. So it was before the Paris-life. That makes sense, Kat says.

Ana : the sun 🌞

Okay, we explore another life with this woman and at this point i decide to call her Ana.
I am outside, it’s a bright, sunny day. Green meadows, blue sky, flowers. Where is Ana, Kat asks me. Lol, i feel she is up there. But what is up there? Now i get the picture of the Fool card of the Tarot with a bright sun in the right corner and the sun smiles at me. Nah nah, the sun? Ana? A spirit? I am puzzled. Weird stuff this retrieving pieces 🙂
Okay, so Ana is the sun or maybe a spirit, she was very friendly in this life. Was she a guide maybe, Kat asks. Yeah, definitely feels so. I know her very well and she knows me.

A war : the plane ✈️

Kat asks me to go to a life with Ana and X (my twin, well okay, my supposed twin).
I am sitting in a chair, with some helmet on my head, i am sitting alone on the most right chair of a row of several chairs. And there are more rows before me, ah, it is a plane! We are waiting for take off. Ana is in some sort of pantry, she is dressed in white, some nurse’s outfit it seems. X is in combat outfit, just like me, somewhere in the ship. (plane / ship?). What is our connection? Ana and X are just acquaintances, Ana and me are kinda friends, i tell her much bout me and i like her, X and me are good friends, we know each other a lifetime, boy next door, is what i get. Nothing romantic. In this life i died when an explosion destroyed our house. I died in an instant, i have no memory of the dying. It was some war and we were in duty, all 3 of us. We also lived next door i think. Me with Ana? X next door. I could see a part of a street with a few houses. Time is hard to tell. Early 20th century?

A girl and boy on the run : the tube 👫

A life with me and X. It is dark and i am kinda moving forward, I can’t see where i am, there is a faint green light in the distance. X is behind me and is also moving. Ah, we are in some kind of tube, we are able to stand in the tube so it is quite big. And we are walking in this long, long tube, towards the green light.

Why are we here? Are we escaping something? Sure feels that way. I try to hear noises to locate ourselves and maybe others. Ah, we have escaped! From that big, dark house that we don’t like. I am about 12-14 years old and X is bout 5-6 years old. I have initiated our escape and X relies on me, we have to get out of here. Those people are awful! We both are very well dressed, i wear some kind of cloak, brown with a darker thread in it and my brown, curly hair is tied in a pony tail. X wears a black suit with a white tie and a white shirt, so tres chique for the little boy. We come from this really wealthy family (as orphans or something …?) but they are all liars and bad people.

We are at the end of the tube and there is a policeman with this light, he looks nice. I look hopefully to this man and he smiles … and he takes us right back to the house. X and me are being taken apart (X in the basement?). And then i got these punches in my stomach! Again and again and again till i lose consciousness and eventually i die. There is a big, bright light when i die and i feel so happy, i know i will be okay now. X will be okay now, i feel this the moment i die, we will be taken care off. The man who killed me was some farmhand. A brutal, ignorant man who likes to punch 12 year olds to death. X died soon after me, he killed himself, he jumped into a well or something, out of something .. It seems England to me, very English. There were horses and carriages, maybe early 19th century?

The Fall : the pyramid 🚀

At this point Kat asks if it is okay if we look into a life she and i had together. I am already dizzy of all these lives and connections lol, yep sure. I am standing in the middle of a pyramid shaped building. And it is so hard to focus, i can hardly hear Kat talk. I shake and spin coz of the energies in this building … wow! They go through me like mmm like energy snakes. Hard to describe and the whole pyramid is filled with it! Completely filled with some kind of energy strings that move likes snakes.

The corners of this building are rounded, not sharp and the top of the pyramid is also rounded. It is more like the top of a rocket. Are there more people with you, Kat asks. Ah yes, right in front of me, standing in a corner is Kat, she is my friend. Now i am looking left, there is this young man in a grey, striped suit, dark hair and he smiles, he is perfectly dressed. On the right of me, also in a corner stands an angel, white and bright, smiling yes. We are all smiling now coz something big is going to happen, i am going to fall or jump. I now realize i’m standing in the middle on a square spot and that spot is going to open and i am going to fall! It is my time. We say goodbye and i go! But first i pay Alcyone a visit, can’t leave without saying goodbye to my old friend :-). Am i going to Lemuria? The first time Gaia? This must be a long long time ago … in the future.

The twin sisters : the pond 💧

Another life with Kat. I haven’t even asked spirit to show me .. and Kat is already moaning, she is in pain! And my body feels so weird! It feels like something wants to get out and Kat is kinda crying: are you pregnant with me? she asks me. I don’t know, i wanna get out of this body! I feel like my skin is getting teared off my body. What the hell is happening? Are we .. are we siamese twins? i ask Kat. Feels like we are very very close and we can’t separate.

Kat moans, feels a cut around her waist and a cut in her left arm. I can’t place it.

Who are we, what are we? We are two blond girls, bout 4 years of age, cute twin girls. We stand at the edge of a pond, there is green grass and flowers, and i feel me standing in the water now. Ouch! You punched me on my nose! i yell to Kat. Lol, that was a surprise, really didn’t see that coming, i can feel the punch on my nose as i sit here on my bed! And i push her, a push in her belly. And she stumbles and falls into the water and … here i feel we are drowning, green, blurry water. While this was happening i had a lot of throat clearing.. asking myself why… but yes, we were drowning.

(I think we were twins and it was very crowded in our mother’s belly and we wanted to get out. Another thing: did the mother get a cesarean section? Could explain the cut Kat felt).

A frustrated drunk : the saloon 

Kat asks if there is something i want to clear, the root of something. I mention addictions. Okay. Ask spirit to show you the root of addiction (what is the vow connected).

I am outside, its drizzling and its grey and dreary, a muddy soil. I have a bottle in my left hand and with my right hand i hold on to the wooden pillar of the porch, so i wont fall. I can hardly walk. I just left the bar, more like a saloon, all wooden and the ladies .. well you know 🙂 I bought them booze and they were nice to me. But they wont get me no i will never believe a woman again! they are all evil and all liars and i feel really drunk lol and i have to concentrate to talk with Kat, weird. I feel alone and rejected and they are all the same and i wont marry and i am my own boss! Okay, Kat and me are both a bit puzzled bout this life, it doesn’t really explain something about addictions. Maybe i find out later. 🤔

So far  😯

what do u need ?

♥  august 5 . 2018 : to feel  ♥

u r good enough
u r love & nothing else matters
u r perfect & divine & u

don’t need me
to tell u

who u r
what u feel
what u need

u don’t need me

for confirmation
for security
for love

but u might want me
to be ur equal

Yo 🔥

i am

♥  july 14 . 2018 : i am  ♥

i quit waiting, can’t do it anymore
struggle with waiting for years now
i’m done with it
it only delays my own path
i have to focus on my own path

i am
evaluating & re-evaluating
defining & re-defining
creating & re-creating
me
i love me
i love you
i love

so, i am consolidating my energy
can’t afford now to spread it everywhere lol
i will set my boundaries, ah f*ck, i have none!
still, i have to define what is me, what is you, what is the collective

so i am withdrawing my energy
to feel what is me, what is you
your pain is my pain, your joy is my joy
my pain is your pain, my joy is your joy
yet, i am a human with strictly set boundaries
integrating
namaste, with love
Ans 🌹

decapitation

♥  june . 2018 : i killed my beloved  ♥

Its dark, evening, night. I walk through the streets of Paris, downtown somewhere.
Narrow, moist streets, it rained earlier. Im in a sort of rush, im uneasy.
I hide in my black cape and black hat. Head between my shoulders. Rush to my favorite bar.

I am in an alley now, its all rotten, dirt, anger, danger, darkness, whores and scum.
My eyes are everywhere: left, right, left, right, left, right… and ahead.
Yes, there she is. That piece of betrayal, delusion, luring me into.. what?

She’s standing in a portal, in front of a house, a door.
People passing by, also in a rush, no one looks at any one! All scum with secrets!
Hiding in their capes and hats, so called gentlemen puh!

Yeah, that woman! That whore who thinks she is the world!
Standing there, so full of herself.
Im 2 steps away now, i grab my knife.
No one is watching! All busy with their own mischief.
I take 2 steps, into the portal, and stab her in her belly, one time.

No one reacts or notices it.
Anyway, its just a woman, some stupid whore.
I feel relieved, my rush is gone and i feel great!
I walk some streets till i reach my bar.

Yeah, theres my table, at the end of the bar.
And some mates, how nice!
I wanna drink beer now, i feel so good.
Coz im a man, and im in charge!

I sit at my table with some guys and i get drunk.
And im bragging about how i killed that whore.
Ain’t i great guys!

Well, they aren’t really friends i guess, coz they catch me.
And they get me to jail.
And they bring me to the guillotine.
And i feel the blade slicing my neck, but its not sharp enough.

My head is still attached to my body, with still a piece of flesh connected to the body.
Fuck, even this i screw up!
I slowly fade into red, then black, then nothing…..

After decapitation, i came in a black black world and i sank in redness.

i don’t want your power

♥  maart 23 . 2018 : he says with a smile, take it back  ♥

In meditation, with His higher self on my left side, in his favorite outfit, as a Roman nobleman. Lol, yes we had a life there together but i can’t tell (yet) why He chooses this time frame. Nero, Agrippa, Agrippina?? Chaotic, lawless times.

“Some one has a message for you”, his HS tells me, “and he is here now”.

I feel a presence but can’t see it, it is obscured by darkness, in the corner of my room. Now light is starting to glow softly and i recognize this figure. Nah, nah, cant be .. nah

# i gotta tell first: this was bout 5 months ago when i still was doubting who my DM is, yeah i should know by now, still didn’t want to know and was confused #

But yes, here He is, confirmation after confirmation, this warrior now stepping into the light has a message for me.

“I don’t want your power,” he says, “take it back”. And he smiles and i melt and he leaves.

This power issue is keeping me busy for months! Getting me to review all of my earlier committed relations, my codependencies, my attachments. And yes, giving my power away again and again and again and again.

No more! I decided yesterday.  😇

i am me
i am free
Yo

to hell and back

♥  march 22 . 2018  ♥

i feel something big is coming
i know why i refuse to meditate

this is a crucial stage of my healing proces, the deeper, the darker i guess
love it, come and fight me!! i am a warrior 😳

* I love you to hell and back, we said while we had to let go of each others hands, I was you and you were me, male/female, does it really matter anyway? entangled past lives, can’t tell yet which is which … we loved, we murdered, we grieved, we hated, we died .. we were passionate * 😩

yes, something big is coming and I was scared, now I am curieus, I refuse to meditate but I am closer to spirit, source, HS, his HS, angels than ever before, and it freaks me out sometimes

* nono, they tell me, it is not us, not us not us, not him not him him him it is you is you you : my date 2018032219:04 : your spirit, our flashing fiery fast spirit, the spirit they judged as childish, naive, not responsible, not wanting to see the truth …

it killed you killed your spirit
guess what? we are back!

i am me
i am free

LSjjm6:3210

a visitor

♥  march 16 . 2018  ♥ 

in my kitchen . crying . despair . loss . pain
there is a presence . nah not Bert
i cry and i am so tired . someone is here ?
i wanna ask who is here now
but i am too afraid to ask

i just cry . looking at my Higher Self for support
without words i ask HS : who’s here ?
you find out . he replies
i am so scared . trying to speak and ask
who are you ? but i can’t

who … who … w … w …
im just too scared . this new presence
too much for me to cope with

finally . after minutes . i manage to ask
who are you ?
lol . it just disappeared !
i was too late 🙁

ok . i know why i was so afraid
i know who it was

the only one

♥  march 3 . 2018 : Angus & Julia Stone – Draw your swords  ♥

See her come down through the clouds
I feel like a fool
I ain’t got nothing left to give
Not a cent to lose

So come on Love draw your swords
Shoot me to the ground
You are mine I am yours
Lets not fuck around
Cause you are, the only one
Cause you are, the only one

I see them snakes come through the ground
They choke me to the bone
They tie me to their wooden chair
Here are all my songs

So come on Love draw your swords
Shoot me to the ground
You are mine I am yours
Lets not fuck around
Cause you are, the only one
Cause you are, the only one

Songwriters: Angus Stone / Julia Stone

in my angels i trust

♥  november 3 . 2017 : but get the f*ck out of my belly  ♥

A trip to Zero Point 

Sitting on my couch, hearing a song .. and crashing: pain, belly shaking, harder, whole body shaking. Oh no, here we go again! I need a wall and have to lie down, in my staircase, for Christ sake 🤬

Shaking harder, my head, uncontrollable, my belly feels like exploding. Theres something in there. And i cry: “Get out of my belly!” I am scared now and i want it out!

* i realize i have angels and i ask: Metatron, Michael, Ariel, Uriel, Raphael, Zadkiel, Sandalphon, help me please, what is this?! They come and calm me. I form a pillar of light in my body, from Gaia (help me Gaia, please) to my crown chakra, out to the Universe. And activate the Rainbow Bridge. * 🌈

Get out of my belly! Till, a huge sun rises from out of my belly. Wtf, is this good or bad? It’s a bright, friendly sun, no problems. But something has to get out of there, i WANT it out. I let my sun grow, expand, and i examine it. Angels around me, forming a circle, i am safe, lol, just checking, sorry 👍

There is something hidden in there. Now i sense: don’t be scared, don’t be angry, ask it to come out. So i do: will you please come out? I won’t harm you. I ask twice. It comes out, some undefinable, softly greenish glowing form, out of my solar plexus and going up, kinda sneaky lol, as if it doesn’t want to be seen. NO WAY, I think and i am scared again, it wants to go to my heart! The angels tell me: let go, embrace it, hold it. ♥️

Mmmm, trust lol? I guess YES. I sense: hold it as you would hold a baby, it wants to be held. And i calm down and i take this baby and hold it as if it was my own.

Some minutes later, i have calmed down (what the fuck was this? Whats happening? Can YOU all please tell me why? etc etc). Okay: first thing they give me is my twin, he was this entity, a very young child. Then, my belly is my power center, my sun is huge, he was hiding in my sun. Why? I GAVE him control over my solar plexus and it IS attractive. But what he WANTS (needs ?) is to reside in my heart. And So Be It 🙏

Lol, i guess i don’t have to meditate anymore, it comes natural. And, when they want! Free will? I really doubt that! Mine is going down the drain 😮

In WE we trust 😍😘

abyss of frozen hope

♥  june 23 . 2017 : my last life  ♥

Do You remember? Standing at the Abyss of Frozen Hope? Me telling You this is my last life on earth.
I don’t know why i tell You or how i know, i just know.
We talk about afterlife and reincarnation and it hits me: This Is My Last Life On Earth!
And coz i can tell You all, well, almost all 😊 i tell You this the moment i feel it.

“Maybe you come back as a leader”, You say. And i think of world leaders, political leaders, religious leaders.
I don’t know what You think. “Nah”, i reply. 🤔

But yes lol, You were right! I have come back as a leader, in what seems to be a ‘next’ life
I didn’t really have to die in the PHYSICAL, not this time. I mean, i wasn’t buried or burned 🔥
But yeah, this is kinda dying I guess.

And i have come back as a leader, my own leader! Anyway, to start with 😜
Love