The path

21 Apr
(non) letters to a DM, childish things, my way home, twin flames

a session with Lucifer

♥  march 18 . 2019 ♥

😈 session with Alyssa (Desert Hempwork) and her guide Lucifer

# march 27th, my birthday, i move into the Devil’s year. So, i feel this reading is very suitable for me

Note: I am/was reluctant to share this one. Coz, a few months ago i was dying to know more bout my DM. Now i realize my own path is more important and I am shifting my focus, I hope I am lol. But as Spirit told me: you own nothing, and I already gave insights in past life sessions, so here is a part of some weird story and some more info about Ana, a very high energy that visits me sometimes. #

I message Alyssa >

First answer >

# My first question gets confirmation so that’s cool! The answer to the second question surprises me pleasantly and yet I feel heavy. I know for some time now that our inner children are important, I got images of them and I started to work on my own inner child, again. But since I am detaching from the twin flame label and focus on me, ahum 😁 I don’t wanna violate his energy, his space, although I can’t really shut down the 5D connection. It is delicate lol. #

More from Lucifer >

# So on point! Getting my power back and take control of it, not being afraid of it, as I was for sooo long. It is returning. Also I know now what this Devil’s year is bringing me: my full power 😜 and pleasure, coz the inner children is also about fun and it is badly needed! #

# Some clarity: I don’t wanna ask / know about my DM but Ana is an energy I am very interested in. To me she is an entity I have an important connection with, twin flame stuff or not, our bond is unique. So yeah, while in this session Ana popped up and I was just curieus. #

# Obviously there is much more information, but I have not yet access to it 🤔 #

# Yeah, wings are here lol 🙏 #

Thanks Alyssa and Lucifer! So i just take off then 😎

Childish Things

Few days later, pondering bout inner child stuff. After some hesitating, I decide to go visit my inner child in her tree house, between the roots of a giant tree 😊 It’s a bit dark inside, gloomy. I tell her to put some trunks on the wood stove. She seems distracted lol, hardly reacts. I ask her if she wants to visit His inner child and reluctantly she goes ..

First impression (where is she drawn to): he is in a corner of his room, with his back turned to the little girl, there is no green, no nature,  he won’t response so she leaves.

Second scene (where does she finds his core): she finds his core in the middle of this corn field where the sun is shining gently and the softly shining gold color of the corn is every where. His core energy is in this shed he build for himself. It has a roof of corn leaves and three walls of corn stalks. But he isn’t home.

She returns to me and I feel a bit guilty I asked her to go and she got rejected, again.

Another visit a few days later. I find my inner child in my heart (she moved!) and we decide to go together and take another look at his inner child (I won’t let her do this alone this time). We take a long walk from my heart through veins and other stuff 😲 till we come to a square room where his inner child is seated, legs crossed, in the upper right corner. Back turned to us and he is doing something with his hands, we can’t see what. Then he turns to us, yes he does notice us, and he turns around to show us. He has a beautiful white shiny orb in his hands, playing with it. Throwing it in the air and catching it. He smiles at us and turns back to the corner to go on with his ‘work’. Okay we go, don’t wanna disturb him.

Okay, I have no intention to push or to violate another person’s energy field and I have my own stuff to attend to. So, I decide for now not to visit him again. I feel like an intruder and I don’t like that. My inner child and me take the path back to my heart.

A few days later I have a session with Kat in which she finds that I hold an essence of the archangel Lucifer.. which again is so fitting.

11 Apr
duality, follow me to the bottle, music, my way home, the cycle of the soul, Zero Point & time

nothing really matters

♥  april 11 . 2019  : Madonna : nothing really matters  ♥

# please watch the vid, it is beautiful #

trying to define .. darkness, light, duality
and for some time now
sometimes …

i know
nothing really matters
nothing will ever really matter
coz
all will always matter
whatever!

what if
all is the same
all is
just
all
there is

what if
all is true
and every one
is right

what if
all is wrong
and there is
no
God
just
US

what if

there is
no god
and
you are
the CREATOR

imagine

mother of atoms

27 Mar
my way home, quotes & poems

still wounded

♥  march 27 . 2019 ♥

what if all is the same

and it is not bout me

it never was bout me

punches in my stomach

again and again

dying

 

now, it are

angels, punching

on my shield

my hard heart shield 😁

 

shakti

rising but

stagnate coz

my heart

won’t

let her

 

still wounded

what if

❤️

25 Mar
duality, empathy, my way home, the cycle of the soul

soul retrieval : darkness

♥  march 25 . 2019 .   ♥

Soul retrieval with Katherine Martin Youngren. March 25th 2019, 10:00-11:00 am CET. This is a transcript of my second session with Kat. Here is the link to the first session.

We connect through Messenger, Kat is in America and I am in Europe, we say good morning and Kat is already coughing severely. She tells me: I got up half an hour ago, got me a coffee and i started to cough and feeling very tired… I tell her half an hour ago i sat with a coffee and had to cough severely and cry, i felt very tired yes. But it is not a cold or cough, she tells me. No, i tell her, it is my throat chakra.

Ok, what lives do i want to look at? Kat asks me. I tell her that i feel that no one thing is more important than another, this is the state i am in … do i wanna know bout my DM? Bout Ana? Bout my mission? Is one thing more important than another? I am in limbo …

🦋
Kat tells me the story of the caterpillar that is transforming into a butterfly. And it is the cocoon that is pivotal, what is happening in there. It is an inside job, the caterpillar kinda dies inside the cocoon, it has to die so the transformation can be complete. I tell Kat i already felt like dying before, i die again and again. This is another death. We never stop to heal, she says.

So, Kat first cleans me, my chakra’s, aura. And there is much darkness that is attaching to me and inside of me. Kat tells me i have to shield myself when i go outside and when i come back home i have to clear the shield before entering. I take the pain and darkness from others, can be friends, relatives but also totally strangers, i take the darkness with me.

I can shield however way feels good to me, white light, violet flame. I just have to set the intention. Awareness of this is key i suppose …

Then she cleans my house and again she experiences something she never has before: house is trying to heal me, it has taken my pain and darkness, it is in the walls and the floor. And now house is also stuck with this darkness and isn’t even able to say hello to Kat, like it did in the earlier session. For your information: in the former session my house greeted Kat so friendly! Is was so cool it did that, Kat never had a house greeting her so friendly.
So, Kat and me clear house together, we ask house to release the darkness, let it go. After all the clearing i do feel better 🙂

Kat tells me: you know that all of our lives are happening at the same time (there is no time, it is a 3D concept), so this ‘state’ of darkness is playing out now, somewhere …

The Sacrifice 🌸
Kat suggests we are going to look at a life where the darkness attached to me: So i ask, with my hand on my heart: Spirit, can you please show me a life where the root of darkness attached to me? And it gets darker and heavier. I sink, slowly i sink and it is getting darker. I keep sinking, slowly. Where am i? I am pulled down by something, what is it? Something is tied to my feet, dragging me down. It is a rope. And something heavy is on the other end of the rope. And i sense sand and shells, water, little fish. Yes i am in water.

So, who tied the rope to my feet, who wanted me dead? Where was I when this happened? I was on a boat, on a river, there was a party. And i wanted to help the people there, give them light. So i sacrificed myself, thought that would help them so i killed myself.
Now, while sinking and sinking deeper into this dark, i feel the earth around me, i feel the flowers, the trees, the clouds, the grass, the water, and they feel me. They get my light and i see their light. Kat asks me: does it benefit the people on the boat? Mmmm, no it doesn’t …. they aren’t aware of it at all … my suicide was in-vain.

# afterwards
this experience must have had a great impact, i know it has .. the strange thing was, it didn’t feel like drowning, how i expected it to be. The light i was giving to what surrounded me and the light that was given to me by the life around me .. was so serene. There was no struggle to survive, no pain, only compassion. The humans that were partying weren’t aware but all other life was
#

The Fairy 🌳
Kat asks me: What do you wanna explore now? Another life with darkness attached or a first life where you connected to nature? I choose the latter and i ask spirit to show me. Now i am in a huge ancient forest, huge trees, green leaves, lushly. I am flying through the forest, visit trees, they are friendly. Lol, i am a fairy 🙂 Kat asks me: where is Kat? Can you ask where Kat is? So i ask spirit: Spirit, can you tell me where Kat is? Hard to tell, i get the image of a huge tree. She is the tree or inside the tree? Kat tells me this is ancient Greek and she is a nymph. Now, here sitting on my bed and yet flying around in this magnificent forest, i can feel my crown chakra light up and sparkle. I tell Kat, she feels her crown too.

# afterwards
I had to Google nymph. Suits you dear Kat
There are several kinds of nymphs.
Dryad, also called hamadryad, in Greek mythology, a nymph or nature spirit who lives in trees and takes the form of a beautiful young woman. Dryads were originally the spirits of oak trees (drys: “oak”), but the name was later applied to all tree nymphs.
Later Kat tells me she was the nymph Daphne (see Apollo and Cupid) and she was able to go in and out of trees and water.
#

Baby Darkness 👻
We are going to look to the first life where i was a guardian of darkness.
It is dark, hard to grasp what is happening, it all is .. feels .. rudimental, i hardly move, just am, big dark .. something. bit moving bit no-moving. im formless. Ah, Kat says something, far far away. Far outside of me. i am totally in myself. She asks me: are you a mother? Ah, a mother! Kinda, there are little things moving inside me, little black square boxes, bout 5 i sense. They move in my chest and they quarrel! And they move and they are loud and they are quarreling, annoying! The one with the loudest mouth is pressing against my chest bone. Auch! It hurts. Inside and outside is all quite dark, like just before dawn.

Kat asks me to send the pieces of darkness out, into the world. I don’t have to carry them inside of me, i can release them so they can do their work in the outside world, stir up some that need it (lol), they can come back and will come back. It is ok, i can send them out again, with love and care. That is not rejection. While i am letting the boxes out they change colors, the black changes into soft colors.

😭
During this ‘past life experience’ i cry quite some. Coz this is what is playing out in my life now, knowing that i can’t reject darkness, i feel too much sorry for it ..

#
sounds crazy maybe yes i know. It is what it is, there is too much rejection already, too much not seeing, but i see, i feel, and i can’t reject. Nothing. There is neither good nor bad, neither darkness nor light, neither me nor you… All is one and nothing can be rejected, not on the long run.
#

So yes, darkness comes to me, it attaches to me. Some of it is mine, most is not, lol. And i don’t have to keep it, it won’t benefit me to keep it. I can love it, maybe transform some of it, then let it go.
Kat tells me a part of my mission is to protect nature, another part is giving darkness a voice, a place. Also, i am a keeper of an archangel essence, Lucifer’s. Why doesn’t that surprise me 😈

Side-note: the second angel who presented itself to me in 2016, was Ariel, the angel of nature. The first was Ismael, who helps to open the heart. With thanks to all ‘my’ angels.

Ans
To Kat, whom i highly recommend if you consider to explore
With a big hug and much much love sista!
XD

26 Feb
duality, my way home

hurt !

♥  february 26 . 2019  ♥

Okay, some clearing 😊 after a period of silence.
Im listening to this tarot reader who says im deeply hurt 😳
And yes, i think i finally gotta admit: i am deeply hurt!

After some years now of spiritual growth, acceptance (mmm?), cleansing … i gotta admit all this ‘light-work’ is sooo fucking dark!

Where is that light? That bright, illuminescent, all compassing Source light?! Yeah of course duh, its inside me lol. I passed that stage 😎 Found it!

Light attracks shadow, so, here it is! Right, hurt, yes again, thought i was ‘over’ that, loved all no matter what. The point is, i do, love all, always did. That started the hurt to begin with. I cant hate, cant blame others, never. I know im the creator and it doesn’t really matter 😁

The hurt is back, tenfold. The brighter, the darker, isnt it?
Some days ago i discovered (lol, welcome Geurts!) i am a shadow worker, at the moment i am, guess i always was. Now i know there really is place for the shadows to come. Always there in the shadows, now its time.

27032019 the Devil enters
how appropiate 👿

13 Feb
duality, my way home, quotes & poems, the cycle of the soul

wrapping up

♥  february 13 . 2019  ♥
1 thing is true 4 sure 😁 nothing is real but source
# a Hermit’s journey # pages of my journal #

wrapping up
Temperance / 2018 / past lifes
wrapping up
past pains / past fears
wrapping up
Gaia / Lyra / Lemuria / Vega
wrapping up
all i was / am / be
Yo / Anna / Ans

wrapping up
1 : humans / aliens ( this plane & that plane )
# love them / hate them # not true ( i could never hate, as an infant i didn’t understand hate, i just didn’t hate, it confused the hell out of me! it made me different, it made me doubt myself, i was clearly wrong! i didn’t fit ) thx Pl. 🙂

wrapping up
2 : GAIA : yes all capitals / wrapping up Gaia is very hard to do. i came to love her, in all these ages, all our lifes 2-gether.
she got me entangled in her web 😎 the drama! the feelings! the hurt! ah, THE PAIN! yes! capitals! i love it you know / got addicted to it / this level / this /

wrapping up
3 : Darkness : i know now that Darkness never leaves me ( and ) / i don’t want it to
coz / just coz / its me

wrapping up
4 : past / which is not
Alcy – Ana – Vega – Y
the corner stone
divine / can we connect

wrapping
5 : up
/ coz i am
/ nothing
/ else

up
6 : wrapping
down
duality
what is [ not existing ] was
really?

7 : seven
😎
welcome to my world
yo

03 Feb
duality, my way home, the cycle of the soul

on the devil’s threshold

♥  february 3 . 2019  ♥

# On the Devil’s treshold. #
In Hermit mode – again
nov19xx/jan20xx

You own nothing
Spirit told me
I am not my thoughts
I am not my emotions
I am not my fears
I am not my words
I am not my self
………
I am integrating all i was, am, will be
This lifetime
Beyond
Beyond beyond

I searched for me
Searched in past lifes
Searched in future lifes
Explored galactic lifes

(This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love)

Now, dancing in my kitchen
In this limbo
I dance
I smile
I cry
Coz spirit hits me
(Duality?)

I am retrieving
Calling back all i am
In this lifetime
No past
No future

*Lol & fack
Of course!
No future
No past
Only the now!*

I call back all that i am
All my babies
All the crying babies
All the infants
All the fearfull infants
I call back
All my wounded adolescents
All my hurts
All my fears
I call back all
The broken pieces
Of my heart

I know now why
it has to be the Devil
Entering

While retrieving me
The darkest parts return first
The light hasn’t arrived yet
Its the dawn of time
The dawn of pain
Ive been there
I choose this

But the deepest pit
Has yet to come
2019 March 27th
Let It Enter
Im ready!

See!
HS smiles
Spirit smiles
The Universe smiles
I smile
………yet, i am all………
Yo

04 Jan
my way home, the cycle of the soul

letting go

♥  january 4 . 2019  ♥

# Pages of my journal – the Hermit’s journey #

As i sit here on my couch, my higher self on my right as usual, i reflect, 2018 is gone.
And i am good at beating myself up: you havent done enough, you havent worked hard enough, you are not worthy.

Higher Self smiles. “Thank god, at least YOU are here!” i tell HS. “WE ALL are”, he says 🙂
Reflecting: yeah, guess i screwed up some things lol, but mostly i grew, i realize i grow and keep growing, against all odds, against all fears.

2018 : Temperance, The always loving Raphael, Wings (fack, i have huge ones, still dont know how to use them lol), lots of pain and an ocean of tears, can i shed more? Yes, they tell me with a smile lol, mfs 🙂

Letting go : 2 turns to 3 The Divine Step In
Ana is visiting me lately, more frequently. She still doesn’t really tell me who she is …
oke, as far as i know : our history goes back to Vega and the Lyran star system, i was Vega …
or, we were Vega, something like that, there was some unity together with Alcyone, the Pleiadian central sun.

Nowadays, Ana is my spirit guide, but her energy is sooo high its hard for me to reach her.
Let go, understand her. But i FEEL her, and she is mostly all white with a blue gaze, like ice.
My first name for her was The Ice Queen. The second was His Mother (lol), the third was Ana.

Ah, letting go yes!
Struggling the whole year with attachments, first and foremost to the twin flame journey. We gotta get rid of the label! It served its purpose. It drives people mad, yet, asking ourselves is the start, isn’t it?

Yes, what is the worst attachment? What is the worst fear?
Rejection popped up a few weeks ago, thought id handled that lol. Guess not.

Ah, i wanna end this now! Uh, i mean the journalling 🙂
Wrapping up not only 2018 but a bunch of lifetimes yo!

With a bunch of love and madness 😎❤️😁
Ans

29 Aug
childish things, empathy, my way home, quotes & poems

little little toddler

♥  august 29 . 2018 : little little toddler  ♥

I am crying while telling my inner child that it’s okay, that she wasn’t rude. And she knows she wasn’t rude and now she understands why this toddler song made her sooo mad and sooo sad 🙁

She is bout 3-4 years of age, playing in the small garden of her grandparents. And they sing this toddler song and she gets so angry and then so sad and the little girl yells: no! no, I don’t tremble on the flowers, I don’t do that! And this song was sung for years and every time she got upset and she didn’t understand why these grown-ups could say these terrible things about her.

Well, here it is 🙂

klein klein kleutertje
wat doe je in mijn hof
je plukt er alle bloempjes af
je maakt het veel te grof

o mijn lieve mamaatje
zeg het niet tegen papaatje
ik zal zoet naar school toe gaan
en de bloemetjes laten staan

little little toddler
what are you doing in my yard
you are picking all my flowers
and make it quite a mess

o my dear mummy
please don’t tell daddy
i will go to school now
and leave the little flowers

22 Aug
childish things, my way home, twin flames

Ana : the ice queen

♥  august 22 . 2018  ♥
convo with Ana aka The Ice Queen

# wtf is Ana? #
fyi : Ana is a new energy in my life, so i am exploring

I ask Ana if she is Alcyone but i already feel she is not
i see them merging to one but they aren’t one.
She smiles: so you know, we are not one but we are very close. Like some monad? I ask her. No no, she laughs, that is 3D perception, forget the labels 🙂 it is beyond dimensions.

And me? How do i relate to you both? You belong to us, Ana says and laughs again, shes beautiful. Who who who .. am i.. i manage to calm my emotions and mind, don’t dare to feel that that. Yes, you are Vega, Ana tells me and Alcyone smiles, hey there, i’m back.

And i died, Vega died, i felt Her dying, me dying i guess. Thats why this Vega war haunts me lol. I died there, i loved her, i died there, again and again, this endless circle of dying, living, and living is dying and dying is living and and why has there be so much pain and so much war and why are people not nice mom and why and why ….

… dont you shut up and stop your questions little girl, you are driving me crazy, she says… and i look at the ground, my shoes they shine, my black shiny shoes, i love them, they love me

Mmm, she still exists in our star charts, the info about her dead has yet to reach us.
Funny thing, i know 😉

Alcyone – Ana – Vega
what trinity wtf?
guess Ana is a star too
merging? Alcyone smiles the moment i feel it
lol, they are twin flames

Love ♥️

broken
20 Aug
(non) letters to a DM, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames

soul retrieval with Kat

♥  august 20 . 2018 : total time 1h45m  ♥

This was a session i had with Kat (Katherine Martin Youngren). She is a gifted and loving person and she is great in retrieving soul fragments and a perfect guide for exploring past lives  ♥️ I did leave some parts out, not much but things i gotta explore a bit more. The setting : i am at home on my bed in Europe, Kat is at her home in America. We talk through messenger.

First she clears me / my chakra’s. Nothing really disturbing with my chakra’s, im quite clean, i ask Kat bout my solar plexus, nah, nothing to worry about. But, she says: this morning when i woke i had an ache in my stomach, maybe already connecting to your energy.

Then she clears my house. She is happily surprised, my house welcomes her, is friendly to her! That’s so nice! She tells me till now she never experienced this, being welcomed by a house so friendly. I feel so much gratitude and joy when she tells me and i tell her bout my contact with house, the walls, the floor, atoms. Later this evening i thank house for being so nice to Kat. House smiles 🏡

Paris : the killing

We won’t go through the lives i already know but see where we go. I tell her bout the killing (of my twin), i think it was Paris late 18th century, here’s the link >>  and when i am done she asks if i know who was the woman i killed. No i don’t so we gonna find out. We ask spirit to show me, and this is weird, i get an image of his mother (my twin’s). Kat then asks me to explore a life with this woman we call for now his mother. So i ask spirit to show me.

Stabbed in the back : the dark room

I am inside and it’s very dark, Kat asks me if i can find the light switch, lol, i cant see a f*ck. I take a few careful steps with my hands outstretched till i feel a wall, it’s rocky like some kind of cave or cellar. Am i locked in here? i ask myself. Slowly my eyes adjust and about 10 feet in front of me there’s the outline of a door, at the other side of the door is light and it’s shining through.

Kat asks if i am alone in the room. Well, i can’t see or hear anyone so i guess I am. But nope, i feel a presence. Now fear hits and i am shaking. And i feel someone behind me and it freaks me out, it is danger. I sense a woman in black clothes, an older woman, smaller than me and she is very hurt and angry. I know what is going to happen and Kat feels it too, i hear her moaning, like me. And there it is, the knife in the back. Suddenly the woman takes two steps and stabs me in my lower back, a few times. There is so much hate and pain. I fade away and die here.

Why did she kill you, Kat asks. I am sobbing a bit and feel the impact of what we did, of what happened. I took something of this woman, a man, her husband. By now, i almost forgot that this woman is his mother, this is where we started lol. And i am sorry i took her husband.

Kat asks me if this life was before or after the Paris-life. Mmmm, i don’t get the answer at once, i go to the killer (me) in Paris and feel his inner life, was he aware? Yes, hidden deep inside there is an unconscious knowing of this life. Okay. So it was before the Paris-life. That makes sense, Kat says.

Ana : the sun 🌞

Okay, we explore another life with this woman and at this point i decide to call her Ana.
I am outside, it’s a bright, sunny day. Green meadows, blue sky, flowers. Where is Ana, Kat asks me. Lol, i feel she is up there. But what is up there? Now i get the picture of the Fool card of the Tarot with a bright sun in the right corner and the sun smiles at me. Nah nah, the sun? Ana? A spirit? I am puzzled. Weird stuff this retrieving pieces 🙂
Okay, so Ana is the sun or maybe a spirit, she was very friendly in this life. Was she a guide maybe, Kat asks. Yeah, definitely feels so. I know her very well and she knows me.

A war : the plane ✈️

Kat asks me to go to a life with Ana and X (my twin, well okay, my supposed twin).
I am sitting in a chair, with some helmet on my head, i am sitting alone on the most right chair of a row of several chairs. And there are more rows before me, ah, it is a plane! We are waiting for take off. Ana is in some sort of pantry, she is dressed in white, some nurse’s outfit it seems. X is in combat outfit, just like me, somewhere in the ship. (plane / ship?). What is our connection? Ana and X are just acquaintances, Ana and me are kinda friends, i tell her much bout me and i like her, X and me are good friends, we know each other a lifetime, boy next door, is what i get. Nothing romantic. In this life i died when an explosion destroyed our house. I died in an instant, i have no memory of the dying. It was some war and we were in duty, all 3 of us. We also lived next door i think. Me with Ana? X next door. I could see a part of a street with a few houses. Time is hard to tell. Early 20th century?

A girl and boy on the run : the tube 👫

A life with me and X. It is dark and i am kinda moving forward, I can’t see where i am, there is a faint green light in the distance. X is behind me and is also moving. Ah, we are in some kind of tube, we are able to stand in the tube so it is quite big. And we are walking in this long, long tube, towards the green light.

Why are we here? Are we escaping something? Sure feels that way. I try to hear noises to locate ourselves and maybe others. Ah, we have escaped! From that big, dark house that we don’t like. I am about 12-14 years old and X is bout 5-6 years old. I have initiated our escape and X relies on me, we have to get out of here. Those people are awful! We both are very well dressed, i wear some kind of cloak, brown with a darker thread in it and my brown, curly hair is tied in a pony tail. X wears a black suit with a white tie and a white shirt, so tres chique for the little boy. We come from this really wealthy family (as orphans or something …?) but they are all liars and bad people.

We are at the end of the tube and there is a policeman with this light, he looks nice. I look hopefully to this man and he smiles … and he takes us right back to the house. X and me are being taken apart (X in the basement?). And then i got these punches in my stomach! Again and again and again till i lose consciousness and eventually i die. There is a big, bright light when i die and i feel so happy, i know i will be okay now. X will be okay now, i feel this the moment i die, we will be taken care off. The man who killed me was some farmhand. A brutal, ignorant man who likes to punch 12 year olds to death. X died soon after me, he killed himself, he jumped into a well or something, out of something .. It seems England to me, very English. There were horses and carriages, maybe early 19th century?

The Fall : the pyramid 🚀

At this point Kat asks if it is okay if we look into a life she and i had together. I am already dizzy of all these lives and connections lol, yep sure. I am standing in the middle of a pyramid shaped building. And it is so hard to focus, i can hardly hear Kat talk. I shake and spin coz of the energies in this building … wow! They go through me like mmm like energy snakes. Hard to describe and the whole pyramid is filled with it! Completely filled with some kind of energy strings that move likes snakes.

The corners of this building are rounded, not sharp and the top of the pyramid is also rounded. It is more like the top of a rocket. Are there more people with you, Kat asks. Ah yes, right in front of me, standing in a corner is Kat, she is my friend. Now i am looking left, there is this young man in a grey, striped suit, dark hair and he smiles, he is perfectly dressed. On the right of me, also in a corner stands an angel, white and bright, smiling yes. We are all smiling now coz something big is going to happen, i am going to fall or jump. I now realize i’m standing in the middle on a square spot and that spot is going to open and i am going to fall! It is my time. We say goodbye and i go! But first i pay Alcyone a visit, can’t leave without saying goodbye to my old friend :-). Am i going to Lemuria? The first time Gaia? This must be a long long time ago … in the future.

The twin sisters : the pond 💧

Another life with Kat. I haven’t even asked spirit to show me .. and Kat is already moaning, she is in pain! And my body feels so weird! It feels like something wants to get out and Kat is kinda crying: are you pregnant with me? she asks me. I don’t know, i wanna get out of this body! I feel like my skin is getting teared off my body. What the hell is happening? Are we .. are we siamese twins? i ask Kat. Feels like we are very very close and we can’t separate.

Kat moans, feels a cut around her waist and a cut in her left arm. I can’t place it.

Who are we, what are we? We are two blond girls, bout 4 years of age, cute twin girls. We stand at the edge of a pond, there is green grass and flowers, and i feel me standing in the water now. Ouch! You punched me on my nose! i yell to Kat. Lol, that was a surprise, really didn’t see that coming, i can feel the punch on my nose as i sit here on my bed! And i push her, a push in her belly. And she stumbles and falls into the water and … here i feel we are drowning, green, blurry water. While this was happening i had a lot of throat clearing.. asking myself why… but yes, we were drowning.

(I think we were twins and it was very crowded in our mother’s belly and we wanted to get out. Another thing: did the mother get a cesarean section? Could explain the cut Kat felt).

A frustrated drunk : the saloon 

Kat asks if there is something i want to clear, the root of something. I mention addictions. Okay. Ask spirit to show you the root of addiction (what is the vow connected).

I am outside, its drizzling and its grey and dreary, a muddy soil. I have a bottle in my left hand and with my right hand i hold on to the wooden pillar of the porch, so i wont fall. I can hardly walk. I just left the bar, more like a saloon, all wooden and the ladies .. well you know 🙂 I bought them booze and they were nice to me. But they wont get me no i will never believe a woman again! they are all evil and all liars and i feel really drunk lol and i have to concentrate to talk with Kat, weird. I feel alone and rejected and they are all the same and i wont marry and i am my own boss! Okay, Kat and me are both a bit puzzled bout this life, it doesn’t really explain something about addictions. Maybe i find out later. 🤔

So far  😯

01 Jun
(non) letters to a DM, follow me to the bottle, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames

decapitation

♥  june . 2018 : i killed my beloved  ♥

Its dark, evening, night. I walk through the streets of Paris, downtown somewhere.
Narrow, moist streets, it rained earlier. Im in a sort of rush, im uneasy.
I hide in my black cape and black hat. Head between my shoulders. Rush to my favorite bar.

I am in an alley now, its all rotten, dirt, anger, danger, darkness, whores and scum.
My eyes are everywhere: left, right, left, right, left, right… and ahead.
Yes, there she is. That piece of betrayal, delusion, luring me into.. what?

She’s standing in a portal, in front of a house, a door.
People passing by, also in a rush, no one looks at any one! All scum with secrets!
Hiding in their capes and hats, so called gentlemen puh!

Yeah, that woman! That whore who thinks she is the world!
Standing there, so full of herself.
Im 2 steps away now, i grab my knife.
No one is watching! All busy with their own mischief.
I take 2 steps, into the portal, and stab her in her belly, one time.

No one reacts or notices it.
Anyway, its just a woman, some stupid whore.
I feel relieved, my rush is gone and i feel great!
I walk some streets till i reach my bar.

Yeah, theres my table, at the end of the bar.
And some mates, how nice!
I wanna drink beer now, i feel so good.
Coz im a man, and im in charge!

I sit at my table with some guys and i get drunk.
And im bragging about how i killed that whore.
Ain’t i great guys!

Well, they aren’t really friends i guess, coz they catch me.
And they get me to jail.
And they bring me to the guillotine.
And i feel the blade slicing my neck, but its not sharp enough.

My head is still attached to my body, with still a piece of flesh connected to the body.
Fuck, even this i screw up!
I slowly fade into red, then black, then nothing…..

After decapitation, i came in a black black world and i sank in redness.

29 May
convo's with higher self, my way home

am i channeling myself ?

♥  may 29 . 2018  ♥

“HS, who is giving me my information?”, i ask my higher self, while showering and feeling his presence.
HS smiles and i know, much comes from him, my male HS!
“But but lol, you stand here next to me, not above me, and we are one more and more.
So basically, i am channeling myself?”, i ask him. 🤔

We look at each other … and burst out in a laugh!
“Yes, basically”, he replies.
With compassion,
from the silly neighbor who bursts out in a laugh while showering alone. 😳

28 Feb
convo's with higher self, my way home

wow i leveled !

♥  february 28 . 2018  : and a door opened  ♥

In bed, shaking, the energies rush up through my legs, they come from Izta : my grounding force, Gaia’s daughter, i love her, she is my sista ♥️ The energies rush up my spine, get stuck halfway my belly and my heart and i shake and shake. Open your crown, consciously, i sense. Of course i obey lol, resistance is futile you know.

I imagine my crown opening gently with white flower petals. The energies rush up, they feed my wings, my little pink glowing wings, from when i was a child, now growing big and white, still vulnerable.

“Hi HS,” i greet my Higher Self who is showing up now, “Uhhh why are you male?”, i ask Him. “Coz you are female”, he replies and smiles. Ah it is all about balance now, i get it. Going into this Temperance year. Maybe weird but i am really looking forward to it. 🌀

* A room, square, only a door and HS in a tuxedo and white tie lol! What, wait, i am in a ballroom gown and HS is standing behind me. We are facing a closed door. HS puts his hands on my back and gently guides me to this door. “You are a gentleman too”, i tell HS while turning my head and giving him a smile. “Of course i am”, he replies and directs me to the door.

I turn my face to the door and .. f*ck! I face the open door, it is a black hole, it is all black, it is the universe, lol, i don’t know WHAT it is and HS gives me a gentle push, and i stumble across the threshold. 😯

And while i fall and fall and fall, i hear HS shouting: “It’s a test!” *

Wtf! Are you ready ⁉️

24 Feb
my way home

living temperancely

♥  february 24 . 2018  ♥

“My year of living temperancely”, i say to Raphael, giving Him a smile. 🙃
March 27th is my birthday, going from a Death year into the Temperance year.
Poeh, can I have some rest please, Raphael?

Raphael pours his cups once again, and again … and again …
“You know kiddo, we were friends ever since, well ‘there’, you forgot but I know I kept your wings for you till you were ready to fly again. I strengthened your heart when you thought it would break. I ignited your flame when you thought there was not a single spark left.

Slowly you are remembering our bond, our vow. Yes, a vow There, see, the tears, you are crying now. Tears of gratitude I sense. Go now, it is time, little one.”
Temperance is dedicated to Raphael, the protector of my heart.

Yo, I am  ♥️

03 Jan
duality, empathy, my way home, quotes & poems

a convo with pain

♥  january 3 . 2018  ♥ 

finally i sit with Pain . connecting with it . getting to know it  😩
and i sit with it . and we are silent  🐞  we just sit and be
respecting each other . sometimes looking sideways
finding each others eyes

“Yes”, it says: “i am pain and i suffer, i bring suffering and
you were afraid of me, you rejected me and
i hid in the darkest corners of your being
peeking through the cracks of your perceptions
watching you, watching me.”

“Now i sit with you”, i reply: “i am tired
tired of fighting, tired of fighting you, fighting me
tired of rejecting you, rejecting me
tired of being afraid of you, afraid of me.”

and we smile to each other, we have grown, we are wiser and kinder  💖

* Thank you for being here with me, for respecting me, having compassion with me. Thank you for sitting here with me, in silence. Winter storms outside us, inside us. *

With love 🌹

29 Oct
duality, my way home, the cycle of the soul, Zero Point & time

the death of Vega

♥  oktober 29 . 2017 : dimensionality is a human concept  ♥

3D, 5D we are quite known with this concepts now. We think we have integrated them in our daily lives. By the way, shifting paradigms, shifting timelines? Do we really think we know what we are doing? Hold on!! 🌀

Do we? Join me on the next step: Zero Point. The Creators Dominion, The space without space, time without time, dimensions without dimensions. Can you still follow me?

I went back, way back: Paris 19th century, Lemuria bout 12k B.C., the rise of the Pleiadians, go back go back they say, the Lyran war, the death of Vega, i WAS Vega 🤔

Then i realized, i didn’t have to be Vega to feel her pain, her dying. I merge more and more into unity consciousness, into Zero Point where timelines collapse, where all is one, where i don’t have to be that murderer of my twin in Paris, where i no longer am the healer in Lemuria.

No, i am not that past or that present, more and more i am the energy. That flame of Creation that experiences everything, connected to all that is.

And fuck you!! Its fucking hard, lol.

Thanks dear Kat ♥️

18 Sep
childish things, convo's with higher self, my way home

the last pain

♥  september 18 . 2017 : the last frontier  ♥

* i am angry and i am tired – in Hermit mode *

“Alcy (i call him Alcy since he is no longer my master but an equal presence, and f*ck, he is jumping in and out of my belly so may i!) “Do i get IT all now?” i ask Alcyone, the Great Central Sun.

There is so much knowledge inside me, sometimes it’s almost too much. Joy deepens, pain deepens, and i know the hardest is yet to come. This connecting with ALL there is, with ALL of Gaia but also with my past (and yes I realize there is NO TIME, it is all happening now sigh).

“So Alcy, do i GET IT ALL now?.” 🤔

“Yes, prepare for The Last Frontier, The Last Pain there is”, Alcyone tells me. And he explains: “You are breaking down your walls, you want to be the authentic you, you wanna pull off your masks, you have to! And I am here for you. You are living your last life on Gaia, saying goodbye to Gaia gives you a lot of pain. And Gaia gives you all you need to know and all you want to feel and to experience.”

Yes, Gaia’s uploads into my body won’t stop, they increase and i am glad most of the information is subconscious to me, it will reveal itself when it’s time. This is the last connection, the empath’s nightmare lol. Feeling all of her/these energies, feeling a planet. And i am scared to death! The Last Frontier, The Last Pain, a genuine and loving connection 🙂

Lol, Higher Self is telling me to hurry up finishing my room so ‘we’ can move forward (i’m still busy in my new house). And i know i am procrastinating coz of fear, by the way HS.. ‘we?’ Am ‘I’ nowadays ‘we’? Yes, i am angry! Angry with HS, with the Universe, coz they tell me nothing at the moment. They ‘direct’ me, give me information but no solutions or clues. And i feel blank inside.

Why is my house a friendly old man with gray hair and a gray beard who sits beside me and smiles while i am crying and why is Bert walking across my kitchen in this suit he wears on that pic from ages ago? Ughh, Bert is the guy i thought was my father till my mother told me he wasn’t 🙁 Is he dead? Is this why he is showing up now? Does he have a message?

And these waves, uploads from Gaia? Why? What are they? They drive me crazy! And they increase, bout every 3-4 minutes they come into my legs, up in my body and i shake. Kundalini? HS won’t answer, the Universe won’t answer, Gaia won’t answer, Alcyone won’t answer and my house doesn’t answer, i am blank. 😳

Wait wait wait. And i feel old and i am sooo tired! I am here, recollecting.

Meditation : The little pink girl is in the temple of Telos, in Inner Earth. She has just entered, angels at her side, taking her hands. She walks, in awe and feeling so tiny between the two angels, to the middle of the temple and she asks: “Can i really open my heart now?”. The angels answer in silence yes you can.

“But it hurts, the world comes in and i have to protect myself and i DON’T WANNA protect myself any longer! I am so done with these walls around me!”

Brave little girl, i love you  ♥️

12 Sep
empathy, my way home

my house talks to me

♥  september 12 . 2017  ♥

Bout a month ago I moved into my new home, a small apartment in a (rebuild) monastery. Long story short: i lived here some 20 years ago, in another part of the building. At that time we discovered a leyline crossing our building. I met my husband here, married here, moved with my hus and now divorcing and returning to this lovely place. Okay, what’s new? My House Talks To Me 😳

I am doing some carpeting in my bedroom and kick a piece of wood out of the way, mmm, IT doesn’t seem to like that. ‘You don’t want that?, i ask. ‘Who wants to be kicked?’ it answers. Okay okay, I interact with flowers, trees, bricks, houses, why not a piece of wood? ‘Yes, why not?’ i sense. “Beautiful stones with a history, telling a story, you enlightened humans can accept that, can you accept a piece of wood with his own history?”

I look around in this room and connect, MY bedroom. I FEEL the wooden roof, the floor, the walls. And i cry! Suddenly. WE ARE ONE, WE ARE CONNECTED. And this place talks to me, now: ‘Finally, you know now I am here, YOU are here, I wanted YOU here, you belong here, now at his time, this place. Yes, you discovered 1 leyline, there is another line, just crossing the first, you are now above this crossroads of leylines, this grid point, you are where you are supposed to be, finally. I asked you to come, coz the time is NOW. And you listened, you felt my call.

And i know, since months i have this strange energies running up my legs, they come from Gaia. And i wondered where they come from and why. And now it seems related to this place. I cry and cry and i ask this presence to stop now, i can’t handle anymore. Yes, i knew there was something with this peculiar place, I have to be here. Well, i am here .. but .. lol .. i am exhausted!

Okay, i think this is enough, to me at this moment it is enough.
Actually there was more stuff but i edited this one. At this point it is even too weird to me 🤔

Love ♥️

15 Aug
my way home, the cycle of the soul

shiver & shake

♥  august 15 . 2017  : and free yourself  ♥

😜

I sit in my garden and my dog is chasing a cat. I smile but then i feel sad, soon i relocate and i have to leave him. I feel a shiver and my body shakes. Lol, this has become so familiar to me, this shaking. Now i look to my dog through Her eyes, Lyra’s eyes, i smile and my heart smiles and i say “thank you”. 🐩

* SHE feels ONE with ALL. She knows that time is an illusion and that sadness is a state of mind. And She lives from Her heart. She looks at her dog and feels only love, She knows this will always exists, nothing is lost, all is here, NOW. And She has the wisdom of the stars and the blessing of the Universe. She is whole, She is Creation * 🌀

“Who are you thanking Lyra”, i sense. Weird, i can’t tell if it is Higher Self or Alcyone. “Well, lol, i thank Me actually. For allowing myself to be here, in this place, at this time and to feel and experience this fully!”

I am at peace
Lyra  ♥️

02 Aug
childish things, convo's with higher self, empathy, my way home

the Hermit

♥  august 2 . 2017 : a friendly raindrop  ♥
💧💧💧

I am rediscovering the Tarot, now in an intuitive way. Years ago i studied the cards, using books to understand the messages. Now messages flow more. So, since we are so busy clearing old crap and with these strong energies around, i started with spreads on pics. And while being bombarded with waves, hidden knowledge came to the surface. 🔒

The spread: 4 pics, 4 different ages. The one with the biggest impact was the youngest me, it seems she is/was the wisest. Being born under the sign of Aries, with the number 9 the Hermit, she was born with Empress capabilities. The very moment i draw the Hermit, i burst out in tears. I draw my ‘own’ card, the card i feel so familiar with, and in a split second i know: you knew, i tell the girl in the pic, you knew it all.

♥️ little one ♥️ i know what my life is going to be, i know i will meet Him in this lifetime, i know what i came here for. Im standing outside, it drizzles. A raindrop comes along. I see it and IT SEES ME. It smiles at me. I cry and thank the drop, for seeing me. It thanks me for seeing IT. And the waves keep pouring in. 🌀

“Did you doubted she knew?,” Higher Self asks, while i close the curtains (f*ck, this late already, i gotta sleep!). “Well HS, i didn’t really know but i was wondering for some time now what she wanted to tell me.”
“Well, yes she knew all: who she was, why she came, that He would come. Coz they made this arrangement, long long time ago, when Lemuria fell. The both of them. To be there/here, the time was right. The time is NOW.”
“Thanks HS, but i really gotta sleep now. Goodnight.” ♥️

And goodnight little powerful one, im proud of you. 😊

29 Jul
childish things, convo's with higher self, duality, my way home

the winds of change

♥  july 29 . 2017 . entropy is an illusion  ♥

in the forest with my dog
i realize, this will never die
i will be here forever, with my dog
this moment in time will always be 🌳

being nothing, not significant
yet being all
this is no duality
this is wholeness ☯️

yet, there’s the little pink girl
again,  relocating
and the trees wait so patiently
so silently, so peacefully

entropy is an illusion
i tear the leaf in pieces
can it be whole again?
entropy says no, i say yes

in fact, it already is whole
in a space without time and yet
always time, this leaf is always whole 🍀

SHE was always whole, but she didn’t know
she was torn to pieces
lost parts of herself
yet, she was never lost!

from entropy to quantum entanglement
a flow in time/non-time
source created entropy, chaos out of order
order out of chaos
and we are moving back

the girl is getting whole again
sitting under a tree with some giggling fairies
she writes : i gotta heal myself, the feeling of being worthless
i am powerful and it scares me as hell ‍♀️♂️

“Dear mommy, are we going to move again?”, the little pink girl asks her mom while she is packing their stuff in boxes. There is Bella, her favorite black doll, almost as big as the girl! “Yes yes, we have to child, stop nagging now, i’m busy”. And she remembers, they were always, always moving, again, a new home. 🏚️

“Dear Higher Self, are we going on the move again?”, i ask HS while he is hoisting the sails. He turns his bald, blue head and shows me his big smile. “Yes yes, we have to, the time is perfect. Pack your stuff and lets ride these waves”. Ok ok, here we go again, sailing to New Earth. 🌎

“Dear Alcyone, i know i promised to go and i really like to, but i will forget bout you! How can that be? I can’t imagine ME without YOU.” The great central sun smiles with his big heart: “little one, we are always together, try to remember. Now go, we will meet again in Lemuria”.

07 Jul
childish things, my way home, Zero Point & time

there is a stillness inside me

♥  2017-7-7 : the creator in the eye of the storm  ♥

I sit on my terrace in my lovely garden and i look at my wonderful dog named Bliksem, something like Lightning in English. He gives me so much joy. And i am saying goodbye. 😔

I read bout the July waves and yes, i do feel it is gonna be a hell of a ride, fasten seat-belts! There is no point of return, no u-turn in sight. Yes, we have free will of course .. lol .. did you believe that?! We always do what we are supposed to do.

July storms are ferocious, a wild wind pounds on my door. Dark shadows lurking in the corners of my room, the darkest caves of my mind and my emotions illuminated. Yet, i feel sooo quiet, sooo centered, sooo creative, so NOW!

* there is a stillness inside me
i am the creator in the eye of the storm *

I sit in the middle of my granny’s kitchen, 5 years of age, playing with the buttons she keeps in an old biscuit drum, all kinds of buttons in ONE drum! So, i sort them out. From little to big, from light to dark, 2 holes, 4 holes, wood, plastic, metal,  you name it. In the middle of the kitchen floor while granny is trying to prepare a stew. 🍯

And she smiles her all compassing smile and i smile. How i love my granny! She knows who i am and she lets me be who i am. And i can sit here for hours with the buttons and HER who is with me always. 💋

Yes, I AM The Eye Of The Storm. All around me is crumbling, falling apart, whirling and swirling. ME, in the middle, in the void, a creator. How do i want my world to be? What do i build with all these fragments? WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? And i build, from little to big, from dark to light, from separation to wholeness, you name it. 🌎

Yes, there is a place inside me, my silent dominion, my eye of the storm.

06 Jul
childish things, my way home

can i have my wings back Raphael?

♥  july 6 . 2017  ♥

From when i was a little child (i could babble ‘dada’ and ‘mama’ yes!) my mother explained to me: “You were born for a dime and you will never be a quarter”. So you can imagine what she told me when i revealed to her, at the age of 9, my Big Dream for the future. Being a cave researcher. ❌

And i feel her thinking, ‘dream dream child, life sucks, we never get anywhere, we never did. Just work our asses off, eat meatloaf with potatoes, maybe beef on Sundays, and we die at the age of 65 just when we retire’. 😩

Yeah, i am a dime, i know mom. And i bow my head and i take off my little snow white softly pink glowing wings, which no one can see, can you believe that! And i put them in my black box. The box vanishes … up … to Raphael. He gives me a loving smile and says: “i will take care of your wings little pink one, let me know when you are ready. Go play being a dime now but never forget, you are a bright shining DIAMOND”. 💎

Well,  recently i paid Raphael a visit 🙂

02 Jul
my way home, twin flames

i am awful !

♥  july 2 . 2017 : what the f*ck is 5D ?  ♥

I am awful, i tell myself, while cleaning the house, where everything has its own place. I wipe some dust off a table. Yeah, really awful! I am such a perfectionist, so meticulous. Lol, You are here, smiling, only You know HOW meticulous I am. And i am happy and as you laugh about me, i laugh about me. 🙂

January 2017 : after 1,5 year of crying, confusion, pain, doubt, lol, dark night of the soul, welcome, i love you! I don’t know how i managed, but i did somehow. thank you Ariel, Ismael and Gaia/Izta. I was sooo tired of it all, i felt like shedding all the tears i had, purged all the pain i ever experienced. And i accepted. Just as it was, it is what it is. And i let Him free, let him BE.

And i discovered all these Facebook-rooms, read all these posts bout twin flames, bout ‘waves’ coming in, bout 5D (what the f*ck is 5D?), bout a ‘journey’ (journey, journey, what journey, ME?). Nowadays, lol, i can’t shake His higher self of my back! He is always here, smiling, loving my stupid habits, my addictions (which are his too by the way), my sexual fantasies (and we do share these too). 😮

And i think : was it only January? Really? How much did i flipped the circle? On which spiral am i now? Yep. DNOTS and 6 months of clarity, love, acceptance, letting go and finally knowing, feeling    I AM WHO I AM

Yo . Lyra . Johanna . Jo , Ans . Anna . transmuter of pain . starseed . Pleiadian . Lemurian healer . murderer . lover . Lyran . priestess of Alcyone . a child of God / Source / Eternity. Yes my love, we are ALL. And we go higher, another spiral, another battle, a ‘battle’ we already won.

Thank you all! Lightworkers, friends, companions on this journey, confused ones, karmic ones, source, inner child, TF’s, angels, guides, trees. Yes, and now i realize i am as crazy as you ‘guys’. ♥️

30 Jun
childish things, empathy, my way home

bleuberry juice

♥  june 30 . 2017  ♥

“Tell me, how did you manage,” i ask her as i visit her in her treehouse, between the strong roots of a magnificent, friendly tree. “I didn’t manage,” she says “and you know, stupid question! You were there, with me, hurt and confused. WE couldn’t manage remember” ❓

I am in meditation but i can’t focus and i drift away into a wood. I lose the way and am drawn to HER HOME, the sacred place of my inner child. I love this place, animals everywhere, a white owl checking out who is visiting. A giant spider with a face totally not aligned. A snow white magical unicorn she calls Nieve. 🍄

As i now sit at her table, drinking blueberry juice, a bit fermented of course 🙂 i ask her: “how did you manage the loss, the pain, falling apart again and again and again”. 🍷

“I felt stripped,” she tells me, “bare to the bone. Layer by layer getting peeled off of me. Peeled? Torn! Each loss, each pain, skin after skin, mask after mask, till nothing was left of me.
Just as you feel now.
But we are transmuters dear ME“. ⚛

“Thank you, yes! I mean, we did manage, didn’t we?”

23 Jun
(non) letters to a DM, my way home

abyss of frozen hope

♥  june 23 . 2017 : my last life  ♥

Do You remember? Standing at the Abyss of Frozen Hope? Me telling You this is my last life on earth.
I don’t know why i tell You or how i know, i just know.
We talk about afterlife and reincarnation and it hits me: This Is My Last Life On Earth!
And coz i can tell You all, well, almost all 😊 i tell You this the moment i feel it.

“Maybe you come back as a leader”, You say. And i think of world leaders, political leaders, religious leaders.
I don’t know what You think. “Nah”, i reply. 🤔

But yes lol, You were right! I have come back as a leader, in what seems to be a ‘next’ life
I didn’t really have to die in the PHYSICAL, not this time. I mean, i wasn’t buried or burned 🔥
But yeah, this is kinda dying I guess.

And i have come back as a leader, my own leader! Anyway, to start with 😜
Love

12 Jun
my way home, the cycle of the soul, Zero Point & time

away team

♥  june 12 . 2017 : 23:17  ♥

Spiraling down    leveling    spiraling down    leveling     fack! Cant level.
Balance, balance    ok now. Into density, heavier and heavier.
First ring : nah, been there. Second ring : auch, who bit me?
Third ring : a bit light. Fourth ring : open arms and mouths   and legs   no thanks.
Fifth ring : pain   spiraling again   deeper   in. ⚛
Sixth ring : orange and a golden sun. Hi! Oh, hello, says the orange ray.
Seventh ring : finally, destination reached!

Lyran time ignLTLyra : 1,179,001 😎
Hey commander, im in, what are your orders?
Go to sleep little one, soon you will be waken, go to sleep now 🙂

and i fall

03 Jun
childish things, my way home, twin flames

the pink girl

♥  june 3 . 2017 : Lyra, The One I Am  ♥

I am standing on that hill, the hill i love so so much! This is my world, my whole being, The One I Am!
There is no one else on this hill, yet i am not alone. My companion Alcyone is here. pastedGraphic.png
Alcyone, my guiding star, my master, the brightest light in my universe.
Lyra, he says, you are a healer of the Temple of Light and Love, do your job. pastedGraphic_1.png

I am in the temple, HE is here with me, dark curling hair, those blue eyes!
Now i feel strong, we can manage! Together. pastedGraphic_2.png
Alcyone sends his beam into my Third Eye, into my heart and my hands, and we heal. pastedGraphic_3.png

Ouch! F¥ck! I am 2 years old, a cute little girl in a pink dress, mom is showing off with this pink girl.
In the park, sun is shining. Alcyone, where are you?! Take me away please! I don’t belong here! pastedGraphic_4.png
But Alcyone is gone and im here, feeling trapped, being tied up in some stupid child thing!
I cant move! pastedGraphic_5.png

Now, Alcyone is back. pastedGraphic_6.png
And I Am Lyra.
Took some ‘time’ though.
Ah yes, i agreed it seems.

Welcome to you all, beautiful Light-workers!

03 Jun
childish things, my way home, twin flames

Izta : daddy has come home

♥  june 3 . 2017 . 1:09  ♥

I climb the mountain and lay down on her, Izta. I come here to ground, to feel Gaia.
Gaia protects Izta, the waiting one, the sleeping one, the melting one.
Izta waits for her warrior to come and take her home.
And she waits and waits. But Popo is nowhere in sight. pastedGraphic.png

The little girl waits for her daddy to come home.
Her mom tells her : don’t worry, he will come.
And she waits and waits, but he never came, she never saw him again. pastedGraphic_1.png

And she lost ground and eventually she lost trust, coz now she knows, he was never supposed to come home!
Many many years later, her mother told her : we broke up and i just couldn’t tell you,
you were a little girl, i didn’t want to hurt you. pastedGraphic_2.png

The little girl also discovered that this man, whom she loved and believed to be her daddy, wasn’t her daddy at all.
Well, to her he was, even though she never saw him again. Grown-ups!! Puhhh! Grow up!! pastedGraphic_3.png

And she waits and she sleeps and she melts. And she grounds, together with Izta, the waiting warrioress.
They wait in silence, in peace. Gaia is here, she supports and loves as a gentle mother, Gaia knows. pastedGraphic_4.png

Some day, some night, he will return, Popo, the warrior.
And he will reclaim his rightful place next to his beloved Izta.
Daddy has come home. pastedGraphic_5.png

The story of Izta & Popo

15 May
meditations, my way home

retrieving pieces

♥  may 15 . 2017  ♥
After-meditation : retrieving pieces from Lemuria.

# april 30 . 2017 I found out that I had a past life in Lemuria which ended quite dramatically #

I had a beautiful meditation in the presence of Metatron. And it felt good to have him here, and i thought bout Lemuria. That it very likely holds pieces of me, coz i witnessed its fall. So i asked Metatron if he could assist me and he agreed 🙂

I said the words Katherine (Martin Youngren) told me to say : i ask now that all the pieces of me that Lemuria holds, to be wrapped in love and forgiveness and be returned to me at this time. Please i ask that all the pieces of Lemuria that i hold, to be wrapped in love and forgiveness and be returned at this time. Saying this the third time, i began to cry, my stomach and heart area contracting.

Then my third eye contracted and i felt a pressure on my forehead, stronger than i have ever felt. I said the words again, and there suddenly was a beam of light coming into my third eye! Lemuria gave me back the light in my third eye. This was the first time i experienced my own light in my third eye. Now it was receiving and emitting light.

I stayed focussed, receving the gift. I felt light and joy. I thanked Lemuria. What i gave back : i was on the hill again, looking down at the destruction of Lemuria. I asked: what do i have that belongs to you? I felt acceptance and love and pain, my pain, our pain! Again i said the words bout returning all pieces to Lemuria. But now i added:  wrapped in love, forgiveness and LIGHT. And i gave back the pain i felt, carefully wrapped and transmuted into light. The light was very important i felt. I cant give back pain without transmuting it. Again i said the words and it was ok.

For now its ok coz i feel there is more. It all felt very good and enlightening.

My third eye kept glowing for some time, even after this ‘meditation’ was over. And now its presence is more clearly. By the way, i was a healer in Lemuria, a channel, i received light from a sun (Alcyone), i received it in my third eye, it travelled through my throat chakra and connected with my heart. From there it flowed to my hands. And i healed.

So far, till now, the heavy weight i felt on my heart, is almost gone, theres still some weight. Next time! I thanked Metatron for assisting me!

With love

30 Apr
meditations, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames

Lemuria : first contact

♥  april 30 . 2017  ♥
Blue Sky Hypnosis Past Life Meditation

Before i started meditation i asked spirit to guide me and show me what’s most important for me now, at this time.

# The narrator leads me through a meadow and into a building. Inside is a corridor. I choose a door and go inside. #

I am in the corridor, a long long corridor with many doors. I choose the door that is the furthest away. It is a silvery door, very simple, no handle, I am puzzled how to open it and then it simply opens itself.

Inside : I am looking at my feet, I am barefoot. I wear a simple dress with a cord around my waist. I am female, green dress, blond hair in a braid. I am 23 years of age. I wear a simple ring.

Outside : I am standing on the rocky slope of a hill. Sun, a blue sky. The blue of the sky makes me cry. It is a very pleasant scenery and I feel at home here.

Dinner : outside somewhere on the slope of the hill, a simple, rectangular long table, people sitting at the table. My name is Lyra and I collected the foods. Fruits, berries and green vegetables from the surroundings. Most people are seated now and I put the food on the table. I am looking up to the sky, it is a bright and starry night. I love this place and I smile.

A happy scene: I am up the hill, sitting on a bench, with Him! The starry sky, the blue of his eyes and his dark somewhat curly hair. In silence we just sit and enjoy. And I get lost in his eyes.

Another scene : we work together in the temple up the hill, the city lies beneath us. We heal, as a team. There is a man on a bench, we stand on both sides of the bench. From above a sunbeam enters my third eye, the light flows through my throat and heart  and into my hands. Healing Light and I am the channel for this Light. My voice is important too, soft, non-judgmental,  comforting.

Worst scene : I am 46 years of age and again I am with Him on our beloved hill. And we look down upon the ruins of the city, the destruction of what once was our love and our life. And my heart aches (I feel now physically my heart being so heavy!). And we know we gotta part, not only from this world but also from each other. Time to leave has arrived. And it hurts!!

Lesson / gift : I came here to experience pain in all his facets so I could learn to transform it for the benefit of all. And the loss of this world, the loss of Him, is a terrible pain. And I made a vow, there on the hill : give me all the pain I can handle and I transform it. Make me strong and I will bring this love, this world back.

The year : 10.000 BC. The city : Amara. The place : Lemuria.

There was a symbol on the door to Lemuria … an 8 horizontal … eternity.

More about Lemuria.
The Lemurian Connection
wikipedia

21 Apr
meditations, my way home, the cycle of the soul, twin flames, Zero Point & time

a golden me

♥  april 21 . 2017  ♥

BlueSkyHynosis : guided past life regression (youtube) 43:11min

The narrator leads me to a temple, there’s a corridor with doors, i pick one door and go in. Then he asks me questions: how do i look, age, what’s inside, how’s dinner, etc.

The corridor : i choose a door. The door is golden and emitting a soft golden light. A door, very clean and stainless. The number on the door is 11. It has no door handle, it just softly opens to me.

Inside : my feet are golden, i am totally golden it seems, no clothes, just, i am golden. Hair? Gender? Jewelry? I really can’t tell, just that all is golden.

The room : all is golden, the floor, the ceiling, the 3 walls, emitting a soft golden light. The room is square, there’s no opposite wall from where i am standing, the wall is missing and i just look into the universe. Beautiful! It’s dark blue with purple and reds, i see stars, nebula’s, milky ways, I am in awe.

What’s your age : i can’t tell, i am very old! Thousands of years..

What’s the year : it is 9,343 lol, past life i think 🙂 Yep, time doesn’t exist! All fades into one.

How is dinner : i am floating in space now, kinda spinning around and spiraling through space. I am taking in light and i am emitting light. Very at ease and joyful.

Most important scene : i stand again in the golden room, looking into space, where the fourth wall is missing. I see a new star being born and I did this, it’s my creation.

Which person is there : ok wait, it is OUR creation! Coz now i notice the OTHER BEING in the room. It (yep it) looks just like me, a golden soft glowing being, totally at ease and emitting so much love. Just like me i can’t tell if it’s male or female. And i feel it doesn’t matter either. We together are feminine and masculine. I ask myself and IT if it is my twin flame? My higher self? Who are you? And i instantly know, get the answer: I am you, you are me, we are soul, we are two, we are one, don’t label it. We are love, we are creators! And we just created this new star.

Where are you : i got the name Sagittarius. The city : Lyca.

What is the lesson, the message : we, the two of us here in the room, are powerful creators. We create from within the heart. And i feel our hearts emitting sooo much love and light and joy and compassion!

What does ‘you’ there has to tell you : me here (the now, earth, my present life) and me there (the past/future) is all one. Trust you, trust me, i am your higher self, you are me, i am you, i love you, we ARE powerful creators. We are the universe, belief it. Trust it.

Ok, that’s it. So beautiful!
At the beginning of this meditation, my hands got so heavy and warm, glowing! When in the room with our hearts emitting love, i felt them, they are connected to my heart, they create together. They are important: ‘use your hands wisely and with a loving touch’, i was told.
Almost all the time of this meditation, i cried, tears of joy, of happiness, of oneness. And, of remembrance, i remembered! Lol, i remembered the future!
And all the time, there was only love, joy, all was peace and so so … i can’t explain, nothing interfered, not once a single ‘negative’ energy! Not the slightest sign of…