Higher Self’s good advice :-)

am i channeling myself ?

♥  may 29 . 2018  ♥

“HS, who is giving me my information?”, i ask my higher self, while showering and feeling his presence.
HS smiles and i know, much comes from him, my male HS!
“But but lol, you stand here next to me, not above me, and we are one more and more.
So basically, i am channeling myself?”, i ask him. 🤔

We look at each other … and burst out in a laugh!
“Yes, basically”, he replies.
With compassion,
from the silly neighbor who bursts out in a laugh while showering alone. 😳

i don’t want your power

♥  maart 23 . 2018 : he says with a smile, take it back  ♥

In meditation, with His higher self on my left side, in his favorite outfit, as a Roman nobleman. Lol, yes we had a life there together but i can’t tell (yet) why He chooses this time frame. Nero, Agrippa, Agrippina?? Chaotic, lawless times.

“Some one has a message for you”, his HS tells me, “and he is here now”.

I feel a presence but can’t see it, it is obscured by darkness, in the corner of my room. Now light is starting to glow softly and i recognize this figure. Nah, nah, cant be .. nah

# i gotta tell first: this was bout 5 months ago when i still was doubting who my DM is, yeah i should know by now, still didn’t want to know and was confused #

But yes, here He is, confirmation after confirmation, this warrior now stepping into the light has a message for me.

“I don’t want your power,” he says, “take it back”. And he smiles and i melt and he leaves.

This power issue is keeping me busy for months! Getting me to review all of my earlier committed relations, my codependencies, my attachments. And yes, giving my power away again and again and again and again.

No more! I decided yesterday.  😇

i am me
i am free

a visitor

♥  march 16 . 2018  ♥ 

in my kitchen . crying . despair . loss . pain
there is a presence . nah not Bert
i cry and i am so tired . someone is here ?
i wanna ask who is here now
but i am too afraid to ask

i just cry . looking at my Higher Self for support
without words i ask HS : who’s here ?
you find out . he replies
i am so scared . trying to speak and ask
who are you ? but i can’t

who … who … w … w …
im just too scared . this new presence
too much for me to cope with

finally . after minutes . i manage to ask
who are you ?
lol . it just disappeared !
i was too late 🙁

ok . i know why i was so afraid
i know who it was

wow i leveled !

♥  february 28 . 2018  : and a door opened  ♥

In bed, shaking, the energies rush up through my legs, they come from Izta : my grounding force, Gaia’s daughter, i love her, she is my sista ♥️ The energies rush up my spine, get stuck halfway my belly and my heart and i shake and shake. Open your crown, consciously, i sense. Of course i obey lol, resistance is futile you know.

I imagine my crown opening gently with white flower petals. The energies rush up, they feed my wings, my little pink glowing wings, from when i was a child, now growing big and white, still vulnerable.

“Hi HS,” i greet my Higher Self who is showing up now, “Uhhh why are you male?”, i ask Him. “Coz you are female”, he replies and smiles. Ah it is all about balance now, i get it. Going into this Temperance year. Maybe weird but i am really looking forward to it. 🌀

* A room, square, only a door and HS in a tuxedo and white tie lol! What, wait, i am in a ballroom gown and HS is standing behind me. We are facing a closed door. HS puts his hands on my back and gently guides me to this door. “You are a gentleman too”, i tell HS while turning my head and giving him a smile. “Of course i am”, he replies and directs me to the door.

I turn my face to the door and .. f*ck! I face the open door, it is a black hole, it is all black, it is the universe, lol, i don’t know WHAT it is and HS gives me a gentle push, and i stumble across the threshold. 😯

And while i fall and fall and fall, i hear HS shouting: “It’s a test!” *

Wtf! Are you ready ⁉️

feel like falling down ?

♥  february 21 . 2018 : all about perception  ♥

This journey has thrown me of my feet, once again. “Revelations will come, divine timing you know”, they say and they smile 😎 they know how impatient i can be.

The Tower came crashing in, i am sick at home, flu. Guess i was waiting and waiting, and nothing happened, and i pushed and pushed, pushed myself.

Now i am slowly realizing what state i am in: “Yes, you felt like nothing happened, you were at a standstill 🙄 and I told you before, you are pushing yourself too hard”. No use arguing with Higher Self so i keep my mouth lol.

I rebelled against meditation (haven’t meditated for 2 weeks i guess): “If you ‘guys’ don’t tell me what’s going on, then .. then …. i stop meditating!” Something like that lol. And that’s stupid cause in meditation i get messages 🤔

* and i fell and fell . down the spiral of life . my life . all my lives . well . some of my lives 🔓 some clarity . the whole story . can’t see the whole picture . sense it . all around us . in ZP *

And they show me, all the time i thought i was struggling to get up the spiral and i thought i kept falling, the spiral itself was spiraling up, and yes i wasn’t able to keep up with the energy, so i thought i was falling. Lol, confusing concept! ☯️

But i get it! LET GO AND LET GOD (aka they) ♥️

do you believe in unicorns ?

♥  january 28 . 2018 : matters of the heart  ♥

❤️ am i . was i . heartbroken ? guess so

# they tell me : remember . it is all illusion #

“Do you believe in unicorns?”, she asks the little girl. “Yes i did! Of course i did! But then the world showed its ugly face, people just didn’t care bout unicorns. I told them! They wouldn’t listen.

# and they tell me : remember . it is all illusion #

Now she cries, this little, fragile child, showing me her tears, her pain, this f*cking freaking hard harsh world. How could she cope? How could she? Yes! Show me! How can i?! Yes, heart broken. Can you survive a broken heart?

# they say : it is all illusion . you know who you are #

“Ah, you are here,” i tell HS and give him a smile 🙂 Yeah, thought so, you are back”. “Nope,” my higher selfs replies: “YOU are back”, and he smiles. Of course , in the end, i may be stubborn lol, but then you havent met my HS!! Yes yes HS who broke my heart? Former lovers? Parents? Gaias suffering? YOU name it okay?!  I accept it 🙂 with love 🌸😎 You know, my HS is ALWAYS right! I have to admit 🙂 “Who broke your heart?” he asks. And in some weird way, i have to be honest with him lol. Not Who… but What .. if some one broke my heart, it would be me, lol of course!

@ stationary
come on love, draw your swords, shoot me to the ground 🙂
diversions diversions .. WHO WHO WHO WHO
F*<k Y¥o
Don’t u dare 2 G0!
anyway, the Unicorns are back 😎
to be continued 🙂

Love ❤️🌷❤️

where the fuck

♥  january 12 . 2018  ♥

I am preparing for a light body meditation, getting ready for the ride 😊 cleaning some stuff and breathing into Gaia and up to Source.

Ah, there’s my cab, a bright white shiny merkabah softly coming my way. “Get in,” Higher Self smiles, “this is your merkabah”.
I really feel this now, i recognize it, this one is mine! And i burst out in tears.

“You deserve it,” HS smiles, “you can handle it now, you are ready”.

Now all kinds of questions run through me : where was it all that time i didn’t had it, what does this mean, now i have it back?

But the most urgent question is : where the fuck do i park my merkabah? 😳

poor abandoned me

♥  october 24 . 2017 : resurrection of a light carrier ♥

I just started meditation and my heart begins to ache, sharp pins. Where is this hurt? I start to cry and i sense: “What do you lack?” Huh, what? “Acceptance? Money? Love? A loving mother?” I think of my childhood. Lol, still cleaning up old crap 😥

And now light shows, i lack light! And i feel angry, they took my light! “Who took your light?” the presence asks. Mmmm, i did, i have to admit. “Why did you do that?” I was not worthy of it, not worthy to carry it with dignity and courage. 🔙

I shut my own light off because no-one saw it, no-one wanted it and i felt rejected. And i failed to spread the light of Creation so i was unworthy of carrying it. My connection with Source was gone, no one to share my light with, i was alone, yes yes abandoned, poor me. Soul comes in now, gently, and i invite her in. “All your lack is lack of light, nothing else”, and she smiles. ☯️

The Pleiadians step in (the healing pyramid of light), a small group. And He is there, the first time i see Him as a Pleiadian 🙂 Yes of course! Before Lemuria we had lives! Together, He comforts me, gives me trust, and we melt in some way for a short time.

Then my soul shows me: in Zero Point there is no time and as you know, only the NOW exists. All your so called lives are now. The more you reach ZP the more you will experience all your lives becoming one. And the ability to influence all.

At this point the meditation (voice) takes over again and im drifting away in an orange, golden orb. The sun just broke through the clouds and shines through my closed eyes. After the meditation Higher Self tells me: “Take your time, don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?” 🙄

And yes, my big yearning becomes sooo clear to me: i want the only person that i can really, truly share my light with,  the one that resonates at the exact same frequency.
with love, may the Light be with you

I had a link to the vid on youtube but the vid is gone. It was one of my favs …


resistance and a sneaky soul 😲

♥  october 22 . 2017 : resistance and a sneaky soul  ♥ 😲

I quarrel with Higher Self, my guides, some angels, a fairy, whatever 😡 while my soul tries to sneak into my body.

Yes, our souls want our bodies! Is this some new approach from above? Am i too slow, too stubborn? Lol, yes, i am in resistance at the moment. What? Why? F*ck, all the old me is falling apart, and i try hard to hold on to the last known pieces, the last known securities, the last comfort-zone. 🗝

What does it mean when the soul merges with the body, the psychical? Yes, we heard again and again that ascension this time isn’t about going up, but about the spiritual descending in the psychical. Well, our souls want to come in, avoiding the interpreters like HS, guides etc. They are very useful yes, but the soul is far more direct.

The soul resides in that Zero Point where all merges. It won’t be an easy proces, merging soul and 3D. We (soul and human and ego and energy and emotions and so on) gotta merge and travel together through a diversity of densities, of colors, of darkness. Well, good luck to all of us 🍀♥️

the last pain

♥  september 18 . 2017 : the last frontier  ♥

* i am angry and i am tired – in Hermit mode *

“Alcy (i call him Alcy since he is no longer my master but an equal presence, and f*ck, he is jumping in and out of my belly so may i!) “Do i get IT all now?” i ask Alcyone, the Great Central Sun.

There is so much knowledge inside me, sometimes it’s almost too much. Joy deepens, pain deepens, and i know the hardest is yet to come. This connecting with ALL there is, with ALL of Gaia but also with my past (and yes I realize there is NO TIME, it is all happening now sigh).

“So Alcy, do i GET IT ALL now?.” 🤔

“Yes, prepare for The Last Frontier, The Last Pain there is”, Alcyone tells me. And he explains: “You are breaking down your walls, you want to be the authentic you, you wanna pull off your masks, you have to! And I am here for you. You are living your last life on Gaia, saying goodbye to Gaia gives you a lot of pain. And Gaia gives you all you need to know and all you want to feel and to experience.”

Yes, Gaia’s uploads into my body won’t stop, they increase and i am glad most of the information is subconscious to me, it will reveal itself when it’s time. This is the last connection, the empath’s nightmare lol. Feeling all of her/these energies, feeling a planet. And i am scared to death! The Last Frontier, The Last Pain, a genuine and loving connection 🙂

Lol, Higher Self is telling me to hurry up finishing my room so ‘we’ can move forward (i’m still busy in my new house). And i know i am procrastinating coz of fear, by the way HS.. ‘we?’ Am ‘I’ nowadays ‘we’? Yes, i am angry! Angry with HS, with the Universe, coz they tell me nothing at the moment. They ‘direct’ me, give me information but no solutions or clues. And i feel blank inside.

Why is my house a friendly old man with gray hair and a gray beard who sits beside me and smiles while i am crying and why is Bert walking across my kitchen in this suit he wears on that pic from ages ago? Ughh, Bert is the guy i thought was my father till my mother told me he wasn’t 🙁 Is he dead? Is this why he is showing up now? Does he have a message?

And these waves, uploads from Gaia? Why? What are they? They drive me crazy! And they increase, bout every 3-4 minutes they come into my legs, up in my body and i shake. Kundalini? HS won’t answer, the Universe won’t answer, Gaia won’t answer, Alcyone won’t answer and my house doesn’t answer, i am blank. 😳

Wait wait wait. And i feel old and i am sooo tired! I am here, recollecting.

Meditation : The little pink girl is in the temple of Telos, in Inner Earth. She has just entered, angels at her side, taking her hands. She walks, in awe and feeling so tiny between the two angels, to the middle of the temple and she asks: “Can i really open my heart now?”. The angels answer in silence yes you can.

“But it hurts, the world comes in and i have to protect myself and i DON’T WANNA protect myself any longer! I am so done with these walls around me!”

Brave little girl, i love you  ♥️

the Hermit

♥  august 2 . 2017 : a friendly raindrop  ♥

I am rediscovering the Tarot, now in an intuitive way. Years ago i studied the cards, using books to understand the messages. Now messages flow more. So, since we are so busy clearing old crap and with these strong energies around, i started with spreads on pics. And while being bombarded with waves, hidden knowledge came to the surface. 🔒

The spread: 4 pics, 4 different ages. The one with the biggest impact was the youngest me, it seems she is/was the wisest. Being born under the sign of Aries, with the number 9 the Hermit, she was born with Empress capabilities. The very moment i draw the Hermit, i burst out in tears. I draw my ‘own’ card, the card i feel so familiar with, and in a split second i know: you knew, i tell the girl in the pic, you knew it all.

♥️ little one ♥️ i know what my life is going to be, i know i will meet Him in this lifetime, i know what i came here for. Im standing outside, it drizzles. A raindrop comes along. I see it and IT SEES ME. It smiles at me. I cry and thank the drop, for seeing me. It thanks me for seeing IT. And the waves keep pouring in. 🌀

“Did you doubted she knew?,” Higher Self asks, while i close the curtains (f*ck, this late already, i gotta sleep!). “Well HS, i didn’t really know but i was wondering for some time now what she wanted to tell me.”
“Well, yes she knew all: who she was, why she came, that He would come. Coz they made this arrangement, long long time ago, when Lemuria fell. The both of them. To be there/here, the time was right. The time is NOW.”
“Thanks HS, but i really gotta sleep now. Goodnight.” ♥️

And goodnight little powerful one, im proud of you. 😊

the winds of change

♥  july 29 . 2017 . entropy is an illusion  ♥

in the forest with my dog
i realize, this will never die
i will be here forever, with my dog
this moment in time will always be 🌳

being nothing, not significant
yet being all
this is no duality
this is wholeness ☯️

yet, there’s the little pink girl
again,  relocating
and the trees wait so patiently
so silently, so peacefully

entropy is an illusion
i tear the leaf in pieces
can it be whole again?
entropy says no, i say yes

in fact, it already is whole
in a space without time and yet
always time, this leaf is always whole 🍀

SHE was always whole, but she didn’t know
she was torn to pieces
lost parts of herself
yet, she was never lost!

from entropy to quantum entanglement
a flow in time/non-time
source created entropy, chaos out of order
order out of chaos
and we are moving back

the girl is getting whole again
sitting under a tree with some giggling fairies
she writes : i gotta heal myself, the feeling of being worthless
i am powerful and it scares me as hell

“Dear mommy, are we going to move again?”, the little pink girl asks her mom while she is packing their stuff in boxes. There is Bella, her favorite black doll, almost as big as the girl! “Yes yes, we have to child, stop nagging now, i’m busy”. And she remembers, they were always, always moving, again, a new home. 🏚️

“Dear Higher Self, are we going on the move again?”, i ask HS while he is hoisting the sails. He turns his bald, blue head and shows me his big smile. “Yes yes, we have to, the time is perfect. Pack your stuff and lets ride these waves”. Ok ok, here we go again, sailing to New Earth. 🌎

“Dear Alcyone, i know i promised to go and i really like to, but i will forget bout you! How can that be? I can’t imagine ME without YOU.” The great central sun smiles with his big heart: “little one, we are always together, try to remember. Now go, we will meet again in Lemuria”.

the silver surfer

♥  july 6 . 2017 : a weird convo with HS  ♥

My Higher Self is blue, pale grayish blue. He .. uhh .. he? Yes, he lol. He is bald and he smiles a lot, almost always. And if he isn’t, well, then it IS serious! 😮

“Why are you blue and bald”, i ask HS. “Think”, he says and smiles, his eyes challenging me: c’mon c’mon,  you know, dig deeper! The first thing that slips into my mind is the Silver Surfer. “Yes! Lol, but why him?”, i ask.❓

“Why the Silver Surfer, you ask ME? You ask YOUR higher self? You have no clue of how a HS looks so YOU created this image of me. You’d better ask yourself why you created the Silver Surfer.” 🤔

Now this is a weird convo with my Higher Self. “F*ck, so i have to find out myself?”, i ask him. “Yep!” and he looks very seriously. 😈

And i can’t get the Silver Surfer off my mind, i loved this character when i was a teenager. This tragic, romantic hero floating through space on his surfboard, a lone wanderer without a home, he was my favorite superhero.🏂 

I smile and i am glad i altered the Surfer a bit when ‘shaping’ HS. Contrary to the Surfer my HS smiles a lot, he is gentle and he has humor.  ⚛️

Silver Surfer Wikipedia

the waiting room

♥  june 21 . 2017  ♥

I am lost, floating in an endless sea of possibilities  😵

“Do you see that blond girl, 14 years of age, on the schoolyard? Standing in the middle of that somewhat weird compiled group and looking alienated?”  👽

I see her and i remember her, the girl that feels hurt by harsh words and bullying. She friends the bullied kids, the outcasts and she gives them some ‘protection’. Coz, even though she is a shy, insecure girl and a bit of an outcast herself she is also a pretty girl and she attracts people easily. And she herself can’t figure it out, why are these kids attracted to her, what do they want from her ⁉️

“Yes i do dear Me, and this pretty girl asks herself: who am i, what am i doing here? Why do i wanna be friends with everyone and why am i a little weird? Why can’t i chose, cool or nerd? Rock or classic? Black or white? What do i want? I wanna fit in! … no no … i don’t wanna fit in! Shit! WHAT DO I FEEL? WHO AM I?” 🔛

“You always felt you were in between ‘camps’, and to BE SOMEONE you had to choose, but you couldn’t choose, so you felt NO-ONE. You attracted the nerds, the outcasts, the shy ones but also the cool ones, the never afraid ones. And they gathered around you and they gazed like sheep, maybe fall in love with you, but you don’t fall for sheep. And, f*ck, you can’t shake them off so you hurt them”  🙁

“Yes, little did i know, dear Me, i was a very confused connector. 😉

I am glad i know better now ☯️